A friend of mine recently re-entered the dating scene, and has decided to treat me as "Hitch" to his, um, "Kevin
Now everytime I see my friend I need to offer advice and come up with some different metaphor for women and/or relationships. He's one of these "smart-sensitive guys", so I can't keep telling him my "holes-on-heels" philosophy over and over again.
So the other day I noted myself telling him how I thought that girls are like care-packages.
Everyone likes a care-package. In a fundamental sense, there's something undeniably irresistible about a care-package. If you don't know anything about where it came from, initially you might be like "ehhh, I don't know about this ..." but eventually you have to think, "awww, what the hey, it's a care-package." (you also have to wonder what time you're going to get your ass kicked for saying 'what the hey?'") But no one ever completely turns down a care-package, unless its incredibly inconvenient, or it smokes crack and lives on the street. Care packages are so nice some people will pay for it themselves, and have it delivered. Discreetly wrapped, of course.
Even the suggestion of a nice care package entering your life can be transfixing. You'll be at work thinking about it. You are intoxicated with the thought of it arriving, and the subsequent inspection of its contents.
This is not to say care packages are all rainbows and BLT sandwiches. The above applies primarily to the idea of the "care package," the reality is that most care packages have some stuff you like and some shite you could care less about:
I'll keep the chocolate covered tits, the filing/organizational system, and the recipe book. The anal-retentive ass creme can go in the box for The Salvation Army.
A lot of care packages have an item that's not supposed to be opened until later. That item is usually wrapped up and labeled "SEX".
And of course that's the one you just stare at and think about ripping open ASAP. Usually it ends up feeling like, "eh, I probably could have waited for that."
Guys can't be care packages. They're too cold and steely and guyish. Guy care packages invariably suck. You get dirty underwear and some duct tape ... maybe some chips if you're lucky. There's very little "care." It's just packages. Which, ultimately, also makes a lot of sense. Guys are just packages really.
Anyways, I don't know if people still send care-packages. This could be old school terminology. Or maybe, at least for guys, you grow out of them and start dealing with girls on a full time basis ... no need for fake care packages in boxes, when you got real ones that walk around to deal with.