Thursday, July 13, 2006

Give Me Your Derelicts, Your Racists, Your Semen-Connoisseurs Yearning To Read Free

Everyone likes to check out the google searches that lead to their site. For a long time I didn't really pay much attention to mine, but once I started looking I couldn't help but think of the poem on the Statue Of Liberty:
“Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"
Yes, TAN is a refuge for immigrants. Since this is not an actual place, it appears this is a refuge for what we might call moral-immigrants. Or perhaps intelligence-immigrants. Yes, if you are a cigarette butt in the ashtray of american society, and you enter some question or sentiment into google that has been burning on your filter for years, you are more than likely to turn to TAN for the answers.

Here are fifteen google searches I found noteworthy, parentheticals are mine:
do black babies have larger penis (not too bad)

Is semen good to drink? (obvs!)

photos de el pene mas grande (who's bilingual bitches!)

My daughter does black dude (does she? how sweet of her)

Is semen good to eat (hmmm ... eat or drink? more of a metaphysical query)

my daughters having sex with a nigger (same parent from before, now a tad angrier)

Is Angelina jolie negro (as shakhira might say, "you know my lips don't lie")

Can sperm go through panties (better to just eat/drink it all)

Dating a bartender (**NORMAL!!** somebody flag this isp)

is it good for health if men drink their own semen? (strong enough for a man, but made for a woman)

Look at that jungle bunny run (uh-oh, looks like the parent got rid of that 'black dude' boyfriend)

horrible smells you can spray on (get the xmas shopping done early if you can)

fart a lot when I drink soy milk (excellent, also see above)

Negroes love big white butts (look at that jungle bunny run)

Crackheads (genius loves company)

Intelligent negro blog

The sophisticated negro blog
Obviously the last two bonus ones had to be terribly disappointed.


Somebody please save me or give me fifty million dollars before I go Chappelle-Crazy.


  1. Funny, funny stuff.

  2. Anonymous7/13/2006

    There is a porn site called My Daughter's Fucking A Nigga/Black Dude.

    The guy on the site looks like Shrek with a 2 liter bottle sized johnson.

    I'm a little surprised you haven't come across it.

  3. who knew so manyp eople were interested in the nutritional value of semen. jeesh.

  4. Anonymous7/13/2006

    this is funny TAN. it's nice you've provided this refuge for the internet ne'er do wells (sp?)

  5. oh, if you only knew how many times i heard girls back in high school ask, "um, so like, how many calories are in jizz? is it like, healthy or bad for you or what...???"

  6. Anonymous7/13/2006

    How did you find this out? (Anyone please feel free to answer).

  7. Wow.

    Well, I guess as things develop in your career as a writer, it's good to have a way to bring yourself down if you find yourself losing touch with the audience. I suppose that as you find new platforms for your work (and I suspect that Player magazine is only a very early start in this process), it will be good to do reality checks from time to time...

    Gosh, that's some strong medicine, though.

    Google is probably best served with a few stiff drinks* in this case.

    (*That would be drinks of the conventional variety as opposed to the seminal variety, of course. Given the apparent demographic, I feel the need to clarify.)

  8. Rokusan7/14/2006

    If you promise to "go Chapelle-Crazy", I in turn will promise to read you TWICE every day.

    (Sorry, no spare $50 mil. You can have my first extra.)

  9. nothing like soy to warm up the 'ol ass-odor generator

  10. Anonymous7/22/2006

    You're not alone my man... and honestly they could be a lot worse.

    Check what some other people are finding in their analytics:

    My favorite today?
    "midget afro chickens"
    "angry urine monkey porn"


  11. luvmlarg1/24/2008

    neva thought semen drinkers worried what it is made of. I love a good black cock-tail loaded with useful proprieties like skin remedy and tummyache cures and more especially the most logical, taste. simple and sweet.


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