Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Flashing Lights: Hot Chicks Have Feelings Too?

The wise wiki says Kanye West created three versions of the Flashing Lights video. The third version was the final one they released, and the spin from 'Ye and Co. is all about it being high concept and loaded with hidden Meaning and Metaphors etc:

The second video version is out now, perhaps it can further enlighten us to what Kanye Is Saying:

About TAN: Quotable Nietzsche

Nietzsche would make an hot speech writer, he and Obama would form a nice 1-2 punch. (Incidentally, one of the TAN Commandments is: thou shalt place no gods before Sir Homey Friedrich Nietzsche. Holla!):

Maintaining cheerfulness in the midst of a gloomy task, fraught with immeasurable responsibility, is no small feat; and yet what is needed more than cheerfulness? Nothing succeeds if prankishness has no part in it. Excess strength alone is the proof of strength.

A revaluation of all values: this question mark, so black, so huge that it casts a shadow over the man who puts it down — such a destiny of a task compels one to run into the sunlight at every opportunity to shake off a heavy, all-too-heavy seriousness. Every means is proper to do this; every "case" is a case of luck. Especially, war. War has always been the great wisdom of all spirits who have become too introspective, too profound; even in a wound there is the power to heal. A maxim, the origin of which I withhold from scholarly curiosity, has long been my motto:

Increscunt animi, virescit volnere virtus.
["The spirits increase, vigor grows through a wound."]

Another mode of convalescence (in certain situations even more to my liking) is sounding out idols. There are more idols than realities in the world: that is my "evil eye" upon this world; that is also my "evil ear." Finally to pose questions with a hammer, and sometimes to hear as a reply that famous hollow sound that can only come from bloated entrails — what a delight for one who has ears even behind his ears, for me, an old psychologist and pied piper before whom just that which would remain silent must finally speak out.

This essay blog — the title betrays it — is above all a recreation, a spot of sunshine, a leap sideways into the idleness of a psychologist. Perhaps a new war, too? And are new idols sounded out? This little essay blog is a great declaration of war; and regarding the sounding out of idols, this time they are not just idols of the age, but eternal idols, which are here touched with a hammer as with a tuning fork: there are no idols that are older, more assured, more puffed-up — and none more hollow. That does not prevent them from being those in which people have the most faith; nor does one ever say "idol," especially not in the most distinguished instance.
(ed.: what about American Idol?, Nietzsche: d'oh!)

~ Friedrich Nietzsche

(spit that fire, son!)

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I'll Beat The Good Humor Out Of You

From the Times:

Summer is more than a month away, but the ice cream wars have already begun. In neighborhoods across the city, skirmishes are breaking out over which franchise can sell its wares on which route. And the tension between the city’s purveyors of ice-cold treats can at times be thicker than a Chipwich.

There have been harsh words, hurt feelings and even bloodshed between competitors. In 2004, a couple in their 60s who owned and operated two ice cream trucks were ambushed in the Bronx and beaten with an oversized wrench. The motive, the police said, was the couple’s ice cream route. A rival ice cream salesman was charged with assault and sentenced to 10 years in prison.

Bloodshed? Oversized-wrench beatdowns?? Jail time???


No more Mr. Softee, I guess. Now it's ... oh I can't bring myself to it, but I'm open to suggestions on hard-rock gangsta names for the ice cream crips-and-bloods set. Also: photoshop anyone?

Ice Cream Truck War Revs Up [NYT]

About TAN: 5/14

Hi there,

I'm putting this updated About TAN up since I'm getting e's and facebook messages asking me why I'm being so slow/lazy/negligent. Also people asking whether I'm male or female, black or white etc., which I think would be patently clear, but you never know who lurks behind the computer so I'll take the chance to put up a refresher pic-- that's me picking my nose on the right. I also revolutionized the blog photo shoot a couple years ago. So there's that.

Basically things have been slow as I'm trying to get the proposal done for The Greatest Book On Race Ever, and it's literally taking me longer than the Civil Rights movement (someone needs to firehose me and send in the attack dogs!). It's just with a title like that there's obviously much hand-wringing and consternation, plus I'm having trouble finding someone to write it for me on craigslist. Also, I'm slow and dim-witted, soooo there you go.

So friends I've been ignoring: my apologies (but that's what friends are for, right?). Editors who I owe or have promised letters and words for: umm, they're coming? Thank you for bearing with me. (incidentally, editors who would be interested in TGBORE (emphasis on BORE) can contact me via the email on the sidebar, I will put you on The List and highlight your name in melanin. I'll also get rid of all the double parentheticals in edit. Promise.) Random readers who are neither friends nor editors: look, I have friends and know editors! Yay!

Hmmm, what else? I have abandonment issues, so please don't leave me. I'll be back soon. Like maybe even tomorrow. And I have a slave ship full of links and content waiting to be released from their chains; just have to whip them into shape a little more.

(another aside: in thinking about my abandonment issues it occurs that negroes in general might have abandonment issues, like we got picked up and thought we were going to play bumper boats with the white people or something and then, not so much (cf. slavery), so now we're sort of socially adept but distant, not capable of the full love/embrace. We're still all clingy with american mainstream culture, and feel nervous when it looks like caucasians are bailing on us (looking at you West Virginia). Anyhuh, still whipping this particular negro-thought into shape, but was wondering why I don't see more reference to the disorders blacks collectively might suffer from as a result of the period of abuse in this country.)

Not sure how to segue here ... Look! Barbara Walters slept with a black guy! bwahahahahahahahahaha. Ahhhh, it's funny cause it's true.

Ok. Be back soon. Really! I never lie when I'm wearing my seersucker shorts by a pool in Vieques (don't hate the player, hate the blog. and the prep school).


Friday, May 09, 2008

Onward, Upward, Etc. Etc.

I should be getting in the blogger roundtable mix on NPR News & Notes sometime soon. This will be take 2 for TAN getting in the NPR cipher, last time was a learning experience (I still owe you a call Michel; I'm an awesomely confused negro idiot is the long and short of my message though) ... so anypr, should be fun, and I'll update w/ specific dates and times as apropos, but icon below is linked so you can always use that and search around.

NPR News and Notes With Farai Chideya

Why We Wear Baggy Jeans

Nick over at Gawk does a good job debunking this viral video, which I think as of his and this posting is not publicly acknowledged as a stealth viral video campaign for Levi jeans, but should be soon. If it is an ad there's a definite missed opportunity to corner the negro market cause obviously this is why we wear baggy/saggy pants. And, obviously, we choose a brand based on how easily it is to jump into them. So instead of the token faux-hawked negro (which as I've pointed out before are the reason why some caucs think they'd rather go negro than lose tivo) and some hipster-gymnasts doing nonsensical acrobatics w/ pogo sticks and what not, which no one in real life can relate to, you could have some real hood negroes who, y'know, are jumping out of bed trying to avoid baby mama drama, or out of a car trying to avoid 50 shots from the po-po, or whatever else we do on a typical Saturday night. And then you'd have us lining up for your jeans faster than if Lebron James wore them in his last playoff game and changed his name to "Tommy Hilfiger in the mid-90s" and they came with a free amateur-rapper myspace account. And a lifetime supply of Tims. And rims. Shout out to Mims! Damn, it makes me wanna freestyle (or at least beatbox) just thinking about it. Holla at ya boy, Levi's. Let's make it happen.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Dear TAN: White Girlfriends And The Seeds of Discontent

I once started a neverending interview, but now we're switching to a "Dear TAN" feature. Send your questions/letters to theassimilatednegro [at] gmail [dot] com.

In this edition: White Girlfriend Ressentiment! (ressentiment is a word, perhaps, we could use more often?)

Dear TAN,

I hope your February isn't too cold! (You know how we don't like the cold.) [ed. note: yes this is old, d'oh!] I thought I'd drop you a line, soliciting some insight from a fellow partially assimilated negro.

I'm beginning to see feelings of resentment growing in my soul against my white girlfriend.

But I think it's more disdain for the white privilege from which she comes and its manifestations in her life.




Dear Redacted,

Ahh, that old canard of caucasian coquettes and their craved kunta-kintes ... I know it well, my friend. Unfortunately, for your questions, easy answers there are none. A road map to Racial, Peaceofmind there is not, young jedi-negro. All I can tell you is where the hot hipster chicks hang out so you can get a new one.

But firstly we should confirm what we do know: White Privilege has everything to do with feelings about your White Girlfriend. Thats why we're using capital letters. If you're still wondering about that I'd say you should just reference her as "White Girlfriend" for a week or so, just for conditioning purposes. I mean what's the point of having one if you're not going to remember what she is, knahmean?

Moving on ... in the setup for your letter, I use the word "ressentiment," and that's not just my hip hop spelling of resentment. As the wise wiki above tells us they're two related but distinct terms, and I think very relevant to us assimilateds trying to manage the white angst (wangst?) dilemma.

Since I prefer to spit my Nietzsche to fine mamacitas in the wee hours over wine I won't really get into it now *cough* but Friedrich has a lot of real talk for black folk. And the long and short is ressentiment is about creating an object and subsequent morality out of being poorly treated. In the wiki they use a quote about birds of prey and lambs saying birds of prey may pick on the lambs, but it doesn't mean they dislike or hate the lambs, in fact quite the opposite, they think they're delicious. Meanwhile the lambs are sort of like F these birds, birds suck, we should get organized and start a F Birds revolution. This psychology is seen often with the black/white stuff because smart black people are always wringing their hands over whether we should be hating on The Man and engaging in the resistance, or seeing a brighter side etc. It translates well with the White Girlfriend issue because the White Girlfriend is more ostensibly not an enemy. Their weapons are fair-skin, blowjobs and cashmere vaginas (actually I think all girls have the latter two) so what's to revolt against ....?

Anywhite, I don't know if this helps you at all, but if you babble about this to your White Girlfriend she probably won't know what you're talking about, and you'll feel superior, and then maybe oral sex will ensue, and voila: no more resentment. The ressentiment might remain though.

Good luck!


Friday, May 02, 2008

Grand Theft Auto V: Children With Attitude

Here's some nice fodder for those arguing that Grand Theft Auto is going to destroy the planet. Of course with a 7-year-old black kid stealing and driving an SUV (his gradma's) you'd prob be inclined to blame the hippity-hoppity too, but I don't think that works here. Stealing cars, err carjacking, has been played out in hip hop (and jazz!) for a while now.

Incidentally will GTA IV be available on the Wii system? That'll be fun.

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