Wednesday, November 21, 2007

It's A Thin Line Between Love & Misogyny

So I got railed on my orgasm post, and I wanted to respond and defend myself:

Getting In Touch With Your Masculine Side: funny, my first thought is i can't help but think a lot of these Jezebel ladies are acting like dudes. "Oh, he still thinks all we need is an orgasm." Grunt. "Oh, he doesn't know about vibrators." Grunt Grunt. "Woman-hater!" Farrrrt. The whole guy-cliche is they don't care enough to think beneath the surface. Which I can only presume is as silly as me broadly painting all women as feminists-who-don't-want-to-cum. So yeah, maybe the post has a cliché spirit (TGIF!), but i would think you'd want to avoid being cliché in your criticism of it.

My Mama Is Dead
: Moe astutely points out I have mama issues. The only thing is it feels more like a "gotcha" than a commiseration on an issue we both realize. Any digging into my blog reveals a crazy person. and not the crazy I'd like to be, all incredibly compelling and artistic with monumental feats of insane expression. just crazy ... like, everyone just back away from the computer slowly.

When I was a young school boy and I got the usual "Your mama ...." attacks, my response was always "I don't care. You can talk about my mama." or I'd go the "my mama is dead" route. My mother gave me up when I was 5 by putting me in a cab by myself and sending me to the father she had to that point brainwashed me to hate. My next three hang-out seshes with her were all instances of me being kidnapped, twice off the street, once out of my classroom; sometimes I think i hold on to love like the leg of the school table I grabbed on to as she and her new boyfriend yanked me out of the classroom. So, um, yeah, "mommy issues" ... maybe.

For the record, I usually put all that out there on a first date. Maybe even after the first drink or air-kiss. Cause I'm crazy raw like that. So, y'know, yeah ...... bummer cause it's true. But it's cool because I use your orgasm to medicate and make you heart me. win-win!

When is an Orgasm more than an Orgasm
: Ok, yes, vibrators. Woo hoo! i get it. If it were really all about the orgasm, women would marry their vibrators. Brilliant. thanks girls. So smart ... YOU.

Here's my thing: if you're in a traditional, loving, *wifed-up* relationship and you're not cumming, or not able to cum via your partner ..... then I don't know, everyone's free to do what they want, but I'm definitely looking squinty-eyed if you try and tell me how satisfying your relationship is.

As far as I'm concerned, we need to eat, drink, shit and oooooooooooo. So if you're not getting that from your partner, you have to get it from somewhere. a machine, another person, shampoo, blogging .... whatever. but you have to get it. the release is not negotiable. How you release, maybe. Now is there anything else in life this, uh, rigid? this permanent? Whether something has power is determined by your need/reliance on it. If there's one supplier of food, they hold power. If there's one toilet bowl, it holds power as well. And if you value your orgasm, then the Orgasm Distributor holds power. That's me. What time do I punch in?

Orgasm Stock Market: Related to the above, sexual compatibility is fundamental to a healthy relationship. To a healthy Human Corporation. And the bottom line of sexual compatibility is Orgasms. That's the primary currency. If I get a few female analysts reporting that I'm investing a lot of funds in orgasm research and development, does that make me a buy or sell? How hot is my IPO (Initial Penis Offering) in that situation? If the financial market analogy holds, then I'd think 'm heading for a nice market valuation. Like maybe even more than Facebook.

Hate is a Four-Letter Word, Like F*ck, But It Doesn't Provide Orgasms
: I'm a women-hater? Well you must be a man-hater. So there. Hrrrumph! ..... Yay! Productive! I'm not even going to belabor this too much because I just saw Stevie Wonder in concert last night and as his disciple it makes me want to cry to even have women-hating suggested as part of my character. I think this is the reason I wrote a response at all. In Stevie's words, as eloquently sung to "Vision in my Mind" Sat. night, hate is unacceptable. So, I don't hate you, but fuck you for saying it. I've shed toooooooooooooooo many tears, and my heart has been slammed into the turnbuckle too many times to even consider such ludicrosity. Honestly, it's just mean. My post wasn't mean. Orgasms are not mean.

The Black Blogger Always Rings Twice: Look, maybe some guys can stand it. And I'm not totally balding with a mid-life crisis yet, so maybe I still have too much alpha-pride about this. But O's are so pleasurable and vital, how could I deal with not being able to provide some women I like with that? it's the ultimate heartbreak. I don't think I could be the impotent guy whose wife loves him but he has to let her go bang the black blogger who's dealing crack orgasms to deal with his mommy/abandonment issues. That's too much of a head-trip for me. And I'm too proud. I never say never, and maybe with time and therapy you can wrap your head around it and figure out coping mechanisms, but my ideal relationship only needs the two parties involved to figure things out. I don't want to need meds and professionals so i can get your kitty wet. Feel me? I mean maybe we bring in meds and professionals just to spice things up .... but by default? F that. it's a pain in the ass, and I don't have time for it. Don't forget I'm also trying to give you the world, or at least as much of the internet version of it as i can.

soooooo ..... now ........ do you understand me a little bit better? Hmmmmm babydoll[s]? xxxxoxoxoxoxoxo?

If so, good. Now how about that orgasm? And just for me being crude the other day we'll make it all about you tonight. But ... I still want to stand up and taunt after I f the shit out of you? Is that cool? Can I be a man again?

Great. Now how do you like it .......what makes you cum? Tell me ... I want to know. Didn't a woman come up with the whole "knowledge is power" thing anyways? hollllerrrrrrrr.


  1. Um, well, I, er, didnt really think you hated women, but youre defenitely a control freak! And, as far as Im concerned, thats ok, particularly if its done in a respectful, responsible, BDSM manner. What can I say? Im a masochist, lol.

  2. Stop saying I'm controlling, Lola!

  3. Tracer Bullet11/21/2007

    Eh. Fuck 'em if they can't a joke.

  4. Tracer Bullet11/21/2007

    Take a joke, take a joke. Goddamn it to hell, when will I learn to use that preview feature?

  5. Well, it's your blog and you have a right to spew and vent and brag. Though I much prefer when you write about more interesting topics.

    The problem I have is men thinking that women think like them. The big O is NOT everything. Yes, it's fun. A hell of a lot of fun... but it's not everything. And for a bunch of women, or maybe just me, what brings on the big O is NOT technique or some 8-inch boner. It's feeling that the person you're with is totally into YOU as a person... not YOU as a conquest. And even if I did have an orgasm that was based strictly on the physical, NOTHING would be a bigger turn-off to me than some man strutting around like he just did something special. It'll make me think long and hard about whether I'm ever going to let him anywhere near me ever again. For the record, men I've dealt with who brag, don't get to brag for long.

    Y'all laughed at "that" scene from "When Harry Met Sally".. But instead of laughing you should have been paying attention.

    And maybe it was a joke, that post? But it wasn't funny for the simple fact that it reminded me that men are just out for some ass. So I'm gonna keep my ass to myself.

    FWIW, I'm genuinely sorry about the mommy issues, if indeed that's part of it. But you know what? EVERYBODY's got issues, so I don't think that's an excuse.

  6. hmmm...i remember thinking that orgasm post was a tad bit odd but i never got "women hater" from it. interesting.

  7. Rebuttal to Bear Maiden.

    Please don't speak for me. Orgasm may not be everything but it's my FAVORITE thing and, frankly, I DON'T want any fucking gentle woodland creature tender love making trust blanky rubbing on my clit as a means of generating some special connection.

    And I'll be goddamned if those delicate, humorous souls aren't the norm here in my corner of the world.

    TAN, your orgasm post was funny. And a great glimpse into your mind. Showing up the humorless twat commenters (not you Maiden, you weren't twat-y, I just didn't want anyone to think you were speaking for all women) with a way not so funny defending statement is an unfortunate result of an otherwise funny fucking slice of the TAN encyclopedia.

  8. I read that post the other day and actually found it entertaining. I've never understood why women brag about faking orgasms....those that do are cheating themselves.

  9. you've got serious issues mate. lol.

  10. If I want to go out for a drink with TAN, does that mean I have issues also? I'm confused.

  11. When a man can get a girl to cum, he dominates her. He owns her for that moment. In our world of changing masculine/feminine relationships I think it makes sense that men would be invested in the female orgasm. Personally, I am thrilled that a bit of a brothah's masculinity is supported my orgasm. If you want to get up and do a dance around the bed, that is all good as long as you don't mind that I begin to dance after giving you the most incredible blow job of your life. It's only fair.

  12. where do i sign up?

    for real tho, that ish it hot.

    -a feminist, not speaking for all womanhood

  13. Some days I don't write because you simply do it better.
    Writing, that is.


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