So a few days ago I was out with a black girl and as is wont to happen when black guys hang out with black girls the conversation turned to the subject of interracial relations, and specifically about my (and my TAN-kind) presumed hearting of white girls.I was taken aback because my presumed pedestalizing of caucasian women was under attack before I even had the chance to raise my usual defenses, like my Quest for Claire Huxtable post, and ummm ... that's it. Sans any legit evidence, I was already labeled: Guilty. Granted the "White Girls #1" gold chain around my neck (I made the switch from African medallions in the late 90s) serves as a little bit of a cue, but I still think in these murky racial waters benefit of the doubt should at least be offered like a life preserver, before you deflate it with your socio-political darts.
CONTINUED IN NEGROPEDIA
UPDATE: when I posed this "MBC Reconditioning Program" as a response to her gripe with black guys and MWCs I was told there's no such thing as a mediocre black chick. Truuue. So, oh well, back to she-males for me.
An interesting experiment, however the sheer volume of top notch black women on the east coasts means you will have to go to Middle America. Godspeed and may the wind always be at your back!
ReplyDeletegood update, TAN
ReplyDeleteThe midwest and the south get no love. Memo to TAN and the rest of y'all: NYC is NOT the center of the universe. And is in fact a very very very small place, representative of nothing but itself.
ReplyDelete- Beautiful Southern Black Chick
it's not my fault the south is 5-10 years behind [in some places]. NYC is certainly not representative of Jena, correct!
ReplyDeletealso, my inner-stevie almost didn't allow me to post this until i got into some bell hooks musings on postmodern negritude. so, y'know, go intellectual rationalization! woot-woot ...
C U in Milwaukee, then? Y'aaah...
ReplyDelete-Miss Marie
TAN: I think you're right. You're prep-school-infused self-awareness trumps whatever might be going on racewise here. As a public schooled and ugly-assed man, I think what we really need is more thoroughbreds dating commoners, whatever the races involved.
ReplyDeleteYou want to feel good dating mediocre? Take a flight to Ethiopia. A 5 there is about a 9.3 anywhere else, which I think is why Mussolini occupied it.
Even before I read the update, I was going to warn you that, according to Essence and other rags aimed at insecure black women, for a man to even suggest that every black woman isn't physically beautiful is a manifestation of racist brainwashing. This is only the public line, though. In private, black women are masters of tearing down their unattractive sisters (Does "She think she cute" sound familiar)?
ReplyDeletePeople need to grow up about all of this interracial dating stuff. Some black women treat the idea of dating white men as if it's a threat to black men ("I mean it, I'll date one!").
The "mediocre" argument is lame. The women who make it either wildly overestimate themeselves or accept that they're mediocre and hope to secure the privileges afforded to mediocre white women.
I for one would like to see what these mediocre girls look like. How folks define "mediocre" might be more interesting than what is clearly "hot". MediocreorNot dot come anyone?
ReplyDeleteExcuse me, dot com. Woops. Me and Freud are cool like that.
ReplyDeleteTalk about a controversial post, I love it. Honestly, I hear black women say the same thing: there's some type of higher noble principle involved when THEY date interracial, but when a black guy does it it's because he's selling out.
ReplyDeleteGive me a break.
I'm a biracial black women who used to ONLY date white men...and if they weren't the model types...they weren't my type...I still prefer my racially ambiguous men.
ReplyDeleteBeauty is in the eye of the beholder, but who wants to be-holding a badger..whether it's a black badger or white badger..do you.
A male friend, who is homosexual, maintains that any man who will sleep with a white woman will sleep with a man. This is really what he believes!!!
ReplyDeleteHe sees that men who like white women are open to experimentation. Therefore, he will look for men who date out to see if he can bring him over to the dark side(his side)--and he has been successful. So i think that you may be preventing yourself from being targeted and turned out by a gay dude by dating black women. You should really look your MBC program as a good thing. Black women=heterosexuality. ( well at least for some :) )
hahahaha, wow, fckin saved!
ReplyDeleteTAN you are an ass...
ReplyDeleteBrilliant post. Keep doing your thing, man.
ReplyDeleteLike always your TAN's commentary is funny and insightful. But this one was...well, kind of pathetic. But keep up the blogging in the new year.
ReplyDeleteI feel you. This is one of the most funniest thing I have read in a long time. The comments were the cherry on top.
ReplyDeleteClearly, this is pure sarcasm. Black women are not charity cases, and have no reason to work so hard for the affections of a black man, as most are mediocre. I've always said that black men and white women deserve each other because they are equally narcissistic, and exist at about the same moderate level of intelligence, and substance.
ReplyDeleteClearly, this is pure sarcasm. Black women are not charity cases, and have no reason to work so hard for the affections of a black man, as most are mediocre. I've always said that black men and white women deserve each other because they are equally narcissistic, and exist at about the same moderate level of intelligence, and substance.
ReplyDeleteROTFLMFAO!!!! Even if I clearly do not qualify to respond to this blog, being a 46 brunette white chick (not even blond and OLD), I'm still dying. Thanks for the laughs and I'll be back for an update on the quest!
ReplyDeleteI don't really buy into any of this, but I do wonder about Tiger Woods marrying a nanny.
ReplyDeleteActually I find it sort of funny, "cartoonish" even.
the white women of the world shed a tear...
ReplyDeleteTAN, I still don't understand this quandary? What is the issue? Why is it a problem for you to be attracted to white women?
ReplyDeleteWhat if you only liked red heads or women under 5"5, would that be a problem? We are rolling into 2008. I hope you can sincerely move beyond this because now it has just gotten tired.
Anon: Well I think TAN is alluding to an issue of context and conditioning. If young TAN had no preference, then went to school and came out preferring towards girls 5'5 and under, that's a little weird. Especially if it were to the point that he passed on tall girls to date "mediocre" short girls. AND if you add on that he's tall himself, and is being called out by a pretty tall girl who often sees tall guys going out with short girls.
ReplyDeleteUgh. Now I'm confused. But I don't think 2008 has anything to do with it. Is this the year we're no longer allowed to question who we are and why we do things? Is this the year we go color-blind? What if TAN were attracted to jelly donuts? Or boogers? Would it still be "tired?"
You know what TAN's problem is? He puts the boogers on a pedestal.
@Carribiamphibbi: Clearly you are bitter and prejudiced, but I won't generalize and attribute those traits to all or most black women. To do so might indicate a lack of intelligence and substance.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little late on the commentary, and new to checkin' out this blog, but TAN, it looks like you question your preferences. If you question your preference, maybe you need to figure that out.
ReplyDeleteMy personal opinion, though you didn't ask, is who cares? Everyone has preferences. If someone has a preference based on racism, programming, or just plain ol' nastiness, who cares? It has zero to do with the next person. If you don't like what other people do, keep it movin'. I don't like R. Kelly's preference for peeing on teenagers, so I keep it movin'.
BTW, you should really resolve the conflict around your preference.
What a post!
ReplyDeleteI'm a black girl that grew up going to predominantly white education institutes & living in white hoods...I often wonder if that's the reason that I'll notice the white boy in the room first. I've dated both races & I expect anyone I date to be exceptional. Mediocrity kills. The question is how can you tell when you're being exoticised?
I feel that in 2008, well really even in 1968 for that matter, we should have evolved beyond racism. People prefer whatever it is that he prefers as long as it isn't hurting anyone. I personally don't find black men physically attractive and would never date one. That doesn't make me racist, it just means I don't prefer them physically. Therefore what difference does it truly make if he is attracted to white women. It's a preference and he shouldn't come down on himself for it nor should others scrutinize him for it.
ReplyDeleteim usually right there with you but this particular post made me cringe for so many reasons. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteI am with Nikyatu.
ReplyDeleteI would add that you sound "gay" (no particular malice meant to actual gays) in this sense only, you have absolute contempt for the womb that spawned you and if that womb could see or understand the extent of your contempt, she would retroactively pull the plug on your existence, but you also have contempt for her (supposed) inability to see and hear what wretched, unloved life you are proposing to her once you are out of the womb. So you basically wish you could exist without the consent and sponsorship of the womb needed for incubating a person like yourself.
TAN ,How do u define mediocre? Black women have no control over the way we were born. I do not consider myself in any way mediocre. In the words of Liz Phair: I am extraordinary if you ever get to know me!
ReplyDeleteThat is soooo crazy. I wrote something similar about that, but I kind of went in a different direction with it. www.philosophergurl.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteI can't believe that you would degrade the sistas like that. If you like white women, that's your decision. But don't denigrate black women because you haven't worked through your own identity issues. I understand where you're coming from, I grew up in a similar environment, and it becomes difficult to find other black people who share the same values and can identify with your experience when you grow up like that. The key to sucessfully reintegrating with other people of color with whom you can relate to is to pursue your own interests, some of which I'm sure are particularly fascinating, at least to you they are. It is much easier to find a date-worthy specimen with whom looks don't have to be as important when you share something in common, rather than to settle on someone who is never going to measure up to your misguided standards of what true beauty is. Perhaps you should be re-evaluating your priorities when it comes to your relationships because it's obvious that you have some identification issues that stem from your alienation from the educated black community.
Alright, so here's what I'm wondering. The man is clearly parodying something he discerns in his own experience, something with which he's uncomfortable. He's outing internalized racism, and trying to negotiate his experience of interracial dating as overdetermined; that is, there's so much history loaded into skin color that, like other key nodes of identity, it never is just what it is. And he's sharing the painful experience of being in touch with those parts of himself that--not his fault--are set up as harmful by the culture he lives in. That's real. Right? So, my questions for the those who feel the urge to commentate with hate are, "What are you getting out of putting this man's words back into exactly the box they're trying to climb out of? Why do you need him to be simply 'degrading the sistas,' and to chastise him for that? Isn't TAN trying to negotiate specifically this impulse, to get beyond both the impulse and the simplistic (racism-fostered) thinking that drives it? And aren't you more than intelligent enough to see that (I'm sincerely assuming you are)? So, what's blocking you from seeing that? What's your own resistance to allowing TAN to re-negotiate the black-and-white lines that have been set up for identity, esp. with respect to interracial dating?" For real, now.
ReplyDeleteHoly intellectualizing batman..
ReplyDeleteI found this post to be simultaneously sad and hilarious.
Ira (commenter before me) .. you have a point though, it's clear that TAN is working through the dusty and ignored parts of his identity with this post.
I'm a black chick who has become much more keen on inter-cultural/racial dating in the past few years (specifically with non-Americans or 2nd gen immigrants), simply because the racial baggage many american black folks bring to the dating table is oppressive to the psyche. This blog entry reminds me of that.. But oh, I can't front like my intense lust for men who something like James Marsden has nothing to do with my changing dating preferences..
Pursuing love should be fun, well more realistically sunshine and perhaps rain - but hopefully from a pure place. When you throw the american black experience in there you inevitably end up with sprinkles of bitterness and tales of alienation because people in high school said you suck because you're too light/dark and i'm lonely in blackpeopleland because I talk "white" and listen to radiohead, black men/women always play hackey-sack with my heart, etc. etc.
I'm so tired of this stuff... I need an opt-out somehow.
signed,
an aspiring sell-out in a mediocre black chick's body
I see the same thing over and over again. If black women stopped seeing approval, then they would stop getting so many put downs and such. Let's stop dating and put our focus on building our black female community in all ways. Leave these men alone, please.
ReplyDelete