Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Dear Christina Applegate

"Christina Applegate, you gotta put me on..."

Who knew that legendary PM Dawn quotable about you would be so prescient?

Miss Bonita Applegate, you probably already know you have eternal TAN-cachet just off that ridiculously random hip hop reference, but I'm writing this letter to say I think you deserve dap of the highest order for being one of the few bombshells truly getting better with time.

As it turns out, your Kelly Bundy character was one of the more iconic ditzy-blonde-bimbo performances in the last 10-20+ years (wow, hard to believe it's been over 20 years since that show debuted). Kelly is/was possibly THE template for Trashy Teenage Trollop, and as The Sweetest Thing and Anchorman later showed, 'twas also the work of an actress with serious comedic skills:



But yesterday you raised the stakes by going on Good Morning America and letting folks know the results of your recent struggle with breast cancer. And since it's not too often you get to see a sex symbol, in her prime, talking about removing their first line of offense/defense via double mastectomy, I wanted to salute you. That move takes serious brass balls tacks, uh, labia-flaps.

Now you're 100% cancer-free and undergoing reconstructive surgery, so maybe we won't even know the difference next time we see you? But just in case things aren't the same -- and banking on your generous sense of humor -- I thought a couple clips capturing vintage usage of "the artists formerly known as your boobs" would be appropriate to celebrate. This is for the left:



and this tamer one is for the right:



Cameron Diaz & Christina Applegate - video powered by Metacafe


Good Luck,

TAN

16 comments:

  1. Anonymous8/20/2008

    If your sad, saggy little balls get cancer, remember to laugh. Because potentially deadly illnesses are hilarious!

    Good luck to you, you pathological asshole.

    ReplyDelete
  2. :(

    Hmmm, sensitive terrain we're walking, but it's a celebration of her being cancer-free, and choosing the tough -- but safer -- road to get there ...

    ... and it's with a comic actress.

    I may be irreparably unfunny, but I do hope if I were saddled with such a challenge that my sense of humor would have persevered along with the rest of me. Otherwise, what would be the point?

    respectfully,

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous8/20/2008

    And I hope that if you are faced with the choice to cut your testicles off in order to prevent an agonizing death from cancer, some idiot doesn't "celebrate" it by making crass jokes about your afflicted body parts. Perhaps that would be okay, though, because you're a "comic" writer.

    This one's for the left: GET
    This one's for the right: A CLUE

    ReplyDelete
  4. wait a second: mom? is that you?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Whoa...(looking around) Is it safe to come in here? Seems like there's a fusillade to dodge before I even leave my comment...

    Anyway, TAN I understand your reverence for Ms. Applegate's bravery. And this coming from a woman who lost her mother to the same affliction- I see nothing wrong with your post. It has your own unique stamp.

    Anon needs to have a coke & a smile and the other thing that Richard Pryor so aptly suggested...

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am a fan of Applegate. Married with children was before my time, but after briefly catching a few reruns, I'm glad. The Sweetest Thing and Don't tell mom the babysitter is dead, is where it all started for me. I hope all goes well for her.

    MsP

    ReplyDelete
  7. donmiguelb8/23/2008

    TAN -- I get where you were headed with that. Video tributes to each one -- you probably knew you were crossing a line there and went for it. Still and all -- Ms. Applegate is famous for crossing similar lines. Besides, the PM Dawn clip was all love.

    For the record, Anonymous, Christina Applegate is awesome and like TAN, I'm just happy she made it. I'm sorry you were so clearly angered by this blog post.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Too funny @ uh, labia flaps.

    I agree that Christina Applegate has appeared to have gotten better with time. She also turned out to be a pretty good actress, which I seldom see from a teen actress who made her name in sitcom comedy.

    ReplyDelete
  10. wow. i didn't even know she had breast cancer. i applaud her bravery.

    and i don't think there is anything wrong with this post. she is a comedic actress and keeping a sense of humor is all that gets some people through the rough times.

    hope all is well TAN!

    ReplyDelete
  11. ha! I love C.A. She is hilarious - that clip of The Sweetest Thing just reminded me of how she keeps me rolling.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Christina Applegate kicks ass for destigmatizing preventive mastectomy. It's a huge and difficult decision to make, and if she helps embolden even one other woman with a BRCA gene mutation to choose life over boobs, she's a hero.

    Uh, I'm not watching the clips. Boobies don't make me drool.

    Ms. Applegate may have gained fame for playing a ditz, but she's smart. Did you know she enjoys the New York Times crossword? True story. Hot.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous10/01/2008

    Check this out:

    http://jezebel.com/5057172/christina-applegate-discusses-her-double-mastectomy-on-oprah?autoplay=true

    Your glib attitude toward reconstructive surgery displays woeful ignorance about what it involves. You "won't know the difference," but these photos show the trauma associated with this process:

    http://www.myselftogetheragain.org/process.htm

    Before you make cheap jokes about someone's health problems, perhaps you should educate yourself, or grow a soul.

    ReplyDelete
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