Post-Racial Is Not PostModern

Well this is apropos of nothing, but -- well it might be a little apropos of white journalists everywhere raising their hand saying they got a little something on "postracial america".

So yeah, it's been great reading about post-racial this and that, I don't have to wear Karl Kani anymore etc. etc. But while it's cool that some brothers and sisters are using the premise to get themselves a byline and all, the proliferation of the term within a mostly white media establishment feels a little weird.

I suspect it's because we treat "post-racial" like it's "postmodern". So instead of "modernity/modernism" we're past/post "race". Both of them being these social/intellectual constructs we created.

But here's the problem: "We" didn't create nothing. This is all some white ish.

Look: "race as a social construct" is a brain-nugget that came from a white person. Period. Ain't no old slave-timey Wendy Williams start that little rumor. A black person is black, and if you get him to say he's a construct it's because you also got him to pay some $200K to "learn theyself sumthin'."

When I got one of my first Assimilated Badges by getting pubbed on McSweeneys, I was so excited to get my Eggers Stripes that I threw on my Timz and white t-shirt and found a gypsy cab to take me straight to Harlem (turns out I lived there, but I still took the cab). Then I got out and told all my ghetto hood crack-slingin' black friends about my achievement:

The Assimilated Negro (TAN): Look! McSweeney's ran my 'Objective Perspective on Black History" bit. Dude, isn't that awesome.

Just Another Negro (JAN): Mc-who? And don't be callin' me dude, n.

TAN: McSweeeeneys. Dave Eggers? Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. Duh.

JAN: *slings some crack*

TAN: whatever. you don't know because you're too busy listening to the rap music and stealing iphones, but this means a lot to the people who run this country.

JAN: Con Edison and Child Support run my family, fam.

TAN: hmph. look, i posted this on my blog so i'm gonna go check my email in the Starbucks real quick. I'll brb.

JAN: *slings some crack*

TAN: ok. back. I can't believe you guys aren't giving me any love on the McSweeneys move.

JAN: look TAN, we up on McSweeneys. Alright? But honestly we just don't give a f about some website doing ish like, "Interview With A White Pot Who Calls Kettles 'Whatever The Hell He Feels Like Calling Them'". Or whatever other nonsense they do.

JAN2: Ha. Yeah, McSweeneys be like "early bird gets the worm" and I be like "early bird gets the white worm cause them the only mofos who show up early" hahahaha. Send that to McSweeneys, n.

TAN: McSweeneys don't be like anything... although they might actually go for something like that.

JAN: Yeah we know, but it's not our bag. Congrats though, TAN. Keep doing your thing, god. We'll do ours.

TAN: ok. so can I take off these timz and put back on my flip-flops?

JAN: yeah, son.

TAN: can i also put on some Feist

JAN2: yeah, i actually like Feist also.

JAN3: yo, I would f the ish out of Feist. She could get it.

TAN: true. ok. I'm gonna go now.

annnd ... scene

Look, I like the cauc postmodern humor. I love it even. I think its very funny. Stuff like Demetri Martin. Soooo cuuute. And it's real nice to have in the DVR list when you bring your hipster chick back to the crib and want things to get a little, um, postracial.

But I also know that if I didn't go to a private prep school and a New England liberal arts college I would have no appreciation for it. It's a sensibility I grew into. Black people (and other minos) have to go to school and learn (earn?) a ticket aboard the train of indulgent-thoughts. We have to cultivate that air of entitlement. We are not born with the same sense of Seinfeldian smug.

The humor of the idle mind is an acquired taste, and it's acquired through -- wait for it -- being idle. Going to college and not having real concerns about $ and food and getting in trouble for doing drugs. It's nice, every person deserves some time to themselves to think about, say, what their toenail might say to a real nail. Bound to be hilarious if you marinate with it long enough.

But these postracial/postmodern articles are so self-serious. And here's the thing: if you're at a cocktail party and someone starts getting serious about "postmodernism", you know they're full of ish. White people may indulge, Black people may indulge, but everyone knows they're just showing off their edumacation.

A word like 'postmodern" is the equivalent of liberal-arts bling. Deconstructionism, b*tches! You flash it, but you don't really need to. You never need to. You can either philosophize like a human, very simply: love. sex. hate. men. women. race. intelligence. peace. war. education. science. technology. Whatever you want. But there's no sentence in the world that contains the word "postmodern" that couldn't be rephrased more simply.

Take it from someone who will drop the term at first brush of a blonde-girl's hair against the behind of the horse on my polo shirt.

But i went to school and spent was given a lot of money so i could make my bullish sound hot and use big words to coax upwardly mobile women into sleeping with me. Poaching smart chicks is one of my sole luxury vices, and I own it.

Anyramble, this is all to say that a lot of these articles are conflating postracial and postmodernism and it cheapens the impact of identifying this moment in time as some sort of new era. There is something amiss, but postracial as defined by postmodernists is the same quaker oatmeal y'all been spooning to us for sometime now. And I'm not eating it, dammit!

If you want to call it something I say call it "Post Abiding-by-alot-of-white-bullish". Cause that's what postmodernism is, white bullish. And that's what most these articles are talking about when they use the term postracial.

And I also have to point out that of course postracial isn't really about Obama, but all about 2050. That's when we'll get to dictate the smartypants jargon up in this piece.

Postmodernists, prepare yourselves.

holla.

coulter
postmodern

Who Will Be The Tiger Woods of Shin Kicking?

The sport of shin-kicking is decidedly Caucasian, evidence by the video below which is -- thankfully! -- lacking in melanin. I wonder if it's because black communities don't have access to amenities like shin-guards (straw?) and, um, shin-kicking fields, or if it's just because WE'RE NOT FRIGGIN' RETARDED.

Pour A Little Something: Bernie Mac

Pour a little something for Bernie Mac who has passed away at the too-soon age of 50 years old.

I think Bernie's a little underrated for being someone who brought some of that real, raw "Black" sensibility and translated it for mainstream accessibility. If we say calling someone a "sell out" is a sentiment that carries less and less weight in the 2008, Bernie Mac is part of the reason. He was among the TAN vanguard that showed how to "keep it real" and still get that mainstream America paper— to the tune of a twice Emmy-nominated network television family sitcom.

Last year he announced his retirement to "enjoy life a little bit". After a year of R&R maybe his mission here was done.

‘I’m funny. I’m a comedian. I’m not a clown,’
- Bernie Mac

Obit [NYTimes]

Race Bait: Beyonce Haters Blinded By The Light

So the latest race-bait garnering some media buzz is the purported Whitewashing of Beyonce Knowles. Various blogs and others are taking L'Oréal to task. Gawker after reviewing the arguments decided to put some compare-and-contrast pictures up. And, y'know, she definitely looks lighter. Maybe even whiter.

Jezebel is doing a good job of pursuing the whole skin-lightening-as-gross-epidemic angle, with lots of informative and scary links on bleaching of the skin and there being a market for these products. But I think focusing on the skin-caucasianizing of Miss Knowles is sort of missing the point.

Many people in the comments and elsewhere have referenced Michael Jackson in relation to this "scandal." I think one question with regards to MJ serves as a great reminder of why the bleached skin is not the issue: Does anyone think Michael Jackson is attractive?

No one of sound mind and body sees obviously bleached skin as "hot". Maybe there are a small percentage of folks who are f'd up in the head enough to think slathering your face/body with dangerous chemicals is worth it to get just a little more pale gray, but I think it's a stretch to make this any sort of society-wide problem. This doesn't mean we're not still contending with issues stemming from centuries of reinforcing the White Beauty Standard, it just means that we've evolved past "make-it-white, make-it-right" thinking en masse. Like sticking a banana in a black guy's hand and saying that makes him a gorilla, it's a little too simpleminded to actually reinforce the white-superior/black-inferior complex in 2008. These are not ideas that will gain traction en masse no matter how many shades Beyonce lightens up, or chimp noises LeBron makes.

Point being: if you're going to get hrrumphy about the Whitewashing of Beyonce as it pertains to reinforcing improper beauty standards, well that slave ship sailed long time ago. I'd actually contend that the hair is the real issue here. Straight, sleek, satin-smooth, that ain't no black person's hair! And no one's batting an eye at the actual point of the product being to get the kinky blackness out of your hair, soooooo ....

But do we really think L'Oréal would have the brainstorm that Beyonce would be more attractive if she were white? Photoshop mistakes happen, in this case it's the equivalent of airbrushing out a bellybutton or whathaveyou; a definite testament to the artificial beauty complex, but not with any racist intent.

And if you want to combat the White Beauty Standard, let's get Beyonce in an ad campaign rocking an afro. Maybe a little Náps by L'Oréal?

Everybody Staring At Beyonce's Skin [Gawker]
Photoshop of Horrors [Jezebel]

This Thing On Bodegas Is Like That Thing On Bodegas

So saw this thing on the Gawk:

Did you know that your corner store (aka bodega) probably sells a lot more than ho hos and beer? Perhaps even fresh produce.

Hmm, sounds similar in spirit to my thing written for Gawker:

On the surface you might think the Corner Bodega (Co-Bo) is just another wiki-able oasis of convenience. A sort of de facto ghetto 7-11. But, like the big rock in the forest, a look underneath reveals a self-sufficient ecosystem of subterranean life. Home of the 2 for $1 special, the Corner Bodega is the ghetto chamber of food and commerce for marginalized gentri-folk and ne'er-do-wells alike. Typically open through the wee hours, and stocked with all the bare essentials — food, alcohol, horny-goat weed — Corner Bodegas are not only a full service resource, but a genuine lifesaver.

Of course mine was a column/feature-y type thing, and theirs is an actual business model. Or something? But I happily refer them to other sections of the Ghetto Pass series so they can arrange parties at Ghetto Chinese Spots, or with Ghetto Pick-up Artists, and not just single out the Bodegas.

Also: their choice of dropping the word "Ghetto" in favor of "Neighbors" and phrasing like, "people living in cities who want to connect with their diverse neighbors to improve the neighborhood for everyone." Brilliant!

I'm not being overly tongue-in-cheek here. It is a cool idea. And some crew of gentrifying multicultis had to do it. I just want to make sure they keep their "papis" and "habibis" straight and not forget the Chicken Spot and other Urban-Neighborhood Landmarks. Holla if you need help.

Please Buy This Gentrification Kit [Gawker]
Bodega Party In A Box [Neighbors Project]
Ghetto Pass: Corner Bodegas [Gawker]

Songs You Should Know: The B*tch In Yoo

Many folks now know the artist Common pictured on the right. And if you were one of those enlightened enough to go to a liberal arts college, and have black friends, you may have heard of him before his most recent album Finding Forever afforded him long-deserving Grammy accolades. Some early adopters might have known him even before he started doing commercials for The Gap.

But do you know this Common?

"A b*tch ni**a wit an attitude named Cube, stepped to the Com with a feud..."

The Common we know is pro-black, pro-women, pro-god, pro-life, pro love; a black man calling a "ni**a" a "b*tch" is a vortex of hateful epithets that would surely sear his khaki-melanin skin, right? That can't be the Common that freestyles in church:

Your lease is up, at the crib house ni**az get evicted
In videos them white boys talking you get Wicked

Common is calling out someone for being a "house ni**a"? Aww yeah, hypocrisy is all that and a bag of chips conflict diamonds. Come to think of it, how hot would it be to see George Bush start calling out former presidents for being retarded. Or generally start picking on the intelligence level of others. That would be like the UPS uniform calling the piece-of-doodoo brown, or however that saying goes. And it would be awesome.

Hyprocrite, I'm filling out your Death Certificate
Slanging bean pies and St. Ide's in the same sentence...

Yes, more calling out. But now is probably a good time for some context/backstory:

This is Common, over ten years ago, calling out Ice Cube (perhaps the grand patriarch of "hip hop selling out", but we'll explore that another time). Common's song I Used to Love H.E.R. (that's the Common we all know) was quoted and used by Westside Connection (Cube's post-NWA crew) in a diss record aimed at Mr. Sense. Of course these were the days that ish like that mattered, and so Common came firing back with one of the fiercest battle songs ever: The Bitch In Yoo

So this is a song you should peep because you might not know this Common:

I heard a ho say you her favorite rapper
(So what) so I had to slap her


Holla! Now that's the Common we know: slappin' h*es when they say stupid stuff. I like the Gap ad, but this makes me think a parody would be even better. Have Common rapping his jingle while slappin' white folks in a Gap t-shirt and cargo shorts. You can even tweak some of the lines from the commercial:


(to' when I flow, feel the power that rap has
white people give me love when I slap 'em in Gap ads)

Actually get Kanye in there also, and that might be straight gold.

Of course, the spoof works off the contrast with the Common we identify with. Conscious, positive, not-judging-you Common.

That Common we know didn't first appear in the Gap ad. That Common we know first appeared with the album One Day it Will All Make Sense. The first album after Common became a father. Also the first album after writing the Ice Cube diss track.

Since then, this has been the Common we know:

This ain't no East coast, West coast, none of the above
I'm from Chi, I went to Cali, ni**az gave me love

Common does go from coast to coast and get love from all people. Presumably receiving positive vibes because he puts positive vibes out there. But this is a song to know because even then -- when he was edgier, meaner, realer or whatever -- he got love coast-to-coast. Just out of respect for his skills. This song is lyrically ridiculous: full of wordplay, coded references, puns and everything else that often goes underappreciated in non-mainstream rap songs. As he challenges Cube towards the end, "ain't got no choice but to fight, none of y'all motherf'ers got a chance on the mic". This was never really a battle because they weren't gonna get with Common on that emcee level. So even as Rashid gets his own Ice Cube on via movies and mainstream media, the thing that will give him cred, perhaps eternally so, is a song like Bitch In Yoo.

Common could be Liz Phair, and this song/era is his Exile In Guyville.

Anytime you come out yo, I'm a talk about you
Until you let that bitch in you, walk up out you
Any last words before I hit the switch?
From the immortal words of one: a bitch is a bitch

No one that matters really cares about "Uncle Toms" or "sellouts" etc anymore because we're all trying to make $ and now that everyone has the tools we can all "tap dance for the man" in our own way. It seems with that pretense out of the way, especially in hip hop, we can better appreciate an artist's evolution. From "F*ck The Police" to "Barbershop 2"; "I Used To Love HER" to "Driving Me Crazy" the aesthetics may change to fit your mood, or the times, or an agenda but the heart and soul stays the same. I think. Maybe.

AnyCom, "The B*tch in Yoo" makes me think of some this stuff and pass it on as a song to know. Here's the popular version in a youtube video:

"we're gonna give it to the world, peace, love, and Gap"



(that's the popular version, the original "demo" that only the cool kids know about is posted below. )


MP3 File

Nas on Colbert Is Stillmatic

So Nas held it down on The Colbert Report last night. Over the course of his career I've been disappointed with Nasir, both his performances and interviews are often incoherent and a general mish-mosh of ideas, quotes, whathaveyou. And it allows bits like this NY Mag piece to completely miss the point in terms of the genuine value he brings to the mass-consumable pop culture table.

More on that broad criticism later, but in the clips below Nas is up to the task of having the #1 album on Billboard, leading protest against racism on Fox News Network, and most arduously, appearing on The Colbert Report. Its amazing what can happen when you decide to skip the blunt for an afternoon:



Here's his performance of the perfectly relevant song, "Sly Fox," (and no dropped lyrics!)



Here's the actual video of Sly Fox which is worth peeping:



(clips via: nah right, hiphopmusic)

Dear TAN: Martin Lawrence & The Circle of Def Comedy

I once started a neverending interview, but now we're switching to a "Dear TAN" feature. Send your questions/letters to theassimilatednegro [at] gmail [dot] com.

In this edition: Martin Lawrence has a new comedy show!

Dear TAN3,

Yo, I got some sort of pub pre-release note on Martin Lawrence's new show. Not sure if I'm gonna be able to peep it and write something before the show airs (July 9th), but since you're the Prime Minister of Everthing Related To Martin I thought I'd pass it along and see if you had any thoughts. holla back.

-TAN

~

Dear TAN,

Good looks with the link. I checked it out and a couple of clips. My thoughts:

Ever since the debut of the ORIGINAL Def Comedy Jam (hosted by our boy Martin...pre-Gina), everyone has been trying to emulate the success of that program. This had spawned the horrendous P. Diddy's Bad Boyz of Comedy and the lackluster reincarnated Def Comedy Jam - hosted by DL Hughley.

This difference in these shows and the original classic Def Comedy Jam is that the original show featured talent that was already developed. It just provided a venue to bring them all together and showcased their talent. Off the top of my head, I remember seeing Martin, Chris Tucker, Chris Rock, Steve Harvey, Cedric the Entertainer, Dave Chappelle, Bernie Mac - and that's just who came to mind!

Key points - 1) These guys were already good and somewhat known 2) With that kind of talent - you HAVE to bring your A game - or else you'll be exposed. The attempted recreations of that show are all missing that key element. While it's great to give new guys a chance - the fact of the matter is that all the talent have been nobodies - and they just aren't funny. You have to have at least one anchor to hold things down - and get TAN3 to tune in!

As for Martin Lawrence's show - it appears that he is purely behind the scenes - understandable. The clips show that he is at least showcasing some talent that we already know - Ricky Smiley, DC Curry, Guy Torry - which is a good start. I don't know who the host is - but he can't be worse than the new Def Jam host - DL Hughley (I've never been a fan).

I didn't have the patience to sit through the full show - so I only watched the clips. Decent. Again - I think it's good that he seems to be starting with better talent, so this show at least has a chance to be good. It's somewhat disappointing that he only makes an appearance in the audience and never on stage though...Yeah, I know it's just like Kobe not wanting to do the dunk contest anymore - but give the people what they want!! Word!

~

Word up.

I'm actually feeling a little harsher in terms of him not participating. Even if the show is great, since his name is on the marquee I think it's dropping the ball for him not to participate. We know DCJ, and so they're following the formula that worked, but with the examples you point out obviously it's not a no-brainer equation that couldn't use some sprucing up and creative thinking in terms of approach. And with us assimilated negroes in particular, I think this formula-following laziness kills us. Some of it is just american capitalism; i.e. everyone's copycatting, and it's just the cycle of life for artists, performers etc to work hard on breaking through, then wash-and-repeat until they get old and fall off. Whichever comes first. But for our modern-day negro icons, these dudes had to be so different and special to get their platform that it feels ridiculous when they so easily fall back on the okey-doke whatever-whatever just-put-my-name-on-the-thing-and-get-my-checks flowing.

Easier said than done -- I've even fallen victim on my small blog-level ish -- but legends like Martin are supposed to show a better example for us young bucks coming up in the system. Plus he was so abundant with the characters and creativity when he broke in. Shoot, he could have Otis host the show or something.

That said, he was another one who fell victim to White-People-Drive-You-Crazy disease, like Chappelle. It's kind of ridiculous how much that happens, especially with the comedians. Maybe because they're speaking the truth? Hmmmm ... I guess that's fodder for another post.

Anymartin, as for the clips, as you say they have some established talent, so they might be closer to the winning formula than some of the recent also-ran efforts that have come out recently. This clip below is pretty damn funny UPDATE: some rigamarole happened with the original clip, so I'm inserting an alternate, but unfortunately it doesn't have the jokes I found so funny.



oh, and PS: the host, Doug Williams, has been featured on TAN before. I guess he's come along since the Jamie Foxx fiasco.

The "A" In Art Stands For Adaptable

Google For President In 2016?

So as far as I can tell, Google continues to dominate and pave the way to the future, at least on the internet (and all things considered, the internet may very well be our world once we consume most of the earth). The NY Times relays that the Big-Brother-Internet has struck a deal with Seth MacFarlane, creator of Family Guy. As a content producer it's a very interesting deal as Google thus far is known for organizing content, and getting contextual ads on content pages. Now if they get into producing content, that feels like some sort of Holy Trinity. Praise Google!

Apparently Seth is creating 50 two-minute episodes of cartoons that are likened to "animated versions of the one-frame cartoons you might see in The New Yorker, only edgier," and Google is going to charge premium rates to companies that want to get those ads. There are plenty of ways this can not work, especially with a foul-mouthed twisted mind like Seth as the brain behind the toons; not quite sure if he's normal and tame enough for mainstream. But more important is the thinking behind it, because even if they strike out, there's enough $ and common sense in the concept that they will definitely try try again. And as I jump around from my google mail account, to my google blogger account, to my shared google docs, and check out blogs in my google reader, and makep lans via the google calendar, and upload pics to picasa, I kind of feel like if Google starts producing decent content in the next 5+ years -- even if it's all directly tied to advertising agendas -- I will have no reason not to vote for them as President in 2016. They're already Emperors of the Web; leader of the free world might be a step down at that point.

Google and Creator of "Family Guy" Strike A Deal [NYT]

Glastonbury Gets Assimilated

So apparently the Glastonbury Festival was the scene for some contemporary cross-cultural hotness yesterday. As an appetizer we have Amy Winehouse punching fools on the set of her first show in 7 months. Can't blame her, I'd be pissed as well if everyone was saying I had emphysema from going "back to black", so to speak, from the crack and the menthols, but really it was just pops hating. That's even before getting into heads lining up to win a free ipod by predicting when you're gonna die. So yeah, she let someone have it after Rehab. This was followed up by Jay-Z executing the assimilated coup de maître: apparently Noel Gallagher of Oasis -- a group that hasn't been popular with black people since, I don't know ... nineteen ninety-never? -- was hating on Hov headlining the festival. So what does President Carter do? Opens his set by strolling out with a guitar singing Wonderwall, followed by 99 Problems. Holla!

Peep the opening below (and the rest of the 38 minute set, if so inclined):




Now he's just gotta work on getting Cat Power to do it with him, and we'll really be cooking.

(vid via: WSHH)

White Capsule: Dude Love Letters

So I read this recent Crap Email From A Dude on jezebel, and then I read some more, and I wonder about them. Aside from being impressive windows into the bowels -- to borrow a word from one of these love letters -- of the male soul, and cringe-worth moments of insanity, I'm thinking these letters also cut right to the heart of ethnic-as-cultural differences. I mean read this one, here's some excerpts:

What I was trying to convey — obviously very inartfully — was the depth of my hurt at your decision to marry Jonathan [ed: this marriage was apparently 5 years ago]. I have tried almost every way I know besides doing sign language while standing on my head yodeling the national anthem to explain to you why the entire situation is so painful for me and why I take it so personally. It seems manifestly obvious and glaringly self-evident to me why being rejected for another man is hurtful and why it would cause tension in our relationship. But there still seems to be some confusion here, so in the interest of disambiguation I will do my best to explain further.

Let me stipulate first, just for the record, what you have already alluded to: My ignorance of the details of your relationship with Jonathan is pretty much comprehensive. As you suggest, this is by design. For reasons that I think should be (but apparently aren't) obvious, your marriage is a source of constant hurt for me. And because my personal predilections do not tend toward the masochistic, I prefer to spend as little time thinking about it as possible. I would rather not dwell on the particulars of a relationship that feels to me like a personal affront, a slap in the face and a complete negation and mockery of my feelings. So yes, I will readily plead guilty to ignorance.

I know that despite that tough veneer, you are an exceedingly sensitive soul. Surely somewhere in your heart of hearts, my profession of love means *something* to you or touches you in some way. But that apparently didn't register at all when you made your decision. Seems to me like a pretty big thing not to take into account when considering something so major and life-altering.

Yeah. So, um ... white guy right? I wonder if that's false/faulty logic and we're being racist, or if with matters of the heart you truly bleed and show a little more of your DNA. We know there's some Myspace Missives that are definitely a "black guy". Or at least, black-guy-as-white-girl.

Anylove, this is going in the White Capsule. It has a certain cultural code methinks worth saving...


Crap Email: White Man Overboard [Jezebel]

Grandpa TAN: The Headache

we now present Grandpa TAN starring in a dramatic rendition of "I Have A Headache."

[action]

TAN: my head hurts. i don't know if i can play cards with you. you have any aspirin?

Grandpa TAN (GPT): huh?

TAN: my head hurts, do you have any aspirin? tylenol?

GPT: your head hurts?

TAN: yes, you have any aspirin??

GPT: you want aspirin?

TAN: yeah, do you have some?

GPT: no .... but go get that bottle over there.

TAN: what bottle?

GPT: that one over there, with the dropper

TAN: what??? oh, i don't need anything grandpa

GPT: go get that thing boy, you said your head hurt, right?

TAN: yeah ?

GPT: go get the dropper ?

TAN: this?

GPT: no.... on the thing there

TAN: here?

GPT: yeah...

TAN opens bottle and smells it, crinkles nose and feels resolute that he won't be taking anything with a dropper on the top of it

GPT: come here

TAN: what is that?

GPT: boy, do your head hurt or what?

TAN: i don't think i want any liquid ... anything.. out of a dropper, i don't think that's going to help. i just wanted an apsirin or tylenol or something

GPT: look [smells bottle], you just have to put a drop on your tongue like this? [does it]

TAN: [cringes, but ... ] a drop?

GPT: yeah, look ....

TAN: and that's gonna fix my headache??

GPT grabs TAN's hands pours a generous amount of the clear liquid over his hands. TAN screams, startled by the aggressive gfather attack.

GPT: [tone: pensive from the realization of how ungrandfatherly it is to sneak-medicate your grand-son]: you should rub it in there

TAN: i thought it was a drop on my tongue, what is this? my hands burn...

GPT: its alcohol. jsut spiced rum .... you breathe it in

TAN: huh?

GPT: like this...

TAN: ok ...

...

TAN: Hmmm, I guess my head does feel a little bit better.

[I'm sorry i made you have to sneak-medicate me? ...]

MLK: Dreams Now Less Contemplative, More Mildly Amused

So black folks are catching up in a big way these days. Aside from getting a black president, we're also getting a black statue. Or rather, a statue of an important black man. Hooray!

The 28-foot Martin Luther King Jr. national memorial -- also known as the "Stone of Hope" - is pictured below. Apparently there's been some hullabaloo over how angry MLK should be. The picture shows them making the move from, perhaps not angry(?), to mildly amused, or hopefully optimistic. Which I suspect falls in line with the facial expression for the black community en masse. Notice we still have our arms crossed so we're not totally open to conversation or embrace or whathaveyou.

Other bits of Americana worth noting: such a statue, should you want one for yourself, costs approx $100 M. And aside from the figure being memorialized, it feels appropriate that a Chinese sculptor, Lei Yixin, is helming the project with intents on outsourcing the beginning in China. All things that people of varied persuasions are protesting somewhere. Now ain't that America?

Altered MLK Memorial Statue OK'd [AJC, via Gawk]

Attack of the Slacks People

When folks, like Obama, talk about The Black Experience, and what negroes as a collective have had to go through just to level the playing field, overlooked is stuff like this circa-1971 ad on the right headlined "Slack Power" (*GAG*). Copyranter nails the commentary on Animal:

"Our Post-Grad Slacks have soul" purrs the copy. Where? Are they reversible? It's not just that they're plaid pants, it's that they're those plaid pants. In the history of tough guys, I don't think a tough guy has ever looked less tough"

Seriously. I mean, we can laugh at it now, but Obama may have come into existence ten years ago if not for the "Post-Grad Slacks" that setback a generation of otherwise manly black men. Pour a little liquor for the poorly-slacked black people that paved the way.

Buygone Ad of the Week [Animal]