Tuesday, June 06, 2006

TAN's Dating Exit Survey

We have exit surveys when we vote. Why not when we date? Here's some of the questions on my survey:

So, um, do you actually want to remain friends?

A. Definitely, we had chemistry, just want different things.
B. Yeah, sure, WHATEVER.
C. I'll say hello when I see you, how about that?
D. I'll be your friend only to have a better view as I destroy your life from the inside like a Trojan Horse infested with spiteful-friends-that-stab-you-in-the-back.
E. Please ask me this in person so I can spit in your face.


Do you want to remain friends w/ benefits?
A. HOLLA!!!
B. NOLLA!!! (pronounced NAHLA)


How open to booty recruiting calls are you?
A. You better not call me after 2AM, or I'll be angry!
B. You better not call me after midnight, or I'll be angry!
C. You better not call me after 10 PM, or I'll be angry!
D. You better not call me. With a phone. Or your mouth. Or a sign. Or anything. Or I'll kill you!!!


How many calls/e-mails per month do you consider adequate for “friendship maintenance?”
A. 1
B. 1 a week
C. whoah nelly, slow down there!


Please refresh my memory, are you able to cook fairly well?



Do you understand why TAN designated you for re-assignment? (please select as many as appropriate.)
A. He needed more space.
B. I wanted more than TAN could give.
C. I couldn’t hold a conversation.
D. I revealed psychotic tendencies.
E. I frustrated TAN sexually.
F. I intimidated TAN sexually.
G. I kept joking about running my fingers through his wooliness.
H. Oral technique needs work.
I. Someone hotter and fresher came along.
J. Someone not necessarily hotter, but fresher, came along.
K. My vagina stinks.
L. Someone hotter, but not as fresh, returned into his life.
M. I kept bringing up his mother.
N. In all the various drafts of this survey lying around his house I never once saw a choice that entertained the notion of me rejecting him. And I called him on it.
O. I talk too much.
P. I’m insecure.
Q. I didn’t read his blog.
R. I kept asking why he’s so sensitive about his age.
S. I asked if he was really going to give a choice for each letter of the alphabet, or if he would stop when the joke, if you can call it that, had more than run its course.
T. All of the above.


Do you wish TAN was?
A. Dead
B. Stupid
C. Rich
D. White


TAN’s abode was?
A. humble
B. refreshingly quirky
C. a palace
D. what abode? You said you lived in LA/Asia/France/Africa/Jamaica.


While with TAN you were treated like?
A. Queen
B. Princess
C. Sex object
D. Cold sore
Feel free to add on, or personalize as you see fit.

13 comments:

  1. Anonymous6/06/2006

    I like the Holla/Nolla part. funny.

    ReplyDelete
  2. How about:

    You offered to pay how often?
    A) Every date.
    B) Every other date.
    C) When I felt like it.
    D) Pay?????????

    You laughed at TAN's jokes...
    A) Often, because they're funny!
    B) To make him feel good, even when they tanked.
    C) rarely - more likely I slammed them down.
    D) I don't recall any jokes.

    --YY

    ReplyDelete
  3. And you say the Pistons have an ego problem.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous6/06/2006

    "my vagina stinks" - nasty

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh dear god you are a dawg, but funny. Thanks for the chuckle as usual!

    ReplyDelete
  6. tan, tan, tan - when you gonna ditch those stinky vaginas and get with some fresh, intimidating, pot-pourri action.

    (can't believe i wrote that)

    ReplyDelete
  7. white diddy - what? i have self-effacement sprinkled generously all over this post. the pistons have way bigger ego problems than me.

    choatey - did you smell like pot-pourri at choate also? hmmmmm

    ReplyDelete
  8. 1. How many times were you really on the pill?
    a. Never
    b. Err.. sometimes
    c. What pill? I never said I was on the pill!
    d. What? Are you trying to accuse me of something... It's yours Tan.. See it's WHITE!!

    X

    ReplyDelete
  9. I wish I'd get treated like a cold sore. Fondled and touched repeatedly, thought about constantly, looked at, talked about. Maybe not happy when I'm gone...

    ReplyDelete
  10. tan.

    This sh*t is linkable.

    Rock on wicho crazy self.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous8/26/2006

    Excellent information on
    russian_dating
    for easy reference

    ReplyDelete
  12. Fondled and touched repeatedly, thought about constantly, looked at, talked about.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts with Thumbnails