What do you think about pigeons?
I'm very suspicious of them. It's like, what are they here for really?
They run in packs, but yet they act totally independent. They want to eat, shit, and piss wherever. But then they always come begging for food. It's like they're permanent bird-teenagers.
But I have a theory on pigeons. I think they're roving spy-cameras for the government.
This isn't a passing notion here. I've had this thought for years. My body is now conditioned to physically respond to pigeons as if they're roving spy-cameras for the government. When they're around I act as if someone's watching me.
Here's an example:
Say I'm at home by myself. And I get a little urge to rub one out (y'know, I'm watching NY1 or something).
Of course the beauty of living alone is you can do whatever you want, wherever you want.
So I get into it, and what invariably happens halfway into the session is a pigeon will fly up on my windowsill and start peering into the apartment.
(This may actually be how the pigeon-cam theory started because I just don't understand a pigeon flying on to the windowsill while you're openly masturbating and not flying away. AND THEY DO IT ALL THE TIME!
Plus, they're not acting like whimsical pigeons with little brains who can't focus on anything. They always seem to "take notice" and look directly at you. And by you I mean me. )
Of course once you're into a session, no man is to be denied. So I eventually tune them out and continue raping myself. But just so the government agents who monitor the footage know that I'm on to them, I usually give the pigeon some sort of wink or acknowledgment. I just don't like anyone to think they have something on me. And when the government eventually calls me in, and plays me back hours and hours of masturbation footage, I'm going to say, "whatever dorks, I knew you were watching all along." And right then, at the moment when I should feel most embarrassed, I'm going to feel the most pride.