Tuesday, August 14, 2007

True Negro Confessions: Ebony Section on Porn Websites

Porn bares naked the primal vice in all of us. Sex without the reproductive agenda is visceral vanity. There is no concealing the ugliness when you’re all sweaty and stroking it to a picture of some burly guy slamming his love-staff in some girl’s arsehole while he steps on her face (and that's just what the ladies are looking at!). Suffice to say when one is "in session," a leap of faith is required. Faith you remembered to lock the door before getting started, and faith the pigeon staring at you from outside the window is not a roving spy-cam for the government.

Of course if your character in some way is predicated on the kind of porn you like, it figures the kind of porn you avoid also says something. And nowadays when black solidarity is so important to our economic empowerment, you can surely understand my shock and concern when I met this black guy who:

Skips The Ebony Section On Porn Sites

TAN: So can you state your problem for the record?

Le'Tron: I am a frequent masturbator, but even in the neediest times I never turn to the "Ebony section" on a porn site.

TAN: How do you feel about this?

Le’Tron: I feel nauseous. I make myself throw up on myself. I also feel a deep sense of shame. Every time I rub one out I set my people back fifty years. This is who I am. Can you imagine? Don't look at me!!

TAN: Do you think you’d feel the same sense of shame if you weren’t black? What impact does you being a black man have on the situation?

Le'Tron: Where’s my pride? Where’s my integrity? Most importantly, what would Oprah say? Would she cradle me in her arms and explain to the audience through streaming tears why they should tolerate the foul stench of my masturbatory discrimination? Or would she be curt and shun me, such that I may never be able to walk the earth amongst the black bourgeoisie again? A life without Oprah's approval is not worth living.

TAN: How does this happen? Were you raised by racist wolves?

Le'Tron: My only defense is: can you blame me? I’m know I'm not the only one giving a thumbs down to the ebony section. I’ve been cultured to think of my people as animals. Gorillas! I don’t want to f*ck a gorilla dammit! I don’t want a fat-ass dread-locked silverback in my fantasy! I want one of those nubile perfectly-toned white cuties who run away from the monsters. In their tube-tops and short-shorts with sweat glistening on their bodies ...

TAN: Mmmmm sweaty white girls ...

Le’Tron: mmmmm

TAN: Can you give us some insight to your thought process? What influences your choice of porn?

Le'Tron: Well first I consider the basic parameters for my day: am I at home, in an office, church bathroom? Am I alone, or with company? Am I single or dating? Have I had sex in a while, and how was it? Am I just cleaning out the pipes, or is masturbating all I’m doing today? All of these things affect the particular hue of porn I'm looking for.

Eventually you have to pick girls: there's babes, porn-stars, asian, mature, fetal, big boobies, big booties, lip moustaches, corns-on-the-feet, etc. etc.

My problem is I try them all out except one … ebony.

Maybe it’s the pool of women they have to choose from. Do hot black girls not do porn? I guess that would actually be good. Maybe young hot black women got too much going on for that. In which case my problem is kind of uplifting.

TAN: I don't think anyone would find your porn tendencies uplifting. Have you thought about solutions for the problem?

Le'Tron: I don’t know. I think production value is lacking. I think regular porn has cameras and lighting, and black porn productions use camera-phones and flashlights. Maybe in addition to politicians, scientists, mailroom managers etc., we should also make sure to cultivate the next generation of black pornographers.

Does Spike Lee have a pervy brother we don’t know about? We should get him.

Or maybe we can get a foundation started. Or some sort of grant to help those without flashlights. An historically black school of porn sounds pretty awesome. Only through education can we become pornographically empowered. It's all about grad school dude! Master of the Porn Arts here I come!

27 comments:

  1. SassyM8/14/2007

    I actually get turned on by black guys...tall, strong, big dick-ed guys...

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  2. Anonymous8/14/2007

    camera phones and flashlights, hilarity!

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  3. If only I could figure out where they're hiding all this internet porn...

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  4. TAN, I think you're brilliant, funny, and intelligent! Love this posting... keep writing and making us all examine our own insecurities...

    —Indian girl who feels uncomfortable with any porn... but trying to open my mind...
    Love,
    Jhilmil

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  5. No worries TAN -- I provide much needed balance to the universe by buttering my corn cob solely to jungle porn.

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  6. I'll never look at a corn cob the same way, again. Thanks, Portland.

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  7. As a black chick...should I be ashamed when I have one leg propped up as I "rub one out" watching black porn?
    *I mean..if I did that type of thing...*

    Tell your friend that... black porn contributes to men (and women) "rubbing one out" INSTEAD of letting the tension build to the point of going crazy on a mutha-effa... so in essence...black porn is actually saving lives.

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  8. ok.. I gotta agree with L'Tron a lil bit! I mean when I see Mr. Marcus (in that damn baseball cap) in the same hotel room with a whack story line pounding into a sista with a 2 dollar weave and 7 fingernails...HANDling my business is the last thing on my mind.. the producer in me is thinking "who did this casting? and was the hair/makeup team on break? WTF??" I watch Black porn, but it doesn't "do it" for me.. well, come to think of it.. no porn really makes me "happy", but it will get the fire burning to give me the nerve to make a phone call or too.. you know get some "delivery"! HA! but "ebony" has so many flaws and country sitings, that I can't focus on being aroused, I too worried about the fact that Jay Steed is rapping and fucking at the same time! KILL YO'SELF!

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  9. Oh please, that was just another excuse for a black man to �get with� a white girl�


    LOL @ �Where�s my pride? Where�s my integrity? Most importantly, what would Oprah say? � A life without Oprah's approval is not worth living�.


    MsP

    PS-TAN I�m not trying to get down your pants, I swear�

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  10. I'm shocked that blacksonblondes.com was not mentioned in this post.

    The only place I see decent black girls in porn (who even looks at the guys?) is in amateur stuff, so I am not surprised by your friend's proclivities.

    With the porn available out there being mostly white girls from russia, one does have to wonder what effect this has. Not so much to the men but think of the women being jammed forcefully into an expected stereotype.

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  11. Well, maybe he feels "naughty" enjoying the non-ebony female. Which, in that case, whattaya gonna do? Maybe being with a black girl is too personal, too intimate, for him. Perhaps he takes black girls seriously, unlike the porn chicks he goes for. I don't think it's as cut and dried as "materbates to non-black girls" = "racist". It could also just be in the DNA. Are gay men dissing females? Hmmm? I don't think so.

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  12. tehennapenna8/15/2007

    where and how on earth do you find the pics you use with your posts?

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  13. tehennapenna8/15/2007

    I'm thinking specifically of ones like today's and the one of the woman with the screaming eyes.

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  14. all porn is good porn LOL well except the kiddie porn that's f*cked up but they're all pretty entertaining to me!

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  15. what's funny is you had this convo with yourself about porn, right!?

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  16. Anonymous8/16/2007

    I've actually seen a guy put his foot on a chicks head while he was juicing and i felt bad for the girl b/c the on her face was like "how did i get here" .....good read

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  17. Anonymous8/16/2007

    Quality post - black porn often fails to meet the same quality as standard white porn.

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  18. eauhellzgnaw8/17/2007

    For the most part, I don't think black men with this preference are those who exalt white over black beauty.

    I've heard a couple other explanations for this:

    1.) Most porn is degrading to women, and watching black women be degraded creates so much guilt that it's a turn-off. Or, watching non-black chicks get plowed/degraded (especially by black men) is a turn-on.

    2.) Black chicks just aren't as nasty/enthusiastic.

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  19. lolita8/17/2007

    Tan, you've got issues. Lucky for you, you've got a sense of humour. Otherwise you'd be one depressed, militant mutha with a penchant for the lily white - pink. That's if you aren't already one.

    Just remember there is pink in everyone of us.

    p.s. Too true, the production value in "ebony" porn is non existent.

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  20. I love the raunchiness of Black porn but sometimes some of the shit that are in the videos are wack like Goodness said.

    It is hard to find a good raunchy quality porn.

    Bygbaby

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  21. Call me a crazy black woman, but I'd rather not see any black female porn stars out there. There are some things for which we should just not seek equality.

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  22. www.persiankitty.com

    ^^
    My fave free pr0n site.

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  23. Man, you make some good points but damn, I love me some good ol nasty, juicy porn. In fact, my blog in that is worthcoming. Its just something about watching something so completely nasty, raunchy and seemingly forbidden that makes me too curious to look away, even when I'm totally grossed out. Oh well. I'll probably check in on some of my favorite sites later on.

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  24. Anonymous9/01/2007

    I usually feel the worst about jackin it when I do it to a black chick. For some reason, I actually start to think about them as people instead of sex objects.

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  25. Anonymous2/27/2011

    Great and very informative post.

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