Friday, May 05, 2006

Even Miss Universes Get A Little Boring

Your Assimilated Negro hero and mine, Derek Jeter, has been written about on this blog before. I even wrote something about his mail situation. And I just happened to turn on Mike & The Mad Dog today, they were interviewing Rick Reilly, and he relayed an amusing story about the great Jeter.

So Rick and Jeter are talking. And Jeter, as one might expect, has all this mail piled up that he hasn't looked at. Reilly is fishing for a potential story and tells Jeter, "look, you're not going to be able to open all this mail. Let me do it for you, see if there's anything interesting, and if I find anything I'll run it by you."

So Jeter agrees. And Reilly goes through the mail. It takes him all day to go through this huge bag of mail. And there's mail from all sort of crazy people, sending all sorts of crazy things. But the thing Reilly notices is a letter from a Miss Universe winner. Reilly tells Jeter, "Hey man, there's a lot of junk here, but you have what looks like a legit letter from a Miss Universe."

Jeter, who dated former Miss Universe Lara Dutta, says, "Rick, I am not going down that Miss Universe road again..."

Only the great Derek can "go down the Miss Universe road" multiple times, let alone get tired of it.


  1. Ha ha. It makes my boycott of musicians and poets sound so lame.

  2. poo Jeter.
    He looks like a smaller version of The Rock. I don't get the appeal for either eyebrow plucked, back waxed, glamour shotted hardly pretty boy.
    Where's a good Ken Huckaby slide to give D.Jete a lil' time to catch up on his mailbag?

    Let's go Red Sox!
    clap clap clapclapclap

  3. Sorry, dude. You had my RSS feed until I read the opening line, "Your Assimilated Negro hero and mine, Derek Jeter..."

    I really can't respect anyone who looks up to/admires/wants to date this overrated phony toolshed.

    Want the proof? 4 facts.

    1. Check out any analysis of Jeter's defense by a Bill James devotee (he's average to below average, with little range).

    2.The obvious fact that he hogs short while the best shortstop is forced to play 3rd. This from a man who supposedly is "all about the team." Yeah, if her were all about the team, he'd have his average ass at 2nd or 3rd.

    3. The fact that the NY media covers up his rather wild lifestyle by projecting the in-bed-by-10 image, the same way they covered up for Joe Dimaggio. He's known to nail teammate's girlfriends and other indiscretions with women of low repute (i.e. pornstars, Playboy bunnies, etc.). I really hate that shit; not the being wild part, because I'd respect him if he were honest. No, the cover-up and pretend he's a drinks-his-milk-andsays-his-prayers bull.

    4. If one more person calls him clutch, I puke. Yeah, if I had 14000000 at bats in a wildly overexpaned post-season, chances are I'd win a game or two with a luck tap. He's nothing more than an above-average (but not great) hitter with a myriad of opportunities to become a hero.

    Corollary: Miss Universe can suck it, I'm off beauty pageant contestants now as well.

  4. Whatever, Jeter rocks. My humble ass has been trying to go down the Miss Georgia road ONCE. You can say what you want about Jeter, but he didn't get his ass kicked by Varitek like A-Rod did.

  5. Anonymous5/08/2006

    yo TAN, what's up with the bartending muse. I was using your story to inspire me to talk to my own "bartending muse." what's the deal?


Related Posts with Thumbnails