Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Fellas, Don't Rape Anyone In China Next Month

So an anti-rape device invented over a year ago is going to be mass-produced in China next month.

The device is likened to a female condom, except instead of smooth lubricating oils and jellies, it has 25 fish-like-teeth that will attach on to the penis of any would-be rapist or unsuspecting lover. OUCH!

Of course there is some debate over the product. For one, does it actually prevent rape? Seems like a woman would have to wear a decal on her ass or something, like home security alarms, that alert potential predators to the fact that breaking-and-entering into this vijay-jay will leave you with spikes in painful places.

For two, what about the angry wife or jealous girlfriend? We all know women can get a little irrational at times, and I know plenty of ladies that would take the opportunity to teach me a lesson even if the punishment far outweighed my crime of showing up late for dinner. Such a device may be too dangerous in the hands of women.

And aside from intentional use, there's also the chance a woman could forget she's wearing it. After all, it can't be great fun removing the jaws-of-death every time you go out, so I'm sure some girls would just keep it in there forever.

Rapex (the name of the product) is apparently unable to be removed without the aid of a surgeon, so it does help in terms of identifying rapists. Just look for the guy hunched over in agonizing pain talking about barbed wire on his wee-wee. That pain is supposed to give a victim the chance to escape, but some speculate it might cause more problems as the assaulter might just start wailing on her while he tries to figure out where the vaginal barracuda came from.

So this has been discussed around the internet over the past year, but now it's hitting the market. And presumably everyone should know about it. Girls thinking about getting raped (no one told you to wear that hot short skirt and knee-high boot ensemble!) may want to try out the protection, and of course guys now have more incentive for foreplay (better your third finger than your third leg). There is a website, where the FAQ is no longer up, but I'm sure they'll have some wonderful testimonials posted soon.

Good Luck!


  1. Hmm,

    Irrational huh? Yep you will be the first victim of this contraption you keep calling us crazy in no uncertain terms. Good luck with that T.A.N. Maybe you can invent a sleeve that is like a male condom that can not be penetrated by this baracuda like contraption. Or maybe we should all just masterbate. Just a thought.

    Ms. Denva
    the 5280 Princess
    "Act like you know."

  2. This contraption was discussed on another forum I read that is largely dominated by males (who may or may not be experts in rape). The general consensus was that unless it completely disabled the attacker, any woman who used this would likely end up dead or close to it. Law of unintended consequences...

    I can't wait until Law & Order does a take on this.

  3. ROTFLMAO!!!!

    On a more serious note, I can see one of two (or both) scenarios happening:

    1. It may prevent rape, but if the man is not completely incapacitated, he can still beat the tar out of the woman;

    2. What's to prevent the would-be assailant from going in the back door, so to speak?? Can Rapex be inserted into your butt, too? We all know that rape is a violent crime, regardless of what orifice is violated. The same physical and psychological trauma can be obtained through other means.

  4. Anonymous4/05/2007

    This product is just a dopey idea plain and simple. It's based on the assumption that vaginal penetration is the sum total of the crime of rape...which it's not. And it seems to imply a baseball-umpire approach to the whole question. (As long as we protect "home plate," to use a tasteless metaphor, somehow a rape doesn't count?)

    I have trouble seeing a market for this product. It seems to have been dreamed up by a clueless male, and persuading women to buy this thing seems to me will be as great a challenge as extricating oneself from its painful jaws.

    A can of pepper spray seems to be a more sensible alternative, as the "jaws of chastity" address the problem far too late in course of things, I believe.

  5. ...did you just say we're irrational?
    ...'cause I think that's what I just read!

    ...then again... I slightly resemble that

  6. tenpin4/06/2007

    Any half intelligent rapist who catches wind of this if it ever catches on will just stick something else up ar first to trip the trap. And then, yah, will be extree mad.

    Also, the faq part of the website is up now.

  7. DaProkah4/09/2007

    This is a practical joke. Right? Tell me it's a practical joke.

  8. Neal Stephenson claims prior art! Read his book Snowcrash, this is a Dentata!

  9. As I am not a fan of rapists, this should be created for all orifices and perhaps should release some awful toxin to incapacitate anything inserted.

    That being said, I don't think the average rapist (stranger variety) is brilliant.


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