Thursday, July 21, 2011

Marry/F@#$/Kill: A Tribe Called Quest

Family, here's full disclosure: I have a very intimate relationship with the music of A Tribe Called Quest. When I was born, I requested "Push It Along" for my intro. My iBeeper plays "Skypager." My ex-girlfriend wore unitards with red and green ink blot patterns. (We broke up 'cause we both knew how it feels to be stressed out, stressed out. Also the unitard.) It's all single black male stalker-y enough to be considered a classic, classic, classic example of a … A date rape. ETC. ETC.

So suffice it to say a Tribe news cycle courtesy of Michael Rapaport's documentary Beats Rhymes & Life has meant nothing less than the chance to LIVE AGAIN! Forget Friends with Benefits, more like Tribe with Benefits, amirite? Doesn't the air itself have that extra little Luck of Lucien?

Maybe that's why we've decided to play Marry/F@#$/Kill with their catalog. All these emotions going through my body demand choices! If only so I can stop buggin' out, get a hold, and maybe set up a butter playlist for some peace of Mind Power. (Oh My God. What? It's just Youthful Expression, y'all. Let's keep it rollin.)

Here's what I'm thinking as the scenario for M/F/K Industry Rules 4081-4083:

Marry: is the song you can listen to forever-ever. (or wedding song)

F@#$: is the song you listen to once. Nice but no repeats. Thanks! (or sex song)

Kill: For better or worse you will never hear it again. (or murder song)

(In honor of the Tribe doc, we run through their catalog at Grantland, I kick things off with People's Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm (fun to type out!). While I'm here I'd like to take a moment to say: I'm sorry, Phife. I love you. It's nothing personal, just how the game is played....

Hollerrr (and click pic or link below)

M/F/K: A Tribe Called Quest [Grantland]

Saturday, July 09, 2011

My Conversation with Biz Markie

Many, many years ago I had a chat with Biz Markie. He had some situation going on with a girl he met on tour, so that dominated the conversation. Here's the transcript:

Biz: Have you ever met a girl that you tried to date, but a year to make love she wanted you to wait? 

TAN: a year? no way, that's ridiculous. 

Biz: Let me tell ya a story of my situation. I was talking to this girl from the u.s. nation

TAN: uh, ok, yeah I feel you, I've only messed with US girls too. But the foreign chicks do intrigue me... 

Biz: The way that I met her was on tour at a concert. She had long hair and a short miniskirt. 

TAN: So? Well, I guess it is better than short hair and a long skirt?

Biz: I just got off stage dripping, pouring with sweat. I was walking through the crowd and guess who I met? I whispered in her ear, "come to the picture booth, so I can ask you some questions to see if you're 100 proof" 

TAN: picture booth? 

B: I asked her her name, she said blah-blah-blah 

T: word. How'd she look? 

B: She had 9/10 pants and a very big bra 

T: holla! 

B: I took a couple of flicks and she was enthused. I said, how do you like the show? She said, I was very amused. I started throwing bass, she started throwing back mid-range But when I sprung the question, she acted kind of strange. 

T: What'd you ask her? 

B: Then when I asked, do ya have a man, she tried to pretend she said, "no I don't, I only have a friend."

T: oh dude, i don't know. that sounds a little sketchy ... 

B: Come on, I'm not even going for it. This is what I'm going to sing ... 

T: wait, you're gonna sing? 

B: You, you got what I need but you say he's just a friend And you say he's just a friend, oh baby you, got what I need but you say he's just a friend. But you say he's just a friend, oh baby you, got what I need but you say he's just a friend. But you say he's just a friend 

T: uhhhh ... 

B: So I took blah-blahs word for it at this time. I thought just having a friend couldn't be no crime. Cause I have friends and that's a fact, like agnes, agatha, jermaine, and jack. 

T: Agnes? Agatha? You maybe have one friend with those names, definitely not two.

B: Forget about that, lets go into the story. About a girl named blah-blah-blah that adored me. 

T: from what you've said, it didn't sound like she "adored" you. She said, "very amused?" who even says that?

B: So we started talking, getting familiar. Spending a lot of time so we can build a relationship, or some understanding. How its gonna be in the future we was planning. 

T: damn, you moving kind of fast son! 

B: Everything sounded so dandy and sweet. I had no idea I was in for a treat. 

T: word? 

B: After this was established, everything was cool. 

T: oh, ok. 

B: The tour was over and she went back to school. 

T: kinda young, huh? 

B: I called every day, to see how she was doing. Every time that I called her, it seemed something was brewing. I called her and a guy picked up, and then I called again. I said, yo, who was that? 

T: what'd she say? 

B: "oh, he's just a friend." 

T: nahh yo! 

B: Don't gimme that, don't even gimme that. yo bust this ... 

T: are you gonna sing again? 

B: You, you got what I need but you say he's just a friend And you say he's just a friend, oh baby you, got what I need but you say he's just a friend But you say he's just a friend, oh baby you, got what I need but you say he's just a friend But you say he's just a friend 

T: Why are you singing? Did someone say you can sing?! [pause] it is kind of catchy though... 

B: So I came to her college on a surprise visit. To see my girl that was so exquisite. 

T: Oh this is bad. surprise visits are never a good look. Also, a lot of hype for a 9/10 pants girl, just sayin'.  

B: It was a school day, I knew she was there. The first semester of the school year. 

T: good detective work!  

B: I went to a gate to ask where was her dorm. This guy made me fill out a visitors form. He told me where it was and I was on my way. To see my baby doll, I was happy to say. 

T: yo, I can't believe you went to her dorm. this is just some college girl who came to your show, right ...?

B: I arrived in front of the dormitory. Yo, could you tell me where is door three? 

T: ... it's also weird you had to fill out the form before getting to the dorm. such weird security. Was this NYU? 

B: They showed me where it was, for the moment. I didn't know I was in for such an event. So I came to her room and opened the door. Oh, snap! guess what I saw? 

T: what??!!? 

B: A fella tongue-kissing my girl in the mouth, I was so in shock my heart went down south. 

T: damn, that sucks. but at least he wasn't penis-sexing your girl in the butt! 

B: So please listen to the message that I say. Don't ever talk to a girl who says she just has a friend.  

T: word. 

Related Posts with Thumbnails