Friday, November 18, 2011

"Just A Friend" = the New Hip-Hop National Anthem

Everyone knows Biz Markie's classic "Just A Friend. Probably more so than the real national anthem (also a "classic").

And it's useful for commercials:

Or Late Night television where Jimmy Kimmel got it updated it for Facebook

Not to mention my interview w/ Biz a few years ago. Which if you missed it, here's that transcript again:

Biz: Have you ever met a girl that you tried to date, but a year to make love she wanted you to wait?

TAN: a year? no way, that's ridiculous.

Biz: Let me tell ya a story of my situation. I was talking to this girl from the u.s. nation

TAN: Huh, ok, yeah I feel you, I've only messed with stateside girls too. But the foreign chicks do intrigue me...

Biz: The way that I met her was on tour at a concert. She had long hair and a short miniskirt.

TAN: So? Well, I guess it is better than short hair and a long skirt ...

Biz: I just got off stage dripping, pouring with sweat. I was walking through the crowd and guess who I met? I whispered in her ear, "come to the picture booth, so I can ask you some questions to see if you're 100 proof"

TAN: picture booth?

B: I asked her her name, she said blah-blah-blah

T: word. How'd she look?

B: She had 9/10 pants and a very big bra

T: holla!

B: I took a couple of flicks and she was enthused. I said, how do you like the show? She said, I was very amused. I started throwing bass, she started throwing back mid-range But when I sprung the question, she acted kind of strange.

T: What'd you ask her?

B: Then when I asked, do ya have a man, she tried to pretend she said, "no I don't, I only have a friend."

T: oh dude, i don't know. that sounds a little sketchy ...

B: Come on, I'm not even going for it. This is what I'm going to sing ...

T: you're gonna sing?

B: You, you got what I need
but you say he's just a friend
And you say he's just a friend,
oh baby you, got what I need
but you say he's just a friend
But you say he's just a friend,
oh baby you, got what I need
but you say he's just a friend
But you say he's just a friend

T: uhhhh ...

B: So I took blah-blahs word for it at this time. I thought just having a friend couldn't be no crime. Cause I have friends and that's a fact, like agnes, agatha, jermaine, and jack.

T: Agnes? Agatha?

B: Forget about that, lets go into the story. About a girl named blah-blah-blah that adored me.

T: from you've said, it didn't sound like she "adored" you. She said, "very amused?" who even says that?

B: So we started talking, getting familiar. Spending a lot of time so we can build a relationship, or some understanding. How its gonna be in the future we was planning.

T: damn, you moving kind of fast son!

B: Everything sounded so dandy and sweet. I had no idea I was in for a treat.

T: word?

B: After this was established, everything was cool.

T: oh, ok.

B: The tour was over and she went back to school.

T: kinda young, huh?

B: I called every day, to see how she was doing. Every time that I called her, it seemed something was brewing. I called her and a guy picked up, and then I called again. I said, yo, who was that?

T: what'd she say?

B: "oh, he's just a friend."

T: nahh yo!

B: Don't gimme that, don't even gimme that. yo bust this ...

T: wait, are you gonna sing again?

B: You, you got what I need
but you say he's just a friend
And you say he's just a friend,
oh baby you, got what I need
but you say he's just a friend
But you say he's just a friend,
oh baby you, got what I need
but you say he's just a friend
But you say he's just a friend

T: Why are you singing? Did someone say you can sing?! [pause] it is kind of catchy though...

B: So I came to her college on a surprise visit. To see my girl that was so exquisite.

T: Oh this is bad. surprise visits are never a good look. Also, a lot of hype for a 9/10 pants girl, just sayin'.

B: It was a school day, I knew she was there. The first semester of the school year.

T: good detective work!

B: I went to a gate to ask where was her dorm. This guy made me fill out a visitors form. He told me where it was and I as on my way. To see my baby doll, I was happy to say.

T: yo, I can't believe you went to her dorm. this is just some college girl who came to your show, right ...?

B: I arrived in front of the dormitory. Yo, could you tell me where is door three?

T: ... it's also weird you had to fill out the form before getting to the dorm. such weird security. Was this NYU?

B: They showed me where it was, for the moment. I didn't know I was in for such an event. So I came to her room and opened the door. Oh, snap! guess what I saw?

T: what??!!?

B: A fella tongue-kissing my girl in the mouth, I was so in shock my heart went down south.

T: damn, that sucks. but at least he wasn't penis-sexing your girl in the butt!

B: So please listen to the message that I say. Don't ever talk to a girl who says she just has a friend.

T: word.

The Original Video:


  1. i wonder how much $$ biz has seen off this song. is there a hip hop economics blog?

  2. also, what is the proper paperwork to change the national anthem? who's in charge of that?

  3. you are partially responsible for not letting this song die.

    the grins on the dudes' faces in the commercial = amazing. man, biz is hard to watch. every part of my body clenches. not in a good way.

    p.s. i tried to figure out method for anthem change but all i learned was that if you want to change the anthem to "georgia on my mind" you're probably a redneck...


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