I Wanna Dress Like Mike

I had sort of noticed Michael Jordan seemed to dress not quite like a champion. But only until someone started collecting the case studies on tumblr did I grasp the hilarious weight of the problem. OMG

what can you say about the greatest basketball player to ever live wearing a two-tone chopper suit?

i was expecting the YMCA look before he became the most heavily endorsed athlete ever

he had to lose a bet with Dr. J on this, right? 

I am no fashion plate, or style guru (all the people who know me are nodding their heads right now) but this is bizarro. the only explanation is that same singular focus that led him to being the greatest baller, guides his wardrobe choices. only his closet is full of L's instead of championships, and he accepts no coaching.

and lest you think it's only hanging out with the fellas

WTF is Michael Jordan Wearing? [Tumblr]

Grab Your Puffies: The NBA's Coming Back

I'll round up some of our Grantland coverage here. Updates to come (I think)

The NBA Is Back, Grantland Staff
Why We Will Forget the Lockout, NBA and Social Media, Jay Caspian Kang
How the Summer Lockout changed the way we watch basketball, Hua Hsu
NBA Winners & Losers, Jonathan Abrams
It Wasn't (Just) About the Money, Charles P. Pierce
Lasting Images from the Lockout, Carles
25 Reasons We'll Miss the Lockout, Rembert Browne
Secrets of the New CBA Revealed, Ben Detrick

Previously: Nuclear Winter Reading List

Notes and Links: Who Will Be LeBron James's Next NBA Franchise?

"The Decision". LeBronapalooza. LeBronageddon. Whatever you want to call it, it's impossible to escape.

My boy Leitch (who recently made his own commitment, for slightly less dollars) has been all over the King James beat for NY Mag. This comes a couple months after he co-authored the Magazine's cover story/pitch (where the image comes from). So you could do worse for a one-stop shop on all the nuts and bolts...

But it's not like you necessarily need a one-stop shop since everywhere has a little something-something to offer. Last night Julianne Moore was on The Daily Show, promoting her new movie "The Kids Are All Right". It's a movie that some might regard as important, offering as it does a modern take on the au courant issue of gay marriage and gay parenting in America. Still, the main topic of conversation was LeBron's Choice. And the best part was Julianne Moore being so eager/earnest to discuss it despite being somewhat ignorant to the nuance and variables of the story (for example, zero awareness of how signing Amar'e helps, not hurts, with LeBron). I suspect this means her native NY'er hubby might be paying more attention to #LeBron twitter alerts than his stunning Hollywood wife with a new movie out, and she's just trying to keep up with the slang of it all.

Breaking: Possible Lady Gaga, ft. Tiger Woods, Mixtape Song (audio, lyrics)

my name's eldrick, you can call me tige
mr. woods if you bring some friends
we can have one hell of a night
through the day

Knicks Trade for TMac, Pray to the God of Big City Sports

A starting five of notes on the Knicks trading for former superstar Tracy McGrady:

1. The TMac Narrative: everyone in the analysis business wants to write off TMac as a strictly cap-money acquisition. The brains say he's too old to really help. And even if he is good he'll be too expensive to keep on the roster. It's a lose-lose in terms of him sticking around for Knicks fans. But I'm thinking sports, if nothing else, is all about defying our rational intellectual senses. This is why despite exponents of stat-head freaks overpopulating the globe compiling every statistic known to man we still in any given game NEVER KNOW WTF IS GONNA HAPPEN. This was a man crying(breaks down circa 1:50 mark), emptying his heart in front of a crowded press room only a few years ago. Sports can get schmaltzy, but still not many superstar athletes expose themselves quite like that. Allan Houston was our All Star, he never cried. Nate Robinson has heart, but he ain't been broken up over much. And it's not like these guys haven't had plenty to sob about for the last decade. I don't know how Eddy Curry gets through the days. But I think TMac has a particular qualitative element to his story that fits in with the majestic arcs demanded by the city of skyscraping dreams (too much?). Its not likely, it's not something to bet your rent on. But if we snooze, he's the kind of player who can sneak up on you and become a factor. I guess I think it's good that he's being written off by the media.

Not Bad: NBA All Star Game Rap Battle

Recently enamored of Lydia Davis and her unique brand of short story/poetry (shoetry? hmmm, pronounced show-a-tree? ...forget it, ugh!) ) I've been thinking about rapping as a form of prose styling. Which fits in with a growing notion that hip hop's grand error is its creative cachet being tied to the musical arts and not the literary arts. The music was the conduit to commercial empowerment, but the lyrics are where all the cultural and intellectual DNA reside. So as smarts trumps capitalism, hip hop is losing inventory (mostly due to bad accounting in the past).

When seen as a form of lit stylizing, then the rhythms, cadence, dialect choices all conspire to signal artistry at work in a more tangible way. Per Samuel Beckett (via Lydia Davis interview):

"I am interested in the shape of ideas even if I do not believe in them. There is a wonderful sentence in Augustine. I wish I could remember the Latin. It is even finer in Latin than in English. 'Do not despair; one of the thieves was saved. Do not presume; one of the thieves was damned.' That sentence has a wonderful shape. It is the shape that matters."

This is why the art of hip hop, of rapping, can/should be respected even if the content is about nonsense. Not that nonsense, especially of the lazy commercially-pandering variety, shouldn't be held as a demerit. But fact remains you can rap about the money, the cars, the hoes artfully. The heft of the craftsmanship in quality lyrics come from the person shaping their content/story/themes into proper "hip hop form" ...

of course that leads us into style vs. substance debates, amongst other tangents. but that's for another time. my point here was to set up this nba all star rap video, which i enjoyed as a stylizing of the "who's better: east or west?" conversation/debate most nba fans are engaging in to some degree during the All Star break.



so yeah, i mean hardcore sports fans are going to find the broad nature of this as substantively compelling as the latest black eyed peas joint (or whatever fluffy pop hip hop song is at odds with your intellectual sensibilities at the moment). but, like your average BEP song, it's mostly a fun aesthetic conceit. one that more and more people are finding accessible, if not fundamental. maybe soon rapping will be the equivalent of writing someone a note in thick permanent marker, as a sonnet or something. just having fun with language/communication! word, yo!

(also, i love the east coast production style, but think it makes the song a bit biased.)

For Every Press Conference, A Pop Song

People are doing some amazing things with auto-tune, and video and audio editing. Here's another one. Pretty awesome:



I wonder if this is incredible only for this specific iteration/execution, and because it's new and novel. Or if every press conference ever conceived can now be repurposed into something beautiful (and danceable, too!).

(Thanks: LT)

Might 'Love' Get Twitter Over the Hump?

Not romantic love, silly! I mean Kevin Love, the young power forward of the Minnesota Timberwolves who recently completed his rookie season. DUH.

"But why have you tricked us like this, TAN?" thought the internet chorus.

"Well I'll tell you," thought TAN as he wrote those very words on the keyboard ...

Sure celebrities like Ashton Kutcher and Oprah are huge celebrities, but that's just it, they're *celebrities*. I'd argue that celebritydom gets us to listen or pay attention or click, but at the same time it makes us minimize the weight/value of A-B-C-listers.

So, like, a PH.D will be more respected than a celebrity PH.D. (I know, there's vagaries to that, i.e. good and bad celebrity, but roll with me here, I think this is how we will undermine the celebrity infrastructure...) In the case of Oprah, in particular, it might constitute a thesis statement in need of further research to suggest her celebritydom has outflanked her ranking/merit as media mogul. The argument is at some point she (and every other celeb) tips over the line and is no longer applying her time to her media moguldom because she's managing everything involved with being Oprah day-to-day. The Celebrity Industry Complex.

Which is to say celebrities, if not now, sometime in the near future, will all occupy the same mind space. And this will be fair: part of the streamlining brain-efficiency program, we know to be a celebrity you must take some portion of your finite time and energy and devote it to something other than mastery of your craft/art/talent etc.

To make money these days, and in the past, you had to have some talent (play a guitar, rap, shoot a ball etc), but to be a *star* you also needed skills with schmoozing and the rest. Schmoozing and networking are the tools//talents of celebrities. Some people hate that. Some people revel in it. But that's all beside the point. What matters is there's a finite amount of time to devote your energies. And before, everything was wrapped into one ball. And now, everything is partitioned off. So it's easier to be a writer these days, but it's more difficult to be a *superstar celebrity writer*.

If we abide by the 10,000 hour rule, then to split your energies might get you more money and fame, but it will make you less of a master. Less of a genius at whatever you do. Some say I'm a good self-promoter, but that invariably makes me less of a writer. Presumably we don't know The Grand Masters of our various arts because they're in a hole obsessed to the point of socio-dysfunction. Genius!

So in the future, celebrities will be celebrities: People in the public eye, that we know to varying degrees, for some reason or another. Oprah, Ashton, Pam Anderson, David Letterman, same shit, different toilet. Or somesuch. (Unless you know them personally, of course).

Now back to Kevin Love. He's no celebrity. Just a basketball player. But last week he got the NBA media circles buzzing because he tweeted news of his coach/GM/boss leaving the team before the Timberwolves made any official announcement and before any reporters knew.

The big reveal is simply that he's going unpunished, and even better, he's being encouraged to do more tweeting. And now the door opens for every team to have their first player-tweeter-journo-blogger. Who's hurt, who's traded, who's leaving, who's got a bad attitude, who's re-signing, all from an insider perspective that couldn't be duplicated by even the most observant sports reporter. Players being allowed to use the new tools of the media trade feels like a game-changer.

In sum: a sports league embracing Twitter to the point of players being allowed to break news before the team's PR department -- something that in the past would normally cause a fine or suspension or other reprimand -- is bigger than Oprah or Ashton getting a jillion followers. Sports as one of our cultural institutions is bigger than Ashton. Bigger than Oprah (i think). If our NBA broadcasts will soon be informed by players telling us all sorts of insider-y stuff, feels like more of a fundamental philosophical embrace of the new medium and what it means. Athletes already have blogs, so what happens when the players are doing both the playing and reporting?

Regardless, it seems fitting that Love has led the way.

image:via

Mets Are Playing Like Mediocre Missionary Sex

Are you familiar with the Mets Are Better Than Sex? It's only the bestest sexiest Mets blog evar!! Well, my peeps over there got to peep Citi Field on Friday (I know you know, but is it in your active/conscious mind that "peep" can serve as both noun and verb?). They took some nice pictures (I'm dying to see Citi Field!), so please go on over there and check them out if you haven't seen the field yet (or even if you have).

One of the ladies in the crew is not only cute and smart, but a SIGN-MAKER EXTRAORDINAIRE, and she's always wooing Mr. David Wright:


You might think, eh, I've seen better. But that "a" in the "heart" pops out and actively beats. And it's two-sided. So yeah, top that!

AnyMet, the boys in Flushing aren't playing to a level worthy of this girl or the sign. Very middling, very boring, very unexciting seen-it-and-done-it-before kind of sex going on at Citi to open the season. Almost makes me think I might like real sex more than the Mets. But then Johan's turn in the rotation comes and I pop a louisville slugger, and wetness ensues, and ... well, I've said too much already.

If they don't fix it up in a hurry soon though, they're gonna lose girls like Dee and the only fan left will be this dude.
So please think about that next time you don't want to drive in a runner in scoring position, Mr. Wright, Mr. Beltran et. al.

Sexy Signage Help Mets Win First Game at Citi Field [Mets Are Better Than Sex]

SWC image: via

Michael Strahan: From Defensive End To Emmy?

Former Giant and Nicole Murphy sack-artist Michael Strahan is rumored to be in negotiations to star in his own sitcom. Which is kind of bananas, as the kids say.

I blog about it on NBC, coming up with some sitcom-corny storylines and names.

(also, between Strahan and SI swimsuit models, gap-teeth might be en vogue right now.)

My favorite is the idea of pairing Strahan and office linebacker Terry Tate. I think that's the only one with a legitimate chance of being funny. At least for a few episodes.

Here are the audition reels, first the once-and-future-thespian Strahan:



Hmmm, I guess this whole post is a scam to run the original Terry Tate sketch. Classic:



image: via

Steroids Are What Vitamins Do When They Grow Up

Beautiful programming on the NYTimes where in the midst of the A-Rod Inquisition, they also have a nice update on how vitamins are kinda-sorta bullshit (don't even act surprised!). Did you know American adults spend $23 Billion a year on "dietary supplements" and don't really know if the products are having the intended effect? Quick, someone call ESPN and Peter Gammons for the interview!

This has been a premise in development for a little while now; vitamins are supposed to help prevent disease or extend life, and concrete proof of either is lacking. The study linked and cited in the beginning of the piece tracked 161,000 older women over eight-years with nothing to show for it. There are many more. Mainly because it's hard to scientifically prove anything as "definitely" true.

But I doubt anyone's too shocked, all the debunking falls in line with the perfectly intuitive notion that there is no "magic pill" that will extend our lives and rid of us disease. We dream of this being possible, but anyone who's dealt with health problems knows the bottom line is some things work on some people, other things don't. Everything has context; vitamins might help sprinkle a little iron in the mix if your otherwise healthy diet skews away from the mineral, but if you're only eating cheese doodles they can't help with the yellow-orange fingertips or expanding waistline etc.

Of course the nebulous root of the vitamin problem, is the same muddy dilemma facing baseball, A-Rod and steroids. In the context of living a life where one eats healthy, works out, and does the things to maintain their body in top form, how does one discern what is the product of a healthy lifestyle and what is a product of taking vitamins/performance enhancers?

The lack of clear answers to this exposes the hypocrisy in the A-Rod lynching. We're all being a little naive, "young and stupid" (especially the wise elders who take the most vits) by ingesting and investing ($23B/year can buy you a lot of A-Rods) in products that we really have no definite proof/evidence/understanding of what it does.

The funny thing, then, in the case of vitamins, is the one thing we do know is they're not doing as much as we'd like them to do for the money we're spending. So maybe anyone who's really angry at A-Rod is only pissed because his multi-vitamins work better.


image: no vits, magic pills

From the Slums of the Super Bowl

there was a Super Bowl yesterday, and it was fairly amazing (i came in with no special rooting interest, but by the end I think I was rooting for the Cards; I wonder if a lot of people experienced that)...

here's some posts for NBC NY

Will Steelers Thank Jints for Santonio? -- (i didn't get to explore it all, but Ben vs Eli, Plax, Steelers trading with NY to get Santonio, there are a few interesting connections between the teams)

Ben vs, Eli II -- Ben's in another league again. Hopefully Eli can follow.

And in honor of the second African-American head coach winning a Super Bowl, and maybe even more in honor of no one giving that angle much pub, we take a trip down memory lane to remember the raging hubbub and furor over Negro Bowl I:

Knicks Curry At Center of Spicy Sex Scandal

ah, love the tabloid headline game ...

I wrote about this Curry "gay-sex" scandal scam last night for NBC. But I didn't get to use this picture, which I love for the story.

It also reminded me of a line intended for a Knicks preview on freedarko, something to the effect of, "this is a man who rebounds like the back of his jersey should read 'No Homo'."

I did get to intersperse some groans without going offensive (nullus), noting the irony of Curry's driver filing harassment charges on a guy who wouldn't know how to harass a basketball, or opponent driving the lane, let alone this dude.

But the writing is a little soulless since it feels so obviously like a con-job by Mr. Kuchinsky. And not even a well conceived/thought out fraud. Dude basically made up the most egregious homosexual slanders he could think of and then asked for a $100K hoping it would be a small enough amount for Curry to not think about (correction, he asked for more, the $100K is just for back wages). So even annoying jokes feel as slimy as the charges in the suit themselves.

Anyways, poor Eddy Curry. He and Stephon should go start a team together.

Curry Charged With Being More Offensive On The Court Than Off It [NBC New York]

The Tao of the Eagles Giants Game

Jotted some of the oppositional Yin Yang forces at play in the Eagles Giants game. Not included there, but somewhat TAN related-- this may be the last bid for the recent generation of black mobile quarterbacks. From Randall to Vick, Culpepper, McNair, McNabb etc. None of them made it happen.

Just sayin'...

The Tao of the Eagles-Giants [NBC New York]

I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson

amazing....

and it's not just the weight that's a problem, via fox:

Since retiring in 2005, he has spoken of becoming a missionary to escape his reputation in America but recently opened a fund account that required a $50 monthly direct debit.

He declined the direct debit, noting that he could not guarantee the money would be there each month.

let's get ready to rumble humble?



image via

Maybe Soon The Giants Will Be Good Enough To Have Cheerleaders?

Currently the Giants FAQ says they think "the game should be the focus of the day", but we'll see how long that stays in place now that Eli is a stud. Don't good teams need cheerleaders? Why would cheerleading exist if the best team didn't have cheerleaders?

At the least, the Giants on-field goodness, and lack of cheerleaders, offers opportunity for a referendum on the value of cheerleading.

Yes, this applies even after losing to the Eagles. That was a bye week for Giants fans. I was practically rooting for that loss.

Giants Clinch NFC East [NBC NY]

If Plax Isn't Actually Stupid, Then What Is He?

here's the nut of my take on Plaxico-Gate

And if Plax isn't actually stupid, then what is he? Is he unlucky? Is he an obnoxiously selfish a-hole? Is he a big proponent of the second amendment, and an armed populace? Is he too invested in male machismo? Does he have daddy issues? Is he aloof, such that he might overlook the immediate and unnecessary danger simply possessing a gun in a crowded club creates?

I have no idea on these questions, and have gotten little help from the coverage on PlaxicoGate; so it seems much like a young athlete who has all the tools but lacks the focus, blogs and the media at large are failing to maximize their potential. This is a story with serious issues a the heart of it -- gun culture, rights/rules for the rich and/or famous etc. -- by covering this from an angle that prioritizes stand-up routines over insight into how such a reckless accident can occur, we are in essence dropping the ball, and/or shooting ourselves in the leg.

it's not all wagging a disappointed finger at the media, some plax jokes in there also. after all, who can resist....

If Plax Isn't Stupid, Who's Really Dropping The Ball? [NBC New York]

Did the Days of Chivalry Leave With Sir Isiah Thomas?

The Cavs beat the Knicks down Tuesday night, like a boyfriend tired of fools flirting with his girl.

When you think about it, Cleveland had to do something. The New York media hard-on for James was such that I was afraid to touch a newspaper for fear of getting LeBron-gunk on my hand. It crossed the line into rudeness; you can admire some guy's girlfriend from afar, but you can't just start licking her the way everyone has lapped LeBron's booty the last couple media cycles.

in final edit I got to say hard-on, but no gunk! baby steps....

LeBron and Knicks Need To Get A Room [NBC]

Can Obama Fix An America That Pays Stephon Marbury $22M To Do Nothing?

There's limited space blogging sports for NBC, and in this recent musing about Marbury and Obama and reevaluating values, I couldn't include the point that makes Marbury such a paradox. That is, despite being vastly overpaid, and fairly dysfunctional, he's also one of the most giving philanthropic-oriented players in the NBA.

His move to put his name on $14 sneakers, in this era of $200 LeBrons and whatnot, along with the reputed donating this year's salary to charity, don't get enough pub in the face of all the more sensational hubbub he creates.

I've fallen victim now too, but at least I can clear my conscience a little here.

Can Obama Fix An America That Pays Stephon Marbury $22M To Do Nothing? [NBC New York]

NBC, New York, Sports Crack... It's Good For You

Been doing some sports blogging for NBC recently, they have new localized sites, and I'm playing the role of B.A. Baracus for the New York A-Team. I'll probably figure out some widget or link to keep the posts streaming over here at some point before the reign of Emperor Obama is over, but for now, since I didn't post anything else today, I'll just link some of the recent hits from the sports-crack pipe.

The Curse of Mike Mussina (sorry Muss, just sayin'!)

A Tale of One City, 3 Quarterbacks

Hal Steinbrenner is Antagonizing Sabathia For No Reason

ARod for MVP: Madonna's Valuable Player

$4M Is Going Rate For A Quality Reliever, Ahem, Omar Minaya

McGahee Would Not Make The Giants Band of Earth, Wind, and Fire

Brook Lopez, Bidges

and I still hold a torch for The Rehiring of Willie Randolph


NBC New York Sports [NBC NY]