Friday, January 30, 2009

The Four Horsemen of the Post-Racial Apocalypse

You don't need an old man farting in public to know how hot Black is at the moment. The melanin is straight up fire these days, son. Sometimes it feel like the whole United States of Obama is throwing up their hands to chorus: N to the izz-E, GR to the izz-O right now.

Grabbing the mic like, "We did it for our culture...".

Welcome to the Post-Racial Apocalypse, Now.

Yes, there's that post-buzzword buzzword that titillates the MultiCulturati. You read it in the newspapers, or while browsing the Post-Racial Porn section of your local video store. You see it in the blue-green-tangerine eyes of mixed-race-babies-with-the-pretty-hair on every urban professional street corner. At night you may spot it on the walls, capitalized in red horror-movie-blood italics: "POST-RACIAL!". Or maybe even on some girl's behind written in Juicy-Coutoure cursive. I have no links, but trust me, it's everywhere. A ten-letter reminder of the looming tectonic shift in the foundation of America's cultural infrastructure.

All signs point to Yes: the post-racial apocalypse is coming! It’s the end of racism. Or at least the end of abiding by a lot of White bullish! Either way: sound the alarm, and call out the exclamation points:

Look on yon horizon, the end is nigh! The signs are all around us, we are surrounded: Oprah controls media! Tiger has conquered sports! Will Smith charms the world via music and movies! And now, Obama, leads us all to the promised land! -- We hope! -- Using powers derived from their adamantium melanin-mutation they have become invincible; they are the four horsemen of the post-racial apocalypse!

Like the Great Pyramids, these four kings are less human and more force of nature; avatars of Black America's will to power. They are pillars on which a legacy of consequence and respect can be built. If life were a baseball game, they would be our Ruth, Gehrig, Mantle and DiMaggio.

So give them some love/dap if you're lucky enough to see them:


: Oprah

Horse: Media


Black Power: The Razor-Edged Sword of Black Cool.



Name: Tiger Woods

Horse: Sports

Story: Tiger, due to his “Cablinasian” background, is more like an adopted brother to the cause, but he has played a critical role in bringing about this Post-Racial Apocalypse.



Name: Barack Obama

Horse: Politics


The Final Seal: Only black guy who can smack his woman's ass on a national stage and make everyone love it and yell: Holla!




  1. that is such an awesome breakdown that I'm sitting here applauding and laughing at the same time. Bravo!!

  2. illish1/30/2009

    I second the brava! But I'd take Ali over Tiger.

  3. I agree. In the 21st century media, politics ans sports influence todays cultural landscape.

    Hence, we must never forget the HENCHMEN whom made it possible for the HORSEMEN to ensue this apocalyptic Racial Renaissance. Bill Cosby and Quency Jones made it possible for Will Smith to become the Fresh Prince of the universe. Jackie Robinson and Ali made the world understand that it's impossible to impede greatness, and no matter what the pundits say about Tigerwoods, the Warrior's dominance and titles speak for itself. "Enuf said"!
    There were Henchmen jounalist pioneering national TV like Ed Bradley and Larry McCormick which made it possible for the Queen to get her start. Finally, there must be no mistake that, had it not been for Jessie Jackson, L. Douglas Wilder and countless others President Obama would be a King deffered.

    Therefore, I'd like to add thanks to the Henchmen. Their efforts made it possible for the Horsemen to revere. In history, the Henchmen are often forgotten and overlooked. Yet, in the 50's it had been said, by the likes of Martin Luther King,Kivie Kaplan, John Lewis, Stanley Levinson, in your words; "they are pillars on which a legacy of consequence and respect can be built". Thus history has revealed that IT HAS.

    Moreover, as such, hitherto,upon their (Henchmen) backs the Court has emerged, ushering in the "Racial Rennaissance".

  4. Jenny With A Why1/31/2009

    "Outsourced brother." Awesome, just awesome.

  5. Anonymous1/31/2009

    Caucasian+Black = Earl Woods
    his mom - Asian
    NOw his da dad looked like the janitor on God Times. There is no way in the heck is his dad bi-racial
    nah outsourced his ass to another provicial group.

  6. Anonymous2/03/2009


  7. Cuntegonde2/04/2009

    Good stuff. Excellent post.

  8. You forgot Lil' Wayne! He the fifth horseman, son! His horse is music!

    ...this is me, sighing.

  9. Anonymous8/16/2009

    Beautiful words, ideas -- you make me look upward in support of humanity -- but we gotta look at reality sometimes... • The world itself is the will to power - and nothing else! And you yourself are the will to power - and nothing else!

    Your words confirm the will to power of the blak over the white, that's all...

    Hopefully you will grace us with more compassion for humanity instead of a declaration of some victory that is merely an idol, a representaive, a facsimile of a contrived and virtual (in the sense of non-real) contest that may exist in your mind.

    I don't believe white America has this mindset of a racial contest for power, and where it does exist I feel is of such minor importance that it may surprise you...

    Possibly you're profiling the white community with an image of the most disgusting segment of society/history that seems to have been cherished and preserved so certain ideas can have energy.

    Do you need the image of the racist whites and their hatred in order to give your thoughts some direction and purpose...

    I think the world is getting bored with this rhetoric that's several hundred years old. Let's get on with it, mate, and truly create and live in the post-racist experience. This would not be a dialog in the post-racist's existance...

    Oprah's rapist -- was he post racist -- was he white or black? I don't know... does it matter?


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