A Portrait of The Artist As A Young Booty Dancer

Great artists are at their peak when: 1. They have great tools, 2. They know how to use them.

So it figures that women maximize their potential when: 1. They have a great booty, 2. They know how to use it.

Well guys and gals, with regards to the first directive, the NY Times kindly informs us that psychologist David A. Holmes has come up with an equation to measure the perfect female posterior. This renders him immediately eligible for a Nobel Prize and inclusion in the Pantheon of Epically and Monumentally Important Supermen(PEMIS).

Holmes' formula is:
(S + C) x (B + F)/T - V = X(Booty Factor)
(earlier report on boingboing lists equation as (S+C) x (B+F)/T = V)

S = Overall Shape (“including tendency to droop”)
C = Circularity, B = Bounce Factor (not to be confused with “wobble”)
F = Firmness (with perfect being “like a comfy bed”)
T = Skin Texture
V = Vertical Ratio (the goal: “on the top-heavy side of symmetrical”)

Holmes showcases an amusingly incisive understanding of the human condition,

"... because you can dress yourself up in a suit, you can put on your makeup and cover up all of nature’s ills and pretend you’re in great shape, but if you stand naked and stare backward into the mirror, you have to confront reality.”

Ahh yes, stare into the abyss and the abyss stares back at you. Indeed, I often find myself provoked to tears when a backwards glance at the mirror forces me to consider the plight of my dimpled meaningless existence.

But I digress...

Most great artists understand that: 1. Tools are nice, 2. Great skill makes up for modest tools.

And so it figures that for females: 1. A booty is nice, 2. Superior booty skills can balance out an inferior booty. As with the average-sized penis, no one cares about the physical dimensions if your skills are genius.

To demonstrate we have video of a gifted artist/female. For the woman seeking perspective on how her abilities stack up, this performance serves as a seminal *cough*, benchmark demonstration of skillsSKILLZ. Master this routine and you master the world. And for the man who thinks sexual boredom is an inevitability on par with death and taxes, I invite you to bear witness to a living, breathing, 100-position appendix to the Kama Sutra. Her name is Junko, she is a dancer, she is a god. She's an artist who has the tools, and knows how to use them. We shall all worship at the altar of her semi-NSFW greatness (ascent into godly plane starts around 1:30 mark):


Junko's MySpace [Myspace]
Tushology [NYTimes Magazine]