Ok Smartypants, But Did YOU See The Farting Albino Monkey?

Fine. You got me ... but why do we have to know how many passes the team in WHITE made? Huh??? I think this video is racist. Hrrumph!

Behind Every Great Man-Blogger ...

These two are awesome. Let us count the ways ...

1."You just have to stand there like you're really mad. Like you just found out i spent $80K of our money on prostitutes." awesome.
2. 1:05, Her Silda Spitzer impression is awesome.
3. I suspect this guy will never ever cheat. awesome.
4. cracking up at your own canned punchlines with no audience? yup, awesome.
5. 2:38, "Can I go now? I think we should all go. That's The Ointment for another day..." Awesome.

Vogue Offers LeBron A Banana?

On Fanhouse I wonder how someone could see racism in the recent Vogue cover featuring LeBron and Gisele?


It's one thing to have some racialized (or whathaveyou) thoughts come to mind, I'm down with that, but it's a stretch to call foul on this cover. On Vogue, but especially on LeBron. You gotta let a brother live. Getting to manhandle Gisele on the cover of Vogue is pretty much a no-brainer for any man, from 8-80, no matter the potential image crisis.

All I'm saying is if that cover is a problem, we definitely have to go back and do something about this one:

Like going back and putting me in the dress and heels.

I Don't Think Vogue Is Saying Someone Should Give LeBron A Banana [Fanhouse]

Checkmate?

Umm, am I mistaken or did the Wright "scandal" represent Clinton's last hope for slowing down Hurricane Obama?


No matter, the general election is the real concern now.

UPDATE: oh yeah, and this helps too. Aww. I really liked Hillary! Why can't we have co-prezzies? I hope somehow they manage to be on the same ticket....

via: The Truth About Trinity United Church of Christ, Blogxilla

White People Like Stuff

So, the blog Stuff White People Like continues to grow as a phenomenon. The site's over 15M hits and counting, and Christian -- who I interviewed before he got a publicist and media gag order -- has apparently managed to cash in his Wire-inspired Moment of Zen to the tune of a quarter million dollars or so. As those crazy caucasians like to say: Huzzah!

The Houston Chronicle got in on the action yesterday and name-dropped TAN as THE progenitor of racial conflict. Aww. That's very kind of them.

Proof is in the pudding, so suffice to say SWPL has more lovers than haters. But the backlashers are getting restless. To wit: The Root and The New Republic put down extended efforts at shooting The Man down in his tracks. I'm a SWPL fan, but The Root's piece is a pretty thorough critique from the black perspective. The site might prove a final data point to flesh out an Eminem Effect or whatever, where black backlash rises according to a white person's success at exploiting a pillar of black culture. Cause making fun of white people was around long before Jazz and Hip Hop, knahmean? Sheeit, we know white people better than we know ourselves. Cracka-ass Cracka is like our second language. Christian has some hot lyrics, but for an audience raised on Pryor, Murphy, Rock, Chappelle etc. ... it's gonna be weird to see the "sensation" in it all.

Anyrace ... maybe there's an "Obama Effect" on all race-related content and media this year. Between The Wire and The Big O, I've been getting a lot of dap high-fives from random white people on the street. There's definitely something special in the air

'Stuff White People Like' Book Sold To Random House [NY Observer]
Race-Related Blog Causing Controversy [Houston Chronicle]
Why I Don't Like Stuff White People Like [The Root]
From Blogs To Riches [Washington Post]
Why White People Like SWPL [The New Republic]

Crayon Physics Deluxe

The kids have so much cooler playthings these days. I sorta can't believe this game/product has the word "Crayon" in it:



Crayon Physics Deluxe [Slate]

Non-Motivational Speaking Is The New Obama

So I'm participating in the debut of Gelf Magazine's Non-Motivational Speaker Series.

Gelf has been running "Varsity Letters" which has been a thingamadoody for The Greatest Sportswriters To Ever Walk The Earth. And now they're spreading their wings a little more to include legendaries outside the sports realm and mentally-challenged folk like myself. Aww.

It's free, at Happy Endings, March 27th.

also appearing: Kumail Nunjiani, and Todd Hanson.

Two very funny guys and me. Here's the crowd from my last "set":


Introducing The Non-Motivational Speaker Series, March 27th [Gelflog]

America's Favorite Cookie?

via: Valleywag

Obama Throws on the Du-Rag and Dookie-Rope Chain

Over at Jewcy I throw up some thoughts on Obama Speech Day. For the record, I was pro-Hillary before OSD, and am now pro-O. More to come ...

Until today, black America's excitement about Barack Obama reminded me of an old Eddie Murphy skit: everyone was falling for the Obama in the tailpipe. Obama's served as lovely symbol of racial transcendance, but until today's speech he hadn't said anything white politicians haven't said.And how many black people in jail = one Obama?

Because if Obama's relevancy is tied to disavowing his candidacy as "The Black President," then he sacrifices his relevance to the black community.

But today Obama threw on his du-rag, gold fronts, and dookie gold-rope chain to keep it real and say, "YO! F this 'race doesn't matter' bullish. I'm black and I'm proud, bidges!"

continued on Jewcy ...

For Black-Americans, This Is The Moment of Truth [Jewcy]

Happy St. Patrick's Day from The Muppets

Were The Muppets postracial? This rendition of the irish anthem "Danny Boy" by The Swedish Chef, Animal, and Beeker transcends race, creed, gender etc:

What's More Disgusting than 2 Girls 1 Cup?

Two Pimples 1 Pus?

Well maybe the title doesn't work, but from the girl/blog who brought us "DickHats" comes the most disgusting video you will see this week. Easy. This one goes out to all the girls who like to squeeze blackheads, your chariot awaits:



I can't even watch it to be honest. I just listen to the music.

For the Dickhead In Your Life

I really shouldn't discuss this in racial terms, it's clearly ridiculous in and of itself .... but really, could a non-white American person come up with this "invention?"

I mean we really need to get back to basics here people. Before the aspiring chocolate-accessory moguls run everything.

I could totally see this being used in Terrorist recruitment video tapes. Throw some dead African babies imagery after this, some third world suffering, and voila! Instant hatred.



DickHats

HATtip: Diana

The Roots Play The Hills

If The Roots had to do a song for The OC or The Hills this would be it. And it would be perfect. They have remarkable execution when trying to capture a sensibility and transpose it into Roots Audio™. This song, "Birthday Girl," is like white person DNA. It's amazing.

Found via Fader, and they're right, they should just go ahead and make this the video:



UPDATE: This thread on okayplayer has ?uest and others talking about the song, the upcoming album (which ?uest previews in snippets), and the state of The Roots (possibly their last album on Def Jam???).

Related:
Songs To Know: Silent Treatment

Hattip: Gingerlynn

Brett Favre: The Last Great White Quarterback

With all the hullabaloo (there's a word I used growing up in the Bronx all the time) over Brett Favre retiring and the end of an era in Green Bay -- nay, the NFL! -- I couldn't help but wonder if perhaps Mr. Wrangler deciding to hang up his jeans will signal the end of The Great White Quarterback Era as well.

Of course I don't mean to imply there won't be anymore white quarterbacks in the NFL, or even great white ones. I'm talking about the "Great White Quarterback" story as an iconic igniter for racial flamewars. Over the past 5 years or so when his play ranged from MVP-caliber to MVPiece-of-doo-doo caliber, Favre was the poster boy for anyone looking to point out unfair treatment of white QBs vs. Black QBs (or other athletes).

continued on FanHouse ...

The Last Great White Quarterback [FanHouse]

The Internet Will Make You Famous

MTV's Human Giant nail the silly absurdity that often comes with "Internet Celebrity."

Is That A Tattoo On Your Eyeball or Are You Just Happy To ... BE FRIGGIN' RETARDED?

Just when you thought your plain-jane boring-ass eyes had seen it all, some dude out in Canada decides to up the ante and get the world's FIRST EYEBALL TATTOO.

I feel like this had to stem from a combination of a lost bet and verbal misunderstanding, I'm guessing the guy was partying and thought if he didn't down the whole 6-pack in 60 seconds he was just gonna have to "tack up some drywall." But nope. He sobered up and his friends held him to it, "no dude, we said TAT your EYEBALL. And that's it. No backsies!"

On second thought, the guy's name is listed in the article as "Pauly Unstoppable"(!). And in addition to the must-have Blue Eye he looks like he was out tanning with Wonder Woman's belt strapped around his forehead. So he's probably just an idiot eccentric hipster type. Good for him!

Also, see what Canada's health care system gives them the freedom to do? Hail Canada!


World's First Eyeball Tattoo [The Sun]

via: Balk

New Gnarls Barkley: Run, Saving ?uestlove's Soul

Gnarls Barkley is back! And it sounds like they're packing the same hip-hop-infused soul-groove-thingamajiggy that made their last album St. Elsewhere a hit. I think that's a good thing. But maybe not, cause you know how us culture devourers do: keep it new, keep it fresh, or we're gonna keep on moving.

Anygnarls, here's the first single, "Run," which features a guest appearance by Justin Timberlake. Remember: it's not a cool edgy video for the kiddies if JT doesn't make a cameo:



And now here's the second one, just leaked yesterday by ?uestlove of The Roots. Pretty sure this isn't the actual video, just ?uest playing around with the song itself. But still pretty cool because -- let's be honest -- talented black people can do no wrong. Album should drop in April.