Choosing between Kanye and 50 Cent is not just about record sales, it's a choice we have to make in all sorts of scenarios: Do we need the more physically imposing, alpha-masculine 50 Cent, or do we want thoughtful, in-touch-with-his-femine-side, meta-metrosexual Kanye? There's pros and cons to each, so lets put the Kanye vs. 50 Cent challenge to some tests outside of record sales:
In the supermarket: Having an intimidating presence is helpful at the supermarket. People won't dare skip you in line, and they may even let you go in front of them if you rip your shirt off and perform a song like Amusement Park. If you're the more stylish Kanye, you might have a better chance of charming the market person, but muscles are just as sweet as brains to a girl who has nothing but a cash register to look forward to. In the end, I say physical intimidation is the surest bet to get what you want in most supermarket scenarios. Winner: 50
I mentioned this before, but Julius Lester, 68, black jew, distinguished award winning author of 35 books, has a blog. I'm amazed. And as an Older Black Jewish Blogger, does that not totally create a hole in the ozone?
And its amazing how well he fits the profile. Take this from the FAQ on his website:
Q. Do you make a lot of money?
A. The majority of writers do not make a lot of money from writing. If you want to make a lot of money, you shouldn't be a writer.
Q. Do you enjoy writing?
A. Yes, but writing is very, very hard work. When I am working on a book I write about three hours a day and if I write three pages in that three hours, that is a good day's work. Writing is hard because you must rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. There are pages in some of my books that were rewritten more than 20 times. You must rewrite until the words say exactly what you want them to say. That is not as easy as it may sound.
Q. Do you use a computer when you write?
A. Yes! I love computers!!
See? Now where you see "writing" substitute "blogging", and take out all that stuff about hard work and rewriting... and voila! A Power Blogger is born.
But you know how old-schoolers refuse to use our new lingo — and in the case of "blog," who can argue — so he calls it a "commonplace book":
Commonplace books began in 15th century England. They were used as scrapbooks and contained anything a person wanted/needed to remember -- recipes, medical remedies, sayings, etc. No two commonplace books are the same because each reflects the person keeping it.
Of course anyone who in '68 titled a book Look Out, Whitey! Black Power's Gon' Get Your Mama!, or has written a novel about slavery for teens entirely in dialogue, should be able to call their electronic scrapbook whatever they like. A Commonplace Book [Julius Lester Blog]
"And as a matter of fact, I was right. That's part of the dilemma of being an american negro. That one is a little bit colored, and a little bit white. And not only in physical terms, but in the head and in the heart. And there are days when you wonder ... what your role is in this country, and what your future is in it."
You probably saw this on I Love The 80s Strikes Black, but there's a nice NY Times interview from everyone's favorite year, 1984, between Baldwin and Julius Lester (who at 68 years of age -- how old is that in negro years? -- has a blog!). Here's a nice snippet:
I'm still waiting for the white writer to write a novel about a lynching from the point of view of the lyncher.
Yes, I quite agree with you. I said before that America's effort to avoid the presence of black people constricts American literature. It creates a trap white writers find themselves in.
We were talking about white writers as witnesses and you alluded to Mailer. How do you see Mailer?
Well, Mailer is something I've been desperately trying to avoid. (Laughs) All I can say is that - well, one of the hazards of being an American writer, and I'm well placed to know it, is that eventually you have nothing to write about. A funny thing happens on the way to the typewriter. There is a decidedly grave danger of becoming a celebrity, of becoming a star, of becoming a personality. Again, I'm very well placed to know that. It's symptomatic of the society that doesn't have any real respect for the artist. You're either a success or a failure and there's nothing in between. And if you are a success, you run the risk that Norman has run and that I run, too, of becoming a kind of show business personality. Then the legend becomes far more important than the work. It's as though you're living in an echo chamber. You hear only your own voice. And, when you become a celebrity, that voice is magnified by multitudes and you begin to drown in this endless duplication of what looks like yourself. You have to be really very lucky, and very stubborn, not to let that happen to you. It's a difficult trap to avoid. And that's part of Norman's dilemma, I think. A writer is supposed to write. If he appears on television or as a public speaker, so much the better or so much the worse, but the public persona is one thing. On the public platform or on television, I have to sound as if I know what I'm talking about. It's antithetical to the effort you make at the typewriter, where you don't know a damned thing. And you have to know you don't know it. The moment you carry the persona to the typewriter, you are finished. Does that answer your question?
No, but it's an eloquent evasion.
Is it? But I don't want to talk about Norman! Why should I talk about Norman? I'm very fond of him and have great respect for his gifts. Well, perhaps he's a perfect example of what it means to be a white writer in this century, a white American writer in this country. It affords too many opportunities to avoid reality. . . . And I know much more about Norman than I'm willing to say in print. After all, I care about him.
I respect that, but I'd like to pursue it from another angle.
A friend of mine and I were debating who we'd rather be, Derek Jeter or Jay-Z. And somehow it seemed there was merit in going through the pantheon of assimilated negroes and determining who you prefer. So on occasion, we will do just that. Consider it the search for America's Top Assimilated Negro. Here are some of the key variables in the matchup of "The Captain" vs. "The President"
Physical Attraction Jeter is younger and certainly more of the model type. As the pro athlete he's also in better shape, and the better bet to live longer. Jeter looks like the product of a fancy multicultural marriage, Jay looks like he's from the projects. Granted he's cleaned himself up nice, but it's telling that when it came time for battle Nas immediately went for the jugular with repeated attacks on Jay's questionable physical appeal. Jay does sometimes comes across as the late blooming ugly kid who wasn't treated nice by the girlies, but now is rich so it doesn't matter.
Edge: Jeter
Professional Jeter got the 2nd richest contract in sports history, and he's the face of the game, but he's not going to match duckets with Jay. Jeter's got Gatorade, Jay's got Budweiser. Jeter has Driven, Jay has Rocawear. Sean Dot is clearly just more aggressive with the business plan.
There's also an interesting difference in lifestyle. Both are public performers and gain a lot of celebrity from their profession. But Hov has the 24-7, 365 job while Jeter's work is concentrated between April and October. Sort of a tough call, but ...
Edge: Jay
Ladies Jay's got, perhaps, the hottest chick in the game wearing his chain. And if he's hitting Rihanna pon de replay, that's not a bad mistress. But still, who's really effing with Jeter? He lives in the average man's fantasy world: Biel, Johansson, Minnillo, Alba, Brewster. Those come after he broke in with Mariah when she was young and hot, and former Miss Universe Lara Dutton. Simply an impeccable resume. We're not even gonna talk about it anymore.
Edge: Jeter
Steez Jeter comes across a little jockish, and he hasn't looked good during the ARod fiasco; seems like he can be an asshole sometimes. But also seems like he's trying to protect his personal life. If he could poke fun of himself on SNL (in one sketch Jeter says of himself, "Jeter looks like The Rock had sex with a Muppet") Jay always seems cool, though sometimes his coolness reaches to the point of pretense.
Edge: Jay
Conclusion All in all this feels like a classic matchup of Model/Jock type versus Cool Everyman. Jeter has natural looks and physical stuff going for him, but Jay may be the guy you'd rather chill and have drinks with. That said I think Jeter wins his categories by a more decisive margin, so he gets the overall victory in a close matchup.
Choosing between Kanye and 50 Cent is not just about record sales, it's a choice we have to make in all sorts of scenarios: Do we need the more physically imposing, alpha-masculine 50 Cent, or do we want thoughtful, in-touch-with-his-femine-side, meta-metrosexual Kanye? There's pros and cons to each, so lets put the Kanye vs. 50 Cent challenge to some tests outside of record sales:
