Friday, April 13, 2007

People Are From Mars, Racists Are From Venus

The crackdown continues:

Three cheers for justice! Three cheers for nappy-headed hoes!!

It’s reality television come to life!! Dial up your nearest blog and tell them you demand justice!!!

Behold, the perfect victims: The Rutgers women basketball team!

Young, Negro, Tightly-Wound-Curly-Haireded, Scholar Athletes. A roster that promises to hold a young Oprah, a young Tyrah, a young Beyonceh, a young Halleh (in Jungle Fever of course!), a young Hilary Clinton, a young Jessica Biel’s ass; all the things a young African American woman could aspire for in this godforsaken White AmeriK3a.

Behold, the perfect villain: Don Imus!

Old, Wispy-Haired, Ugly, easily mistaken for the face of evil! The craggy-skin embodiment of that most contemptible type of racist: the hickbilly twatwaffle. Every wrinkle a slur, every crevasse a racial epithet!! And caught on youtube (he couldn't even get the video taken down! Pfft!) for all to see him frosting his poundcake of racism with smug chortling (he calls the dessert "Race-Baiters Delight," and it is best served lukewarm). His parter-in-crow, "Jim [redacted]," adding the a la mode, as they tangibly oppressed these women right before our eyes!

Some tried to let it go by. “We don’t even listen to Imus” they cried. The children under forty claimed to not even know who he was.

But by the power of Martin, and Malcolm, and Al, dammit, we didn’t let up. We didn’t say, “see, there’s the man holding us down again,” then go out for lunch and take a nap as black comedians tells us we are wont to do. No, no! We let them silky-haired crackas know. This racial injustice ish is OUR DOMAIN!! THIS IS OUR HOUSE!! AND WE DEMAND SACRIFICE!!!! WE ARE HUNGRY, AND DESIRE TO EAT OF HIS FLESH!! WE LONG TO CHEW UP AND SPIT OUT THIS MAN WHO LOOKS LIKE CAUCASIAN BEEF JERKY!!!

The pasty-faced tribesman were stricken with horror, they didn’t want to kill one of their elders!! One of the legends of broadcasting; an ancient relic with the slick trick of making dollars disappear from the wallets of old white people. Alas, if the tribe was going to survive, the old man had to be left behind.

The Caucasian Tribe Has Spoken: We cast thee out racist!!

But seriously folks …

I learned everything I needed to know in kindergarten when I read this line in the Times:

Mr. Imus, 66, was among the most recognizable voices on radio, and commanded a salary estimated at $10 million a year.


If Don Imus was commanding $10M/year, that ish right there is RACIST! It’s the crime of the century! You don't need to fire him, just pay him minimum wage. Actually if you really want to put oomph behind your words, Mr. Man, go sleep with a fat black woman acknowledge this as an affirmative action move and go full throttle with it. Hire a black DJ to replace Don Imus! Preferably a hoe with kinky hair. And give them, let's say, $1M/year (is there a black DJ making six figures, let alone seven?). If you can't do that, then I guess I can settle for a new VP of Mailroom position (but give the title some teeth!). In this era of reality show transparency, the story of its inception will give you a sizeable ground audience and if you actually pick someone reasonably good they should be able to sustain the show. And voila! Now you're really living The Dream! (Of course I’m presuming there’s a black radio DJ of the Imus caliber out there in the jungles of Africa somewhere.)

Otherwise tell The Man and The Media that I refuse to play in their silly game of Three Race Monty!!

(Oh wait a minute, I LOVE THIS GAME!!)

Ok now someone pass the gravy, these northern-fried Imus drumsticks need some more flavor.

First Responders: Nappy-Headed Hoes (video)
Cracka Crackdown: Nappy-Headed Imus Edition


  1. Anonymous4/13/2007

    I'm going to repost this:

    I can't believe he got fired over this. What a load of shit. The same people who complain about the idiot republicans taking away our rights as americans are championing his firing and not seeing the hypocrisy in it. We have (had) freedom of speech in this country.
    Nonetheless, why isn't sharpton apologising to the families of the Duke Lacrosse players?
    Did anyone read snoop's defense of himself and how when he uses the word ho it's different than Imus using it? I believe he said he was referring to the lowest of the low black women who are "after a niggas money." Am I the only one amused by the stupidity of this entire ordeal? Has everyone become overtly sensitive to everything? Does no one else realize that this is not going to solve anything? Are we living in Soviet Russia?

    Anyway, this whole affair reeks of hypocrisy and conservative ideals. I can't believe anyone who considers themselves a writer or a liberal minded person would support Imus's firing. Its ridiculous. I just lost a lot of respect for TAN.

  2. TAN_luva4/13/2007

    Let this one go, TAN, it's all right (alright?) -- I still love 'ya, baby!

  3. Anonymous4/13/2007

    heresa link to what you should have wrote

  4. Anonymous4/13/2007

  5. To first commenter: No, we don't live in "Communist Russia." Imus's story is about capitalism. As TAN states, he was paid millions of dollars as long as there was an audience for his mean, bigoted provocations. When he made a comment that was stupid, offensive, and well-publicized enough to make enough people speak out in protest, the advertisers pulled out, and he was fired. That's not censorship; it's market forces at work.

    The same is true for some hip-hop artists. As long as people (of all races) buy music laden with racist and sexist epithets, these artists will still have jobs. If I, as an individual, choose not to buy their music, they'll still probably get paid, but at least it won't be from my pocket.

    That's why this episode, as well as the Michael Richards incident, provide an opportunity to reflect on whether our tastes in media and our own means of expressing ourselves reflect our values. If a person doesn't like hearing white folks using racist and sexist slang, perhaps it's time to realize that it is also offensive when black people use it. Sometimes it takes a reflection the Other to see ourselves more clearly. This also is not a matter of censorship, but of individuals being conscious of what message and values they wish to convey.

  6. Black people, savor your victory. You may have won this time, but rest assured -- this isn't the last you'll hear from me! This is only a minor skirmish in a much larger war.

    A mere flesh wound!

    Imus was a simple pawn in a much grander, more diabolical plan -- entirely expendable. I willingly sacrificed him. For every offensive, bigoted, radio host you run off, I have two more at the ready, prepared to to take their place. You've gained nothing. You and your kind struggle in vain.

    I cannot die!

    Resistance is futile; prepare to be [re]assimilated.

  7. Anonymous4/15/2007

    Syndicated radio is crazy profitable- that's why they let him slide for a bizillion years. If there's a radio show that doesn't suck (other than maybe the pay radio stuff), I've never heard it. He got paid $10 million to be less squawky than morning zoo dudes. It's just a matter of sucking less on radio.


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