True Negro Confessions: A Tribe Called Quest

Gawker's been in a little bit of flux lately, so I haven't been able to transition out of Ghetto Pass as smoothly as I would have liked. But today I introduce the new thing: True Negro Confessions.

The graphic/illustration here was done by my homey Brandon Bolt. Today's introductory episode involves me talking to a "Blipster" about his dislike of A Tribe Called Quest:

I started collecting data on these Blipsters, but one in particular gave me a lot more than I bargained for. I visited him at his home, and discovered in his case the problem ran much deeper than being black and enjoying Nirvana. Sitting in his living room, I found out this guy also likes Bloc Party. YIKES! I immediately turned on the tv and flipped to BET to try and stabilize the environment. But THEN it got even worse when he told me another incredible race-defying confession:I Don't Like A Tribe Called Quest ...

So take a read and let me know what you think.

Ghetto Pass: True Negro Confessions 1 [Gawker]

The Assimilation Exchange: Now Illustrated!!

Brandon, the indomitable illustrator imself, gave me something for the Cracka Crackdown!! feature on TAN.

So after doing The Ass-Ex, I asked him if he had any ideas for that, and I think he nailed down another classic.


Brandon, Fearless Illustrator [loosenut studio]
The Assimilation Exchange [TAN]
Cracka Crackdown!! [TAN]

Cracka CrackDown! - The Pandemic Rages On

More sightings of "ironic rap" (iro-rap, i-raps, rony-rap?) (maybe spoof hip-hop, spip-hop?) (crackers rapping, crack-raps?), these two were sent in by fellow concerned citizens.

The first is a more biblical take on the Sir MixAlot classic "Baby Got Back." Spotted by Emily, it's called:

Baby Got Book

*sigh*

Then we have another you-tuber, Jamie Kennedy & Co. in "Rolling with Saget"



If you are caucasian, and you have never tried rapping before, I hereby advise you to get yourself vaccinated immediately.

Cracka Crackdown! - The ASS-EX [TAN]
Cracka Crackdown! - The Eminettes!!! [TAN]

Do All Caucasian Females Secretly Desire To Be Black Rappers, Or Just These Girls?

This trend of ANYONE rapping is really getting interesting.

Perhaps you've seen this, perhaps not, but here's a woman spitting a hot traffic-report freestyle.






So the question is, do you trade lacrosse in harlem parking lots for every rhythmless spaz taking at stab at the microphone?

The Assimilation Exchange. Forget AMEX, it's all about ASS-EX. Does the ASS-EX favor negro or caucasian? Tempting to say negro. We do get to share in the laugh on Jodie and the Eminettes and gain a sport. But some [of us] may be like I TAKE THIS HIP HOP SHIT SERIOUS SON!! This is the cost of mainstream appeal. Feels like your converting a nice balanced meal into popcorn and candy. More people may buy it, but is it good?

Who knows? I just highlight the words and make the links.

Ladies & Germs I Present , The Eminettes!!! [TAN]
You Kids Go Play In That Parking Lot. Yeah, The One With The Cars [TAN]

More TAN-Toons!!!

Brandon has done four more toons, based on suggestions listed in the previous post ... I think they're all pretty amusing. But I'll post my two favorites here, and you can check out the other two on his site.



The Cracka Crackdown really feels like it's getting enough legs to stand as a regular feature.



and of course, Dear Average-Sized Penis, part of the TAN Classic Edition ... and by the way I do have to take great pains to get those six hairs on my booty perfectly straight.

UPDATE: I've added the other two toons here below.

The IDGAF Shirt

Sex On Shrooms

Brandon: Illustrious Illustrator
Coming Soon: TAN Toons [TAN]

Coming Soon: TAN-Toons

My boy Brandon has been sending me ideas on a TAN cartoon character. Putting a couple up for feedback ... tell me if you likey the direction???

TAN-style means your shirt always matches with your coffee cup

TAN grabs the mic ... and a bagel sandwich?

drinking while peeing ... HOLLA!

Brandon Bolt - Fearless Cartoon Illustrator