I like girly drinks.
I can’t lie. I like my drinks to have a little flavor.
No, not like barley and hops.
Like cherries and lemon-lime. Mmmm cherries.
Not so yummy.
If "yummy" was spelled "yummuy" it would be a palindrome. A yummuy palindrome.
I don’t understand beer. What is it? Why is it so abundant? There can't be a beer drinker who has completely ruled out the possibility that it's just dirt and piss in a bottle. Has anyone noticed that shittier = tastier in beer land? It’s just this crazy universe.
I'll take cranberry and … whatever. Preferrably vodka.
Smirnoff Ice? Excellent.
Mike’s Hard? Delicious!
Wine? Sounds good ...
I drink it up. Let’s get drunk.
But scotch on the rocks? Whiskey neat?
Yikes! That’s more of a challenge than a recreation. I'm trying to relax here, no need to be Mr. Tough-Guy. If we're doing that I'd rather just punch someone in the face. That's how I feel after I drink a Tough-Guy Drink; I scrunch up my face, and puff out my cheeks and I'm all, "Arrgggh!!! Why did I drink that?!!? NOW I JUST WANT TO PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE FACE!!!" And if I've had enough Tough-Guy Drinks I'll do it.
I never feel like that when I drink a girly-drink. I feel happy. There's still some edge to it, but it's fun, it's non-threatening. I feel like I'm in a pillow fight with girls and rainbows, and things might turn sexy any moment now. I don't have a problem with this. I also like football and carnage.
Just not in my drink.