Three cheers for justice! Three cheers for nappy-headed hoes!!
It’s reality television come to life!! Dial up your nearest blog and tell them you demand justice!!!
Behold, the perfect victims: The Rutgers women basketball team!
Young, Negro, Tightly-Wound-Curly-Haireded, Scholar Athletes. A roster that promises to hold a young Oprah, a young Tyrah, a young Beyonceh, a young Halleh (in Jungle Fever of course!), a young Hilary Clinton, a young Jessica Biel’s ass; all the things a young African American woman could aspire for in this godforsaken White AmeriK3a.
Behold, the perfect villain: Don Imus!
Old, Wispy-Haired, Ugly, easily mistaken for the face of evil! The craggy-skin embodiment of that most contemptible type of racist: the hickbilly twatwaffle. Every wrinkle a slur, every crevasse a racial epithet!! And caught on youtube (he couldn't even get the video taken down! Pfft!) for all to see him frosting his poundcake of racism with smug chortling (he calls the dessert "Race-Baiters Delight," and it is best served lukewarm). His parter-in-crow, "Jim [redacted]," adding the a la mode, as they tangibly oppressed these women right before our eyes!
Some tried to let it go by. “We don’t even listen to Imus” they cried. The children under forty claimed to not even know who he was.
But by the power of Martin, and Malcolm, and Al, dammit, we didn’t let up. We didn’t say, “see, there’s the man holding us down again,” then go out for lunch and take a nap as black comedians tells us we are wont to do. No, no! We let them silky-haired crackas know. This racial injustice ish is OUR DOMAIN!! THIS IS OUR HOUSE!! AND WE DEMAND SACRIFICE!!!! WE ARE HUNGRY, AND DESIRE TO EAT OF HIS FLESH!! WE LONG TO CHEW UP AND SPIT OUT THIS MAN WHO LOOKS LIKE CAUCASIAN BEEF JERKY!!!
The pasty-faced tribesman were stricken with horror, they didn’t want to kill one of their elders!! One of the legends of broadcasting; an ancient relic with the slick trick of making dollars disappear from the wallets of old white people. Alas, if the tribe was going to survive, the old man had to be left behind.
The Caucasian Tribe Has Spoken: We cast thee out racist!!
But seriously folks …
I learned everything I needed to know
Mr. Imus, 66, was among the most recognizable voices on radio, and commanded a salary estimated at $10 million a year.
If Don Imus was commanding $10M/year, that ish right there is RACIST! It’s the crime of the century! You don't need to fire him, just pay him minimum wage. Actually if you really want to put oomph behind your words, Mr. Man,
Otherwise tell The Man and The Media that I refuse to play in their silly game of Three Race Monty!!
(Oh wait a minute, I LOVE THIS GAME!!)
Ok now someone pass the gravy, these northern-fried Imus drumsticks need some more flavor.
First Responders: Nappy-Headed Hoes (video)
Cracka Crackdown: Nappy-Headed Imus Edition