Ghetto Pass: Extracurricular

So this week's installment of Ghetto Pass is on The Corner Bodega.

"NY ain't the same, it's OT playa
you can go and cop coke from the corner bodega..."
- 50 Cent, Corner Bodega

On the surface you might think the Corner Bodega (Co-Bo) is just another wiki-able oasis of convenience. A sort of de facto ghetto 7-11. But, like the big rock in the forest, a look underneath reveals a self-sufficient ecosystem of subterranean life. Home of the 2 for $1 special, the Corner Bodega is the ghetto chamber of food and commerce for marginalized gentri-folk and ne'er-do-wells alike. Typically open through the wee hours, and stocked with all the bare essentials -- food, alcohol, horny-goat weed -- Corner Bodegas are not only a full service resource, but a genuine lifesaver.

more ...

An authentic Bodega needs to do more than sell candy-bars and speak English as a second language. Those "mini-marts" downtown with flowers and fruits are not Bodegas. There are basically two types: vintage corner bodegas are a full sensory experience; while your eyes feast on the colorful awnings and scan the lucky dollars taped to the walls, your ears engage with the sweet sound of salsa/meringue, or perhaps baseball on the radio. The air is thick, and the atmosphere is friendly and community-oriented. Even if lacking customers, all corner bodegas come standard with an old Spanish dude who sits around like a period-piece prop. Be sure to say hi. The modern version eschews the tradition and ambience for technology and an aesthetic of minimalist sterility. They're cleaner, and provide more options, but the experience is a bit more generic. Generally speaking, vintage Bodegas are run by "papi," and modern editions are run by "habibi."

Things You Should Know: Every Corner Bodega has four primary sections:

Behind the Counter - Here you'll find your usual array of dentist-financing candy and candy bars. Sugary staples like Swedish Fish, Now&Laters, and Blow-pops are abundant. Menthol cigarettes, ribbed condoms, cough-cold medicine, and assorted flavors of blunts are among the more popular items.

In the Aisles - Bodegas are renowned for their delicious and economically prudent array of snacks. You'll find these in the aisles, along with standard supermarket fare. Watch out for random mind-boggling markups; Bodegas are notorious for arbitrarily charging $8.79 for a small can of tomato paste.

Up High - High on the walls you'll find paper products, garbage bags, and cleaning stuff. When the wallet's not packing enough heat to cop luxury brands like Bounty, Hefty, and Mr. Clean, the Co-Bo always has a $1 line of generically-effective paper products and cleaning supplies.

Keep It Cold - Need alcohol on a budget? The Co-Bo has you covered. Their refrigerators are well fortified with affordable Fortys, deuce-deuces, Tallboys, and much much more. In the freezer, Häagen-Daz is the official ice cream of Corner Bodegas everywhere.

General Tips

The Night Window - At a certain hour, most Corner Bodegas will close the front door and direct all customers to the nighttime "walk-through" window. You will need to have a good idea of store inventory and product placement, as papi/habibi will have to fetch items for you. No one likes to fetch, or stand in line, so everyone is significantly more ornery; as such this is no time for cheeky chicanery or getting-to-know-you chumminess. Place your money in the revolving door, take your bag of goods, and hope it contains what you asked for.

Looseys!!! - Corner Bodegas are the birthplace of the greatest product invention known to man: the loose cigarette. For social smokers and permanent would-be quitters, looseys are a godsend. Unfortunately, like the African lion, the Co-Bo's that still sell looseys are fast becoming extinct.

Habibi Say - Use the shady ATM only if you are currently considering a change of identity.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name - Become a regular at your local Bodega and you get perks. For example, it will be the only store where you get to say, "I'm short right now papi, but I'll pay you later, you know I'm good for it" without getting back-hand slapped to the beat of the last Three 6 Mafia album.

Fun Facts

• Did you know the national animal for corner bodegas is the cat? Kittens are occasionally spotted, but usually you will have a veteran cat who has seen them all come and go and will therefore pay you no mind as you try to get around his lounging in the aisle.

• Did you know "dutches" are the most popular brand of cigar in Corner Bodegas (despite the lack of victory celebrations in the ghetto)? To impress the locals, ask for a "strawberry dutch" to go with your $3 ham-and-cheese, Lil Debbie cake, and bag of Utz chips.

• Did you know Co-Bo patrons are advised to ignore expiration dates and discern the age of their product via the layer of dust on it? The thinner the better.

Ghetto Terror Alert: Pink. Attractive women in general are always under a moderate level of stress, as the same people catcalling you on the street often congregate in the corner bodega. It's like HQ for cat-callers. You might refer to it as a cat-call center.

Slang Check: The only key slang in a Corner Bodega is for some of the products. Terror Alert aside, looseys refer to the same single cigarettes, not women, regardless of their sexual proclivities. "Dutches" are Dutchmaster cigars, they go well with marijuana.

+++

Some interesting links were dug up in doing some Corner Bodega research:

This guy does some interesting Bodega based art [BodegArt]
 
I ended up cutting some bits about the Corner Bodega as a front for weed spots and numbers spots. Ultimately I had the 50 quote, and do think, as with the loosey cig, those bodegas are becoming extinct.

Apparently the Corner Bodega might be under siege. "The corner store vs. market reality" [The Real Deal]

I also cut bits about the gross lack of fresh food/produce at bodegas, but the Huffington Post has an interesting blog about a program to get more organic and healthy stock. "Foodies in 'da Hood"

Finally Ezra Klein explains "Why Immigrants Run Bodegas."

Ghetto Pass: The Corner Bodega [Gawker]
Ghetto Chinese Spot Excess [TAN]

Ghetto Pass Classic: The Cipher

This week's Ghetto Pass we take a Hip Hop spin and explore The Cipher:

It is a telling indictment on the flimsy state of Hip Hop right now that emcees and the music they create are inescapable, but The Cipher, where all the great rap craftsman honed their skills, is a fading institution. There was a time when ghetto streets were perpetually filled with the sweet sounds of beatboxing overdubbed with sharp, rhythmic staccato flows. The Cipher was hip hop's training ground, where the architects of the renaissance learned to express in different ways, and the crowd was always the final arbiter of talent. Now modern technology allows anyone to have a studio and a dream in the comfort of their own home, and rarely do you experience the art form live outside of a formal venue. There's nothing inherently wrong with this, but it means this week's Ghetto Pass is an old-school edition, as we flashback and examine hip hop's communal dojo, The Cipher. The beat drops after the jump.

 Cypher Etiquette Guide: Freestyle cyphers are not totally extinct: You can still occasionally stumble on a good one, particularly outside of hip hop clubs. But the truest cyphers are located on a stoop in front of someone's house, or have just popped up on a city street far removed from clubs or formal venues of any kind. Like unprotected sex, these cyphers are born of a recklessly carnal impulse that demands sating no matter the circumstances.

You need at least three people to have a cypher, otherwise you're just standing on the street rhyming with your friend. Once you got three, someone lights the Olympic torch by dropping a beat, and the cypher has begun. You'll probably want to ease in to your segment with a "yo I'm gonna take this one, check it, uh, uh,... [insert your lyrics here]." cypher sophisticates will often space their intro out, play to the audience, if the beat is hot you usually let it ride a good four bars, let the crowd get a good crisp head nod popping. Then commence to — wait for it — drop it like it's hot.

This is the basic stratification of cyphers, evaluate your skill level and participate accordingly:

Slow-Pitch Softball - In this cypher you'll see three girls, a couple dorky-looking white dudes, maybe the Pakistani guy from around the corner, the Asian gay guy just having some fun; everything goes, everyone is welcome in the Slow-Pitch Softball cyphers. You can be horrible and still get to finish all your material. The worst case scenario might be a slightly muted enthusiasm when you finish, perhaps some polite clapping, but that's all. Most people should play here.

Minor Leagues - In the next level up, you get a more challenging array of demographics. More black guys, and white guys with some actual hip hop history under their belt. No novelty attempts from your grandmother on Christmas here. These are still relatively safe to your ego however, participants are courteous, but you will get silence and some brushing off if you're not up to par. But you'll always get your turn.

The Majors - Pro level Cyphers qualify as fiscally viable forms of entertainment. Participants are rappers you would definitely hear on records ... or should. These cyphers will attract non-cypher people who just want to peep out what's going on, cause it sounds good. Any person who likes hip hop will be physically compelled to stop. Those who stumble or screw their verse up in egregious fashion are at immediate risk of getting skipped and subbed out. If you do get another turn, and once again fail to hold your own, other emcees may likely turn on you, to the enjoyment of the crowd, and the chagrin of your pride. The combination of crowd and aggression may leave you embarrassed and emotionally scarred, so you're advised to approach pro cyphers with caution. Make sure you're ready to play.

Do or Die - These are the most serious cyphers, also the most exclusive. Filled with hardcore street types, these are not necessarily tied into a certain skill level. The big variable here is that you could lose your wallet and other valuable possessions if you don't please the participants. If you're in doubt, don't be a freestyle hero, just keep it moving.

Cypher Demographics - These are some of the people and rappers you may find in your cypher:

• The beatboxer - The uncelebrated hero of the cypher, and hip hop in general. Like the drummer in a band he makes it all go and keeps everything on beat.

• M.C. 2Long - This guy gets a turn and raps for a couple hours, or until the cops come, whichever comes first. He sucks.

• The God - When a true emcee who has honed his skills enters the cypher, everyone knows the god is present.

• Freestyle Femme Fatale - Everyone looks forward to ladies rhyming in the cypher, but they typically disappoint. For the most part female rappers compare to their male counterparts as WNBA players compare to the NBA. You might watch for a little, especially if they're pretty, but they rarely are pretty and even less likely to be worth a ticket.

• Strictly Writtens - Strictly Writtens never go off the head, they always recite premeditated verses. Depending on the vibe this can be a good or bad thing.

• 1Verse - 1Verses have one verse they spit over and over again. If they have friends you'll know when they all chorus in on all the punchlines.

• Big Punnabees - These are the Hispanic guys kicking the Spanglish. Always a nice change of pace if you can pull it off.

• Educated Rappers - Like metaphysical editions of Ghetto Pass, these participants only turn off the crowd through their earnest attempts to demonstrate their intelligence.

General Tips

Know Your Audience - Are they feeling active or bored? Are they white or black? All these things can influence how you rhyme, when you rhyme, what you rhyme about. Be prepared to adjust.

Female Factor - If there are pretty females in the audience prepare for the cypher intensity to increase exponentially. Cyphers are charged with testosterone, the presence of a potential prize only raises the stakes.

Fun Facts

• Did you know fake freestyling is the cardinal sin of cyphers? You can go off the head or written, but don't pretend it's off the head and then recite the Gettysburg address in your rhyme.

• Did you know rap cyphers are not to be confused with smoking cyphers? There is only one rule for smoking cyphers: take two and pass.

Ghetto Pass [Gawker]

About TAN: Web Hunk, 4.0

The Houston Chronicle included Patrice Evans, TAN, The Assimilated Negro in their gallery of Web Hunks today. Indeed, as you suspected, the Apocalypse is nigh!

Since I don't want to just be ogled as a savory hunky piece of melanin-meat laptop. Here are some links:

Hip Hop Stuff:
Will "Keeping It Real" Ever Go Right?
Is Elzhi Deeper Than John Updike?
Maybe We Should Just Hand Hip Hop Over to the Ladies?

Racial, Post-Racial Stuff:
Black People film boobs like this, White People film boobs like that
The 4 Horsemen of the Post-Racial Apocalypse
Negropedia Brown and the Case of the World White Web

Matrices, Video, and Random Hits & Misses on/for Gawker stuff:
The Morality Matrix
A Bronx Tale: In Search of Sonia Sotomayor
Does Weed Have "5" On the Economy?
miscellany

House of Hot-Ass Interviews: including The Roots, Sasha Grey, Larry Wilmore and, uh, still more... (?)

100 Things About TAN: this is kinda old, but, y'know, has a personal facebooky touch.

What Else???
sports head: not so much recently, but for nbc new york, deadspin, fanhouse and others in the past. I also think the Mets Are Better Than Sex.

I've done readings: about letters to my genitals, and sex on shrooms.

book deal, "Negropedia" is no longer the title, fyi.

There's more if you want to noodle around, but I'm guessing that should be plenty to scare you away at this point. But before you go: PLEASE SUBSCRIBE -- i don't blog-churn out volumes, but there is more, bigger, better in store. And Subscriptions allow you to keeps tabs from a safe distance, and maybe I won't have to whore my body out for internet celebrity currency. it's like saving an african baby, except i went to prep school and live in nyc.

Eddie, Woody, & Michael: Do We Even Care About Genius Anymore?

On Gawk (I'll have some more MJ unpacking later/soon. Still processing ...):

Eddie Murphy, Woody Allen, Michael Jackson: All indisputable geniuses in the 80s. Hit-or-miss in the 90s. And, at least before the outpouring of adulation for Jackson today, you probably wouldn't want to trade reputations with any of them.

Everyone should have a go-to quote to come off like a learned smarty-pants. Mine is from Nietzsche who said, "the only proof of strength is excess of strength". I love it because in our current link-don't-tell culture it speaks to how proof of brilliance needs to be hyperlinkably obvious. For Woody, Eddie, and Michael this was never an issue. No one ever calls into question their obvious excess of talent. But yet, reading the news and reviews from the past week or so, and it seems being a genius doesn't seem to hold the same water it used to. At the least, critics and journalists appear to be challenging the statute of limitations on genius privileges like never before:

Eddie Murphy: This post was seeded by Brooks Barnes in the NY Times (who also was involved with NYT coverage of MJ) wondering how/why Eddie Murphy still had so much Hollywood clout, despite being the butt of more jokes than he makes these days. In the sidebar they list his top 5 box office grosses, totaling up to $780 million. If you throw in Coming to America and a couple of his middling performers like, say, Boomerang and Harlem Nights, you're approaching a billion dollars in box office bank before you even get to ten movies. Murphy is the #2 man all time at the box office, right behind Tom Hanks and ahead of names like Harrison Ford and Tom Cruise. So, what's the question again? Asking Hollywood why they keep going to Eddie Murphy is like asking why the Yankees keep putting ARod in the cleanup spot (despite inconsistent production).....

Eddie, Woody, Michael: Do We Care About Genius Anymore? [Gawker]

A Bronx Tale: In Search of Sonia Sotomayor

Had fun in the South Bronx talking to people about Sonia Sotomayor. I guess I should mention, for those who stumble on here looking for "assimilated negro sonia from the bronx", Justice Sotomayor is originally from the Boogie Down, and Puerto Rican, and has made a lot of people proud via her rags-to-riches tale. Here's the video:

A Bronx Tale: In Search of Sonia Sotomayor from weekendvids on Vimeo.

Have I Ventured to the Dark Side?: I'm Sad Sasha Finds Me Belittling, and Her Fans Will Hate Me

My interview with Sasha Grey is a little bit controversial. At least for me.

I'm sure Sasha Grey is lovely when you get to know her. But there's a part in The Girlfriend Experience where the journalist asks about her "wall" and if/when it comes down, and if most people get to see the "real" her. Sasha's character, a character in large part based on her "character" in real life, says probably not. Vanessa G in the Rolling Stone piece likened the feeling to a woman behind glass. If you read the many interviews both print and video online, you'll find inaccessibility to be a theme.

My interview doesn't intend to begrudge Sasha that wall. It makes sense to have a wall up for a number of reasons. My dilemma was simple: I don't want to trot out the same boring interview everyone else is. And I asked questions, a month ago, that would hopefully find some new territory. Of course in an email interview you have to go through a little bit of old territory to get there.

Point being, I approached this as an opportunity for an interesting conversation. This is how I've approached all my hot-ass interviews. I am not "belittling" her (another word Sasha has thrown at interviewers before, I'm not the first to belittle unknowingly), and to my mind they are the same questions I would ask any writers, artists, creative professionals. Yes, I wouldn't ask someone in a different industry about "how to identify a fucking genius", but I would ask any professional about the 10,000 hours, and what constitutes superlative achievement/talent in their field.

When I interviewed Jeff Chang, the questions were equally chunky with verbiage (this is how I approach the issue of miscommunication, missed tone in email interviews, by rephrasing the question a bunch and they choose the one which connects), and also numerous (I trimmed down the initial question list a couple times, to make it more manageable), but he also has no reason to be distrustful of media and indulged the spirit of the conversation.

There's the "seduced over email" question. As the first question, it seems an obvious warm-up to me. Every single female who goes on Late Show with Conan or Letterman gets a flirty question thrown at them. Ignoring the "commentary on our sexist society" aspect, it's mostly functional. All serving as an easy way to gauge the temperature, figure out the mood/tone of your interviewee etc.. If she's fun and flirty, you might go with it. If not, you move on. If the interview were with a basketball player you'd make a softball corny open about maybe playing a pickup game or something. Same idea.

Back to the original dilemma: an interesting interview. I think some people are into doing them, some are not. No one's going to do an interesting interview with Robert Deniro (well, except a close friend maybe) because he's not interested. I feel a little bad that this would give Sasha more fuel for her distrust of media. But my spirit was pure and true! Sasha herself trumpets individualism, not being boring, so what am I to do when she gives me a boring interview. Interviews can be art. Anything can be if you choose to approach it as such. Belittling presumes I'm trying to get over on you, but what if I'm just practicing my trade as best I can? From her side, if she's doing a million interviews it's easy see me as another dude trying to service his media master. But I did put work into this, and am trying to make all my interviews part of a larger more artful TAN complex. She doesn't need to know or care about that, but to write me off could be seen as belittling.

The ambition in this blog-post-interview was to connect a theme from the movie, the hype-media publicity machine, and my particular interview. There's this whole dichotomy of veiled mystique and unobtainable intimacy. And I found the most interesting part of our Interview Experience to be how it reflected The Girlfriend Experience. Again, everyone is trying to get their hand on or around the wall. With varying degrees of success. Whatever.

Anyways, I had that sitting on my chest and had to get it out somewhere. I think the gawker commenters are shading something that is not ostensibly mean as such. And I'm just defending my position. Cheers!

The Sasha Grey Interview Experience [Gawker]

image: via

The Assimilator: or How to Philosophize with a Hammer, and the Hammer is Gawker

So Gawker is known for their gossip and *snarky* (sigh) take on current events. The writers -- certainly the ones I've known or met -- are all smart and generally sympathetic/aware of celebrities being human, or the deeper issues at play when a magazine is shuttered; but as per their job, usually need to cut to the witty, pithy chase at the expense of indulging, say, the modern window into the human condition The Hipster Grifter provides.

All to say, Gawker is not what anyone instinctively thinks of as a home for "panel discussions" on culturally resonant news/themes/stories. But we're trying to do just that on the weekend, via The Assimilator, and so far so good. We're still working on facilitating the "discussion" element, as it's tough to get professional opinion/taste-makers to stand where you want in line sans $ or significant lead-time. But we've got cool people, and opinions, and a space to share and exchange these things. So that, as the kids say, is something.

Nietzsche's Twilight of the Idols, is the guiding spirit here. Specifically: The Revaluation of all Values. Seems most writers, artists of sound mind and clear conscience are motivated by this impulse to reassess the world around them; "The Assimilator" is another on-ramp to merge -- mind meld? -- with the rest of those in the struggle.

We've finally got enough in the can to start the archived list, so that's what this is, in no particular order:

On the Recession Possibly Being Over?: Melissa Lafsky (Discover), Jozen Cummings (Vibe), Abiola Abrams (Planet Abiola)

On Double X Launch and Feminism: Pt. 1 - Amanda Marcotte (Pandagon), Jill Filipovic (Feministe), Pt. 2 - Jess McCabe (The F-Word), Matt Ufford (Warming Glow)

On White-Rapper Asher Roth: Byron Crawford (XXL), Touré (Rolling Stone), Tom Breihan (Pitchfork)

On University Reform: Pt. 1 - Dan Kois (New York), Kate Perkins (N+1), Pt. 2 - Macy Halford (The New Yorker), Jeff Chang (The Nation)

On Dan Baum vs. The New Yorker: Emily Gordon (emdashes), Troy Patterson (Slate), Eric Easter (EbonyJet)

On the Hipster Grifter: Doree Shafrir (Observer), Gavin McInnes (Street Carnage), Big Time Book Editor (Big Time Book Publisher)

On a Prospective Hipster Reality Show: Becky Sharper (Pursuit of Harpyness), Rachel Shukert (The Nosemaker's Apprentice), Robert Lanham (Hipster Handbook)

On Eminem's "We Made You": me (School of Hard Knocks, etc.)

The Assimilator [Gawker]

cartoon: via

The Ten Tat Commandments

Five of which are on gawker this weekend.

What's going on with this particular tattoo? Might have to get Negropedia Brown to investigate this one.



And speaking of the old testament, how did they never do a video for Ten Crack Commandments? That was a missed opportunity.

this song contains multitudes. And I revel in any chance to play it.



Anybig, here's Oprah with dumbbells on someone's belly forever.

Slow Blogging The Roots: P-Twiddy Edition

On Gawk this weekend. Hi, Jimmy F!

Talking with The Roots (pt.2) from weekendvids on Vimeo.

Previously:
The ReEducation of ?uestlove & The Roots

It's Easier to Blog Than Pick Up Chicks

The Gawker Weekend agenda continues ... this week:

Asher Roth
The Roots (video)
Ghetto Pass: Photo Tour of Spanish Harlem

In Search of the Hipster Grifter

we'll be digging in deeper this weekend on The Hipster Grifter (followups here, and here)

Gawker's Hamilton Nolan has been on the case.

And now the accessorizing has begun, (via freewilliamsburg, unironic tees, natch)

i'll be out in Hipster HQ (williamsburg) doing street-reaction, early afternoon, so look for the non-connable negro if you want to get something off your chest. or, if you're kari (you have a friend in TAN, Ms. Jabar).

Meet Larry Wilmore: Future Baron, Father to Black Paris Hilton

in case you missed it, we ran these outtakes from my interview with Larry Wilmore on Gawker over the weekend.

The original interview ran in support of Larry's book, I'd Rather We Got Casinos: And Other Black Thoughts, on The Daily Beast's book blog.

The hosting on gawker got messed up (that's what happens on the weekend), so I'm reposting here sans megaupload ads. it's a little small, but you can go peep on gawker if size matters.

cheers, enjoy!

Your Matrix of Morality

this ran on Gawker over the weekend, here's the tease:

Hey baby, what's your major? Philosophy? Oh yeah? Me too. Wait? David Brooks said what? God/Print/Hip Hop/Web2.0/Print/Facebook andPhilosophy is dead??? And then 446 unemployed philosophy majors commented in protest??? Oh, hell no.

So, um, hell yeah, earlier this week David Brooks waxed Gladwellian while filling in for Bob Herbert with a column breathlessly headlined "End of Philosophy." But it was more about "Reassessing Morality." Or as he phrases "moral thinking." Whatever....

[click Matrix or link for the rest]



The Morality Matrix [Gawker]

Previously:
The Melanin Matrix

Let Us Upgrade U

me and Gawk rolling like Bonnie and Clyde ... on the weekends, for a lil' while at least.

image via: kanye

The Melanin Matrix

There's a lot of buzz about post-racial this, and pre-internet that, but suffice to say those two things (race and the internet) have made the national conversation about our "American" Culture infinitely more complex.

And of course everyone loves to pin the post-racial hubbub to Obama, but I'm thinking a lot of this acknowledging-differences-yet-remaining-united sensibility actually started post 9/11.

I've long been a fan of NY Magazine's cracka-ass-crackatrix Approval Matrix; so on this post-9/11 day [I/TAN] thought it'd be appropriate to offer a more multicultural scatter-graph to help us analyze recent news happenings from a Post-Racial cultural context.

So after the jump: The Melanin Matrix for 9/12



The Melanin Matrix [Gawker]

This Thing On Bodegas Is Like That Thing On Bodegas

So saw this thing on the Gawk:

Did you know that your corner store (aka bodega) probably sells a lot more than ho hos and beer? Perhaps even fresh produce.

Hmm, sounds similar in spirit to my thing written for Gawker:

On the surface you might think the Corner Bodega (Co-Bo) is just another wiki-able oasis of convenience. A sort of de facto ghetto 7-11. But, like the big rock in the forest, a look underneath reveals a self-sufficient ecosystem of subterranean life. Home of the 2 for $1 special, the Corner Bodega is the ghetto chamber of food and commerce for marginalized gentri-folk and ne'er-do-wells alike. Typically open through the wee hours, and stocked with all the bare essentials — food, alcohol, horny-goat weed — Corner Bodegas are not only a full service resource, but a genuine lifesaver.

Of course mine was a column/feature-y type thing, and theirs is an actual business model. Or something? But I happily refer them to other sections of the Ghetto Pass series so they can arrange parties at Ghetto Chinese Spots, or with Ghetto Pick-up Artists, and not just single out the Bodegas.

Also: their choice of dropping the word "Ghetto" in favor of "Neighbors" and phrasing like, "people living in cities who want to connect with their diverse neighbors to improve the neighborhood for everyone." Brilliant!

I'm not being overly tongue-in-cheek here. It is a cool idea. And some crew of gentrifying multicultis had to do it. I just want to make sure they keep their "papis" and "habibis" straight and not forget the Chicken Spot and other Urban-Neighborhood Landmarks. Holla if you need help.

Please Buy This Gentrification Kit [Gawker]
Bodega Party In A Box [Neighbors Project]
Ghetto Pass: Corner Bodegas [Gawker]

TAN's Gawker Gallery

So I get asked about Gawker a decent amount. I've done a few different things for them, so here is the portfolio of selected Gawker clips:

Special Correspondent: I started as a Special Correspondent, specifically Special Correspondent for Brown People Issues, as dubbed by former editor Jesse Oxfeld. Some negroes may squint their eyes, but I thought the title was kind of genius:

This was my debut ... some might say it's all downhill from here.

Smells Like Negro Musk ... This was my last "Special Report," I enjoyed talking about one of my favorite subjects: black hipsters.

Negrok/China IM chat I enjoyed this chat, in part because it was very impromptu and done from chat-to-post in an hour or so. Spinach Dip was a good foil, filled with reason and sensibility, while i made exclamatory jokes. Come to think of it, intelligent articulate people often make good "foils" for me. I got more backlash than expected for this. Asians were hating.

Black History Month: This was a very un-gawker like post, but it was for Black History Month, so I think they just let me do whatever..... or rather, obviously they let me do whatever. Give me whatever and I'll give you the world Wigger History Month.

~~

Guest Editing: For a couple days in the summer of '06 everyone went on vacation, and they were forced to call up talent from the Negro Leagues. I subbed for Jessica Coen. Before this guest-edit stint I thought blogging was a fun means of sharing news and giving your opinion and such, but after a couple days on the job full-time I realized it's more Gateway To Hell than anything else. In any event, here are a handful of posts that came out of that two-day stint:

The Vagina Dialogues, prob my favorite post

morning after pill, "just woke up and boy do we feel pregnant," still makes me giggle.

bloggers are cheap, but you knew that already

times masturbation, breaking: couples are using computers

subway record, a nyc post ...

~~

Columnist-y: Then came a couple columns/series/something-or-others:

Ghetto Pass

First Responders

???Inside The Commenter's Studio ...???

~~

Slave Auction-y: And we should never forget February of '07 when I was sold off as part of a White Castle Valentine. Good times, good times.


And so it goes ...

Rough Draft: First Responders (audio)

I did a song for my TAN-on-the-street video series on Gawker "First Responders." We should hopefully be doing a vid for it also, with some outtakes from prior shoots. But Blakeley drunkenly told me recently that he thought "it gets angry pretty quickly," and I was surprised at the word choice. Is this angry? It might be a little self-indulgent (and self-indulgence is so not hot right now). And maybe it's just poop. But angry poop? I call out the crackas a couple times, but come on, can I get some freedom of speech up in here.

Here's the version I recorded a month or two ago.



MP3 File

(lyrics)
it's first responders
we tried to warn ya
crosby street ain't sweet
we run up on ya
beware the dynam duo
on the corner
richard on the cam
tan hit em like ammonia

whether nappy hoe
or silky-haired cracka
here to let you know
this the show that needs backers
for better or worse
we comb heaven and earth
or get the strangers out on crosby
that respond to us first
cursed, house negro
son they lettin' me out
always get that hot footage
blakeley edits it out
still nice w/ the words
seen the ghetto pass served
while i hit the streets for these crackas who don't have the nerve
so observe me change mediums
like the girl in Medium
open to all types but don't be bigger than a medium
oh, and also don't come at me with the tedium
i think that's why i drink
and stay higher than some helium
but really, um
this one in a mill-y-un blogger
can get your new media hotter
than christina milian
so come along,
as we get our silly on
first the calm
then First Responders respond
let's get it on

First Responders [Gawker]