Friday, June 20, 2008

White Capsule: Dude Love Letters

So I read this recent Crap Email From A Dude on jezebel, and then I read some more, and I wonder about them. Aside from being impressive windows into the bowels -- to borrow a word from one of these love letters -- of the male soul, and cringe-worth moments of insanity, I'm thinking these letters also cut right to the heart of ethnic-as-cultural differences. I mean read this one, here's some excerpts:

What I was trying to convey — obviously very inartfully — was the depth of my hurt at your decision to marry Jonathan [ed: this marriage was apparently 5 years ago]. I have tried almost every way I know besides doing sign language while standing on my head yodeling the national anthem to explain to you why the entire situation is so painful for me and why I take it so personally. It seems manifestly obvious and glaringly self-evident to me why being rejected for another man is hurtful and why it would cause tension in our relationship. But there still seems to be some confusion here, so in the interest of disambiguation I will do my best to explain further.

Let me stipulate first, just for the record, what you have already alluded to: My ignorance of the details of your relationship with Jonathan is pretty much comprehensive. As you suggest, this is by design. For reasons that I think should be (but apparently aren't) obvious, your marriage is a source of constant hurt for me. And because my personal predilections do not tend toward the masochistic, I prefer to spend as little time thinking about it as possible. I would rather not dwell on the particulars of a relationship that feels to me like a personal affront, a slap in the face and a complete negation and mockery of my feelings. So yes, I will readily plead guilty to ignorance.

I know that despite that tough veneer, you are an exceedingly sensitive soul. Surely somewhere in your heart of hearts, my profession of love means *something* to you or touches you in some way. But that apparently didn't register at all when you made your decision. Seems to me like a pretty big thing not to take into account when considering something so major and life-altering.

Yeah. So, um ... white guy right? I wonder if that's false/faulty logic and we're being racist, or if with matters of the heart you truly bleed and show a little more of your DNA. We know there's some Myspace Missives that are definitely a "black guy". Or at least, black-guy-as-white-girl.

Anylove, this is going in the White Capsule. It has a certain cultural code methinks worth saving...

Crap Email: White Man Overboard [Jezebel]


  1. one key to that code is an "overwhelming sense of entitlement"

  2. yeah, whiteness REEKS of smug entitlement. They should make a perfume.

  3. edit: I feel more confident saying it's white, than whether it's actually a guy or girl. (zing)

  4. With all due respect, TAN, After reading off and on for a while, I'm not sure if you disgust me or amuse/entertainment me, and most likely you don't care.

    I find flashes of brilliance throughout as well as things that make me want to vomit everything I've eaten for the last three days (if that's possible). In any case, I am one of those Erykah Badu/Jill Scott sistahs you have referenced in the past, a voluntary state of being as I rejected assimilation long ago and like to surprise people who think they have me figured out with a well placed 'muthafucka', 'oKAY!', or 'hell naw'. I refuse to code switch, son.

    Keep up the good work?

  5. mmm...that's delicious: I do care. After all ...

  6. that's deep.

    still exploring your spot...there's so much to be gained by being open.


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