Looks Like Someone Put Something in Katie Couric's Drank

I dare you to deny your love for some Katie Couric after seeing photos of her getting her freak on...

surreal... but ooh, looks like Katie was the one that got the party started also

yo, she's backing that thang up and erything!

seriously is she, like, bogling and doing the butterfly?!!? work those legs, katie!!!

I'm putting my money on it being Weezy that's responsible for this Moment of Assimilated Genius ...

pics via: gawk

Are Models Destroying Print Media?

story by on Bar Rafaeli [Esquire]

And Here's the Pitch for 'Jeggings'...

hmmm, looks like three strikes and YOU'RE OUT, "JEGGINGS".

The Most Powerful Muscle in Human Advertising is the Female Ass-Crack

My boy Copyranter gets cheeky with a couple new entries from his Ass-vertising beat. It really is amazing the power of a female ass crack to generate commerce, good will, scientific formulas etc. Mostly, though, I'm just glad I don't need to wear what's-tighter-than-skin-tight jeans to look hot.




Of course ass-imprints are nothing new. I think this is an old Levis ad.


Damn, makes me want to go buy a back-pocket RIGHT NOW! Hmmm, I also need shoes. Can someone sell me some nice shoes.


Yeah, that's a nice shoe. Just what I was looking for. And it's cool, I only need one. (I also like this ad because it's so obviously aiming for "classy." Bullseye!)


This one above I don't even know what they're trying to sell me. I guess a bridge or something? Whatever it is: SOLD! I would indeed like to buy the bridge that leads me to Perfect Asstopia Shangri-La-Heavenville.

What's I find amazing, artistically speaking -- after all, when we speak of ass-vertising, we speak of art! -- is how creative art/visual direction can make gratuitous ass usage feel, i don't know, OK! I mean, you could use that frilly-laced ass as a centerpiece on your family thanksgiving dinner table. It's beautiful! In contrast, American Apparel are the masters of finding the perv line and crossing it.




That last one, really?!!? That has to be illegal. And there is a definitely a woman crying somewhere at the sight of it. Who approves that?

Anyarse, these are just a few shots culled from the Copyranter assvertising collection. So go there for further research and analysis. In the meanwhile, I've developed an odd hankering for hiking boots. So I'm gonna go scratch that itch.

Madonna's New Girl Is Kinda Hot

And she might have more cadonkadonk than Biel.


Guess it might be time to let that J-train leave the station, and clear out room for the Amber-Phatty Express.

via: Yeezy

Underground Rappers Finally Learning How to Sell Albums in America

No disrespect to Big Pooh of Little Brother, but there's little question he's got a steep hill ahead of him trying to move copies of his album without Phonte or 9th Wonder.

Time to break out the big guns then:


now that's a mixtape i can get behind! if you know what i'm saying! well, DO YOU????

Prince Paul knows what i'm talking about.

via: Bol

Dear Christina Applegate

"Christina Applegate, you gotta put me on..."

Who knew that legendary PM Dawn quotable about you would be so prescient?

Miss Bonita Applegate, you probably already know you have eternal TAN-cachet just off that ridiculously random hip hop reference, but I'm writing this letter to say I think you deserve dap of the highest order for being one of the few bombshells truly getting better with time.

As it turns out, your Kelly Bundy character was one of the more iconic ditzy-blonde-bimbo performances in the last 10-20+ years (wow, hard to believe it's been over 20 years since that show debuted). Kelly is/was possibly THE template for Trashy Teenage Trollop, and as The Sweetest Thing and Anchorman later showed, 'twas also the work of an actress with serious comedic skills:



But yesterday you raised the stakes by going on Good Morning America and letting folks know the results of your recent struggle with breast cancer. And since it's not too often you get to see a sex symbol, in her prime, talking about removing their first line of offense/defense via double mastectomy, I wanted to salute you. That move takes serious brass balls tacks, uh, labia-flaps.

Now you're 100% cancer-free and undergoing reconstructive surgery, so maybe we won't even know the difference next time we see you? But just in case things aren't the same -- and banking on your generous sense of humor -- I thought a couple clips capturing vintage usage of "the artists formerly known as your boobs" would be appropriate to celebrate. This is for the left:



and this tamer one is for the right:



Cameron Diaz & Christina Applegate - video powered by Metacafe

Good Luck,

TAN

Post-Racial Is Not PostModern

Well this is apropos of nothing, but -- well it might be a little apropos of white journalists everywhere raising their hand saying they got a little something on "postracial america".

So yeah, it's been great reading about post-racial this and that, I don't have to wear Karl Kani anymore etc. etc. But while it's cool that some brothers and sisters are using the premise to get themselves a byline and all, the proliferation of the term within a mostly white media establishment feels a little weird.

I suspect it's because we treat "post-racial" like it's "postmodern". So instead of "modernity/modernism" we're past/post "race". Both of them being these social/intellectual constructs we created.

But here's the problem: "We" didn't create nothing. This is all some white ish.

Look: "race as a social construct" is a brain-nugget that came from a white person. Period. Ain't no old slave-timey Wendy Williams start that little rumor. A black person is black, and if you get him to say he's a construct it's because you also got him to pay some $200K to "learn theyself sumthin'."

When I got one of my first Assimilated Badges by getting pubbed on McSweeneys, I was so excited to get my Eggers Stripes that I threw on my Timz and white t-shirt and found a gypsy cab to take me straight to Harlem (turns out I lived there, but I still took the cab). Then I got out and told all my ghetto hood crack-slingin' black friends about my achievement:

The Assimilated Negro (TAN): Look! McSweeney's ran my 'Objective Perspective on Black History" bit. Dude, isn't that awesome.

Just Another Negro (JAN): Mc-who? And don't be callin' me dude, n.

TAN: McSweeeeneys. Dave Eggers? Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. Duh.

JAN: *slings some crack*

TAN: whatever. you don't know because you're too busy listening to the rap music and stealing iphones, but this means a lot to the people who run this country.

JAN: Con Edison and Child Support run my family, fam.

TAN: hmph. look, i posted this on my blog so i'm gonna go check my email in the Starbucks real quick. I'll brb.

JAN: *slings some crack*

TAN: ok. back. I can't believe you guys aren't giving me any love on the McSweeneys move.

JAN: look TAN, we up on McSweeneys. Alright? But honestly we just don't give a f about some website doing ish like, "Interview With A White Pot Who Calls Kettles 'Whatever The Hell He Feels Like Calling Them'". Or whatever other nonsense they do.

JAN2: Ha. Yeah, McSweeneys be like "early bird gets the worm" and I be like "early bird gets the white worm cause them the only mofos who show up early" hahahaha. Send that to McSweeneys, n.

TAN: McSweeneys don't be like anything... although they might actually go for something like that.

JAN: Yeah we know, but it's not our bag. Congrats though, TAN. Keep doing your thing, god. We'll do ours.

TAN: ok. so can I take off these timz and put back on my flip-flops?

JAN: yeah, son.

TAN: can i also put on some Feist

JAN2: yeah, i actually like Feist also.

JAN3: yo, I would f the ish out of Feist. She could get it.

TAN: true. ok. I'm gonna go now.

annnd ... scene

Look, I like the cauc postmodern humor. I love it even. I think its very funny. Stuff like Demetri Martin. Soooo cuuute. And it's real nice to have in the DVR list when you bring your hipster chick back to the crib and want things to get a little, um, postracial.

But I also know that if I didn't go to a private prep school and a New England liberal arts college I would have no appreciation for it. It's a sensibility I grew into. Black people (and other minos) have to go to school and learn (earn?) a ticket aboard the train of indulgent-thoughts. We have to cultivate that air of entitlement. We are not born with the same sense of Seinfeldian smug.

The humor of the idle mind is an acquired taste, and it's acquired through -- wait for it -- being idle. Going to college and not having real concerns about $ and food and getting in trouble for doing drugs. It's nice, every person deserves some time to themselves to think about, say, what their toenail might say to a real nail. Bound to be hilarious if you marinate with it long enough.

But these postracial/postmodern articles are so self-serious. And here's the thing: if you're at a cocktail party and someone starts getting serious about "postmodernism", you know they're full of ish. White people may indulge, Black people may indulge, but everyone knows they're just showing off their edumacation.

A word like 'postmodern" is the equivalent of liberal-arts bling. Deconstructionism, b*tches! You flash it, but you don't really need to. You never need to. You can either philosophize like a human, very simply: love. sex. hate. men. women. race. intelligence. peace. war. education. science. technology. Whatever you want. But there's no sentence in the world that contains the word "postmodern" that couldn't be rephrased more simply.

Take it from someone who will drop the term at first brush of a blonde-girl's hair against the behind of the horse on my polo shirt.

But i went to school and spent was given a lot of money so i could make my bullish sound hot and use big words to coax upwardly mobile women into sleeping with me. Poaching smart chicks is one of my sole luxury vices, and I own it.

Anyramble, this is all to say that a lot of these articles are conflating postracial and postmodernism and it cheapens the impact of identifying this moment in time as some sort of new era. There is something amiss, but postracial as defined by postmodernists is the same quaker oatmeal y'all been spooning to us for sometime now. And I'm not eating it, dammit!

If you want to call it something I say call it "Post Abiding-by-alot-of-white-bullish". Cause that's what postmodernism is, white bullish. And that's what most these articles are talking about when they use the term postracial.

And I also have to point out that of course postracial isn't really about Obama, but all about 2050. That's when we'll get to dictate the smartypants jargon up in this piece.

Postmodernists, prepare yourselves.

holla.

coulter
postmodern

Kibbles 'n Bits 'n Bits 'n Bits ...

... now in roasted chicken, tangy beef, and fresh vag varieties!


mmmm ... smells delicious!

(man, I love the Germans.)

via: Copyranter