Dear TAN: Are Tattooed Epithets Hot?

I once started a neverending interview, but now we're switching to a "Dear TAN" feature. Send your questions/letters to theassimilatednegro [at] gmail [dot] com.

In this edition: N-Word Tattoos!

Dear TAN,

So my friend has this tattoo. It's your rather traditional heart banner tattoo, y'know, the kinda thing that normally says "Mom" on it, except his doesn't say "Mom", it says "My Niggaz" (In the same font as NWA's Second Album).

He's white.

He claims that the only unfortunate situation he could run into with this tattoo is if he ever wound up in prison, however, I say that he's more or less resigned himself to never being able to score with the hot black girls, because the second the pants come off and they see that on his thigh, it might as well be a big ol' bucket of cold water being dumped on her. He respectfully disagrees. Problem is, both of us being ignorant crackers, neither of us really can speak with a voice of authority on this.

So I now have been putting the question to all my favorite people of color in my life (and as much as I love your blog, I had to ask you.) If you met a nice looking white girl, took her back to your place, clothes come off, and she has a "My Niggaz" heart banner tattoo, do you (in the parlance of our times) stay the course, or cut and run?

Again, love your stuff, keep up the good work.
--
Jackson S. O'Brien
Expert

~~

Dear Jackson,

What a wonderful letter! This kind of note helps keep me regular; it's like Racism Bran, chock full with two scoops of racism. Delicious!

So. There are a few things here. Let's enumerate.

1. White dude with a "My Niggaz" tattoo: First off, any person of any race with a tattoo that says "my niggaz" is -- to be kind -- difficult to take seriously. For one, the tattoo itself sort of makes no sense. If you were in a crew, or gang, or some other organized pack of ne'er-do-wells with a name, that could work. "Thug Life", for example. Or if you want to name or do some drawing of specific "niggaz". But "my niggaz" basically translates to "my friends", and who would tattoo that? It's too general and lame. Tattoo cachet is enhanced by specificity. And I'm not even going to get into the heart banner part of it.

That said, I wouldn't feel compelled to fire 50 shots at a white guy just cause he had that particular tattoo. Of course, I'm not one to get riled up over the n-word, or any word, so it's not to say he might not catch bruises from someone. I do think he's running some risk. But obviously he's "thought" about it (gotta air-quote there for reasons stated in prevous graf), so if he feels strongly enough to man up to the consequences, may god, and his niggaz, bless him.

What's done is done, but if he was just considering the tattoo I would tell him to wait and see if Obama gets elected. If Obama is in, there will be a lot more leeway and tolerance for ignorant ish like that.

By the way, does he know that NIGGAZ stands for Never Ignorant Getting Goals Accomplished. Plus a "Z" for... "huh??". I think Tupac confused acronym with antonym.

Also, I can't believe someone who reads TAN has a friend with the tattoo you describe. Is it ironic? I guess it is a joke that never gets old. I kind of want to hang out with you guys. My niggaz, if you will.

Moving on ...

2. Do hot black girls sleep with idiots?: In my experience hotness trumps ethnic differences. Which is to say while black girls do different things than asian girls who do different things than american white girls; hot is hot, and any hot chick is empowered to do most anything she damn well pleases. Again, as per the first paragraph, I would think your friend is already resigned to not scoring with hot chicks of any sort. Certainly not sober ones. Or ones who can see/read. But mediocre, drunk, blind/illiterate ... my guess is they wouldn't care much.

Honestly, I don't think it matters much with the lady. Sure, you bring that to a Jill Scott/Erykah Badu kind of sistah, and you'll probably have to call Tyrone to save your ass. But a hipster assimilated negress who doesn't care much for the neo-soul sensibility, you should be all good. Well aside from being a dude with an urban translation of "my friends" tattooed somewhere on your body.

3. Does TAN sleep with hot, possibly racist, white girls?: Now as for me ... firstly, for some reason a hot girl with a tattoo sounds a lot more palatable than a hot guy. There's a lot more irony and subtextual intelligence for a female to have a "my niggaz" tattoo than a dude. Or maybe there's just a lot more irony and subtextual intelligence in vaginas in general. Either way, me personally, I would probably have a celebration and ask the girl to marry me on the spot. Any white girl with the balls to do that -- provided she didn't really have balls -- is the unique independent-minded kind of lady I need in my life blog. We could even get his and her "my niggaz" tats, or 4-finger rings or any other urban lifestyle symbol she wanted to appropriate. I'd be down for whatever, knahmean?

Secondly ... I don't know, still fantasizing about the firstly. I guess secondly is if I get a picture of a girl with a "my niggaz" tattoo in my inbox, then you, Jackson Obrien, will be myni**a4life.

Word.

-TAN