Thursday, December 21, 2006

Ghetto Pass Person of the Year: You, Caucasians

This week's Ghetto Pass came to me as I slept in the middle of the night. The headline of "You, Caucasians" really brings a smile to my face.

But the real joy of joys came when I googled a term that I wondered if I coined, and you can imagine my delight when I googled "Hipsturd" and not one single solitary entry came up. There's nothing that won't return you a few items. I feel I should be able to sell this term to Google for $40M or something.

Anyway, it's perfect. When people talk about "hipsters" they only want to talk about them as "nerds" and most importantly, they only want to talk sh*t about them. Hence, "hipsturds™."

Bwahahahahahaha. I am a GOLDEN BLOGGER GOD!!!! BWAAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

HIPSTURDS™!!! BWAHAHAAHAHA.

Ghetto Pass Person of the Year: You, Caucasians [Gawker]
Time Person of the Year: You. [Time]
Previously on Ghetto Pass

16 comments:

  1. Why didn't I think of that first?

    hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate

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  2. I like "hipsturd" because a good part of "absurd" is in that word.

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  3. Brilliant! I shall go forth and sing The Word to San Francisco's Mission District.

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  4. love it, TAN. I also love Bed bath & Beyond, what can I say?

    your column gets better each week.

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  5. Anonymous12/21/2006

    "hipsturd" is a good word. good work TAN. though, I'm sure somewhere somehow said it before.

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  6. Anonymous12/21/2006

    i really can't believe you left out white gays. everyone knows they are the first white people to naively step foot in the ghetto. oh and as one of them, i can speak from experience that we're not immune from harm just by mere fact of being white.

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  7. You're a genius. Have you entered in wiki yet?

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  8. Dammit TAN dammit! You've raised the bar.

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  9. Anonymous12/22/2006

    I don't wanna take it too seriously, you know, 'cause I don't mind this humour. But I would like to point out that taking the gentrification criticism at whites too seriously means, of course, falling into the same old trap of confusing class with race. Besides, I lived for two years in Crown Heights, and both my landlords were local AfAms (both Jamaican) and they were just as shitty and greedy as any white landlord I've had. Don't mistake for moment the color of landlord's skin as being relevant. Any black Harlemite property owner and renter (they exists, believe it or not) would love to jack rents up and get the crack smokers and thugs out of the 'hood. I've noticed that about two typed of black people: little old ladies fed up with the ganster horse shit and black entrepreneurs.

    The last time I heard somebody complain about "lazy blacks" the comment came form a black Haitian immigrant who can't believe that American blacks aren't economically empowered. While African Americans whine about getting a reparation check, African-African Americans are moving onward and upward. More power to them.

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  10. All hail TAN, the new Golden Blogger God! However, I fear I must bust your bubble. I was playing Googlewhack with "hipsturds" and various other adjectives and discovered a use of the word that pre-dates yours: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/69190/kid_congos_into_cleveland.html?page=2

    Hope you didn't spend that $40 million from Google yet. Happy Festivus.

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  11. mist - your cup of hate spilleth over.

    copy editor - good point, I didn't think of that.

    jackson - please do! thanks, let mek now how it goes.

    choatey - your TAN devotion is always appreciated.

    anon1 - NEVER!!

    anon2 - I left out folks, definitely. but i already feel i'm teeming over with words for an online blog forum. but as long as you know ...

    sobercity - thanks. i think i'm more idiot-savant, but i'll take it. don't think the wiki is up, though i haven't checked, if not, feel free to start it.

    mo - to your calves ...

    anon4 - agreed. thanks for the disclaimer ...

    star - pfft. that link doesn't work, i dont' acknowledge it

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  12. oh sure that link works, I'm looking at the page right now. See if this works: http://tinyurl.com/sawge

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  13. Anonymous12/24/2006

    anon4 I'm the daughter of Haitian immigrants. There are five siblings on my mom's side, one sibling on my dad's side who live in the US. On my mom's side none, save my mom, posses more than a High School diploma, on my dad's side...I think his sister possesses less. Only one of the six siblings doesn't own a house. Of the five siblings, four of them own a house in NYC; the other one used to own a house in NYC but now lives in Florida. It does beggar a question as to why black Americans aren't more economically mobile. Of the first generation kids, of the 14 of us who could have high school diplomas (two are too young), 13 do. Of the 11 who could have college diplomas, 5 do, and one is on pace to have hers completed in the next year and a half (she dropped out but went back) which puts my family, statistically above, not just black Americans, but white Americans too on economic and educational indicators. It can't simply be a question of race.

    On the side I teach college prep classes to "disadvantaged" kids - the black kids skew heavily towards kids who are the children of immigrants. I teach one class in an inner city school where the kids come from a variety of different NYC high schools. You can almost pinpoint by behavior which kids are the children of immigrants and which ones aren't.

    I’m not an idiot, racism does exist, but maybe there's something in the rice and beans that tend to make up the food of black immigrants, because we do come out different.

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  14. To the anon4 above, there was some survey taken a couple months ago that showed that, i think for the first time ever, the majority of Americans no longer believe that the American Dream exists. If you don’t have truly have hope, you don’t really bother to try. I think people who come to this country still have hope, and still have more hope to pass on to their kids, so they still try.

    This is, of course, very simplistic and only one of many factors affecting people, but I see it in my generation (black and white) and can understand why so many of us seem to have somewhat stalled.

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  15. Oops, sorry, that was actually to anon5.

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  16. Sorry I didn't click on this one sooner, TAN. Your description of the "off-white" caucasian literally had me rolling.

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