(Still dutifully researching "Drunk White People". Have a bunch of them passed out in my basement RIGHT NOW, but studies remain inconclusive. However, send me your tales of Drunk White People preposterousness and I'll let you know when the official academic logs and reports come out. Look quizzically at a drunk white person, take mental notes, and we can change the world! More drunken TAN content to come! See below for more background.)
More on the you can not pass out around white people" beat. A few days ago T tipped me to a bizarre story, almost a direct re-enactment of this Chappelle joke: 25 year old white guy passes out on a friend's couch, wakes up to find his peeps have drawn human genitalia on his face, then proceeds to pull out a POCKETKNIFE because, apparently, Murfreesboro Tennessee mf'ers don't play that. A pocketknife.
The Smoking Gun picked the story up a couple days later with an amusing addendum:
In a TSG interview, Masse denied pulling a knife, but confirmed that a penis had been drawn on his face and that it "took some scrubbing" to remove the image, which apparently was applied with a Sharpie-like marker.
(Ha. how much for the impressionist peen, sharpie-on-canvas?)
I honestly believe that if we could figure out how the psychology in a series of events like this works we could end racism. Or something similarly monumental. There is definitely some gold in the deranged pathos that leads to getting joy out of drawing a penis on your friend's face.
I am an eccentric, with a mind that wanders into strange territory, but I have never, NEVER, felt the urge to draw a penis on another person's face. WTF? The only other explanation for this might be some manifestation of alpha-domination syndrome; like dogs or cats trying to sit in the power position. Obviously that plus the alleged pocketknife would indicate that "modernity" still hasn't caught on in all parts of the country.
Old school knife-fighting aside, I continue to platform this -- Chappelle might call it "carrot in the ass disease" -- as a singularly caucasian phenomenon. I thought maybe this train of thought was the white analogue to nonsensical flareups at hip hop shows; someone steps on your sneakers and ARRGH you throw a chair at them, for example. But I don't think that has the same WTF quotient. Hip hop fights are just like bar fights, it's all testosterone spontaneous combustion. But this Penis Picassoing of the face and then sticking around to admire your work? That's soooooo weird....
I don't think we should ignore these people. If we study their ways we'll likely uncover something very important about ourselves.
photo via: Jez Gallery of Drunk Dudes