Thursday, February 22, 2007

The Assimilation Program: Writer's Track

McSweeney's celebrates Black History Month.

There are all sorts of Negro Assimilation ProgramS (NAPS). Some negroes want to go into finance. Some remain traditionalist, and prefer to emulate the caucasian mainstream by robbing them of their ipods and corduroy blazers and then, you know, using those items later to lure unsuspecting caucasianistas into their web of macabre miscegenation.


But if you're on the Writer's Track, no assimilation program is complete without a clip from the Mecca of demonstrably Caucasian humor: McSweeney's.

Today I was fortunate enough to earn my Eggers Stripes and get my "Black History Month: An Objective Perspective" placed in the hallowed halls. So my caucasian peeps, if you're so inclined, feel free to pour a little latte for your boy.

What tickles me most is the byline: The Assimilated Negro. Venerable literary institutions can be picky with that sometimes, so I will always love them for respecting the three little words that are destined to end enhance racism around the globe.

And look ma, I didn't even use the word "negro."

Black History Month: An Objective Perspective [McSweeney's]


  1. Love it. Very clever. Congrats!

  2. Anonymous2/23/2007

    That was great. Best take on black history month ever.

  3. Nice essay. I hope the caucasianista rag paid you well. One question: Why is Black always a he and never a she?

  4. I admire the confident way you toss low brow concepts like 'macabre miscegenation' around - it defines you and limits you at the same time.
    But that knowing smile that comes through the writing is like your headline picture of Paris and Fiddy - I don't know who the victim is anymore but I don't care cause its so 'hot'
    Well Done Negro


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