Wednesday, April 18, 2007

My Lady Left Me For A Hershey's Kiss

We've all heard about love and chocolate being synonymous in terms of your bio-chemistry. But now researchers have found that chocolate is more stimulating to your brain and body than kissing (and not just a peck, we're talking serious slob-down here). In this BBC report Dr. David Lewis of the Mind Lab says, "There is no doubt that chocolate beats kissing hands down when it comes to providing a long-lasting body and brain buzz."

As an aside, this news has led me to start working on my newest invention: Chocolate Tongue Sleeves!

Everyone can get their own set of choco tongue sleeves. You'll come to the store, stick your tongue in the Chocolate Mould Maker, and voila! Now your every kiss will be tasty and exciting. Licking your lips, or even the concrete, will be a constant temptation; and when you kiss you get double the buzz! These sleeves will be perfect for dating those girls who taste a little too salty when you lick them up and down 'til they say stop. Now you can stick your tongue anywhere and it will taste like mouth watering chocolate. Her mouth, her boobs, her ears; you haven't lived until you've had some chocolate ear wax homey. And when she's a little fishy down there, no problem! Chocolate fish! DELICIOUS! And if you're getting really freaky, and going down on the back-hand side (aka The Real Dirty South) she won't even need to clean her booty! Just turn out the lights, light the incense, and savor her chocolatey fountain of farts, feces fondue goodness...

Ok, now where was I again? Oh right. Chocolate!

So yeah, I've always been one to place some value on the connection you feel when kissing. But apparently if you're a bad kisser, you can try a Kit Kat instead. Or something similar. Maybe they should market chocolate as some sort of Kissing Viagra? If your lips are a little limp, put a little cacao on there and you should have her endorphins pumping in no time. Either way, it's just more reason to stock up fellas, it could very well save your relationship.

And of course I'll keep you posted when the choco sleeves come out.


  1. You had me until about halfway through.

  2. yeah, I think I lost myself halfway through also. chocolate fish? yuck!!

  3. oh, i am going to have to disagree. nothing can replace a yummy, lip smacking, hair-pulling, face-grabbing kiss. even chocolate...check it...
    granted, i was taking chantix - the maufactured, dopamine-enhancing crack manufactured by pfizer - to help people quit i was jacked-up on the 'love chemical'...but chocolate never satisfied my craving for a hot, passionate, old-fashioned kiss.

  4. "Researchers have found that chocolate is more stimulating to your brain and body than kissing..."

    Which is why I only kiss Black people.

  5. I have tried (with my man at the time) to make a choco-banana sleeve.. tasty.. messy.. but TASTY! oh yeah!

    el keter - LM(red)AO @ "which is why I only kiss Black people".. too cute!


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