Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Cheetos Grow On Trees

This is not breaking news here, but I'm incredibly amused by the "Natural Cheetos" bag.

First off all, I'm always amazed at the gall and audacity of ad/marketing people to completely ignore the notion of consumer intelligence. I think I believe in people too much to hold that type of gig down; one where you'd have an exchange like this:

Ad Boss: Sooooo Cheetos everyone. We need a new spark on that line. What can we do?

Ad Crony #1: We could make Chester the Cheetah rap and dance some more.

Ad Boss: That's good. But we got black people on lock already, just off the cheesy crunchy goodness. So no need to belabor them.

Ad Crony #2: Hmmm, we could make the cheese different colors. Like purple or green.

Ad Boss: Ummm ... maybe. But that might be a turn off. I'll consider it for the holidays though.

Ad Crony #3: We could just make a "Natural" line of Cheetos. It'd be a total lie, obviously Cheetos don't grow on trees, or come from the ground. You'd have to be retarded to think otherwise. In fact, a cheeto is quite possibly the quintessence of artificiality ... but hey, everyone loves "natural" and "organic" these days.

Ad Boss: You're right! People are retarded! "Natural Cheetos" ... ha. Brilliant! Let's do it!

and ... scene

Anycheese, they also added an ear of corn to the bottom. Which I don't get. Are we so strung out on US Farm Americana imagery that all we need to see is an ear of corn on the package to greenlight ingestion? Do they put corn graphics on hot dogs and ice cream also? Or maybe they're just suckering retarded Fritos™ devotees as well? Does anyone get Cheetos for a corn-flavored fix? Why is it not a block of cheese used as the dishonest "natural" graphic?

oh, I see now the first ingredient listed is "organic corn." Ok, that settles that.

Anyways, off to go fill my RDA of vitamins and minerals with a nice big bowl of Cheetos. Taste good, and good for you too.


  1. Is the milk organic also? I know that's gotta give the bubble guts.Black people already have enough trouble digesting milk, or is that just my fam??

  2. Anonymous10/02/2007

    I always thought them shits was roots. Come to find they make them out of corn... Damn.

    I know black people who are literally addicted to the spicy ones. CRACK.

  3. I really got into a heated debate with a girl in one of my classes a while back, because she thought that KRAFT cheese was real cheese.

  4. ever noticed how products that are supposed to be healthy, organic, or natural are always in bags with a matte finish? kettle chips, the lays natural line, etc. is there something about a shiny metallic bag that means fatty mcnasty?

  5. They put corn/corn syrup into everything these days (they've got surplus corn). Next time you're at the store, just grab random labels and look. You'll be shocked (SHOCKED!) for approximately one second. Then the cheesy, crunchy goodness will take over your mind.

    P.S. I can't speak for other people, but I am indeed retarded.

  6. Terrible -- "cornographic", if you will. Hiyo!

  7. I beg to differ with you, but here in Texas I have seen Cheetos on trees. Actually, it about that time to go harvest the cheetos before the birds get them all....dems some good eats.

    I have not seen the new packaging. Thanks. Now you got me wanting White Cheddar Cheetos. I wonder how they taste.

  8. I know that the concept is obviously retarded and illogical, but they are seriously delicious. All the guilty goodness of Cheetos, but BETTER. And the "Natural" Cheetos don't give me a stomach ache, either.

    P.S. This isn't Britney Spears, I swear. And trust me, they really are amazing, albeit extremely overpriced.


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