Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Dear TAN: As the Ass of Your Blog Turns, Or Something

Send your questions/letters to theassimilatednegro [at] gmail [dot] com.

In this edition: How to shortcut-access this blog!

Dear TAN,

Noticed I'd started typing "ass" into my browser address bar to get to your site a bit back. Realized I could just as easily type "as". Would you rather have a rump association going on in my head when I'm looking for you, or preposition?




Firstly, thanks for asking! There are many things we do not understand in this world. Many things we know exist, but can't tangibly grasp. Associations by way of browser address routines are certainly one of the numerous, perhaps infinite, number of intangibilia that indeed influence the way you, me and everyone we know lead our lives. If you think a certain thing, or are triggered into a certain mode/sensibility by way of my url-shortcut, then that quite possibly frames my content as much as the blogger template, letters, and words. It -- WE -- are all connected.

As we try and fix the circuitry of life, it'd be easy to overlook this little filament of a notion. Luckily, because you are bold enough to ask what needs to be asked, we at least have a point of entry.

So. Now. "As" or "Ass"? Well, I guess it's more about what the associations do in your head. That is to say TAN is here to please. Or at least provoke in a pleasant fashion. So my natural impulse reaction is to give the "Ass" a thumbs up, but then again I'm a guy; we thumbs up most anything that's moist on the inside, and in close proximity to a viable orifice for our egos. (hmmm, should I edit that?). So the question really is for you: does "ass" make you think, "oooooh, ass. i want me some of that." or "i'm glad i do yoga/run/eat right/sex-like-a-champ cause i got a good one..." or maybe "lots of fine asses 'round town these days." Does the word make you think things that fall on the spectrum somewhere between positive and innocuous?

Or does it make you think of assh*les, and/or people who act like asses (is there a difference?); the smell of ass, and/or the ghosts of gas-passed past. and other such cheerless ephemera.

i can only presume "as", the preposition, is more of a blank slate. at least, that's what it is for me. something neither here nor there in terms of associative properties. I guess its entirely possible for you to have strong feelings about grammar, and positive or negative emotive connections in that regard. I know grammar enthusiasts. And was once good friends with a girl who was abused by commas as a little girl; totally killed our chances of making beautiful poetry together.

Anyas, i like showy. i like to stand out. when i can. when appropriate. I'd rather be a stinky ass, than an unnoticed preposition. Psychologist Caorl Gilligan teaches growing up as a process of slow-forgetting. I want to be remembered! Even when you're old! So if forced to choose between two undesirables, i'm inclined to go with an indelible ass.

but as with all things, it really just depends... somehow, though, i think this particular train of thought will linger with me for a while. Thanks for the food for thought.



top ass image: via


  1. Please don't talk about ass, ass, ass and then switch to food in the last sentence. That doesn't sit right with my appetite.

  2. Anonymous7/21/2009

    thank you for this.
    after perusing depressing news followed by blathering editorials footnoted by piffling comments i knew that a visit to TAN (fyi you're bookmarked) would save the evening.

  3. Anonymous7/21/2009

    It works for me that I type "the" to get your blog in the browser... as in *the* blog, ya know.

  4. What in heaven's name is going on in that picture?

  5. Sarah- I doubt whatever it is, that it's going on in heaven's name.

    TAN. Wow, some comments on a post I fed. Sometimes all it takes is talking about something and what doesn't seem to change, changes. "As" for what ass-ociations arise for me when I type either "as" or "ass"... "As" boring. "Ass" rings in my head like a sister or girlfriend hissing it to an annoying brother/boyfriend. I think that's why I wrote. Cause it doesn't fit how I feel bout you n yours. So what to do, what to do? Could just bookmark you. But have too many bookmarks already. Could type "the" like above, but that's right in there with "as." Could get on with my day right now, cause I need to. K. We'll see what happens. I'll keep your post posted.


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