There's No Us & Them, There's Only mARTketing

Hugh at GapingVoid talks about a blogger, Gia, who rants about the seemingly inane questions being posed to her by the "suits" who want in on blogging, but don't really get it. He editorializes:

But if you over-strategize, you soon stop treating your readers like human beings, and start treating them like "consumers", there to be manipulated like labratory animals.

I don't think Gia's paymasters are stupid or evil people. It's just that what works in Hollywood and Madison Avenue doesn't work in the blogosphere, and it's taking them a while to accept the fact.

One thing you notice when you start attending the blog conferences and hanging around the more well-known and respected bloggers on the planet: None of them seem to take it very seriously. They just get on with it. If what they do works for them, it's because it all comes naturally ...

Maybe Big Media is all about being fake and getting away with it.

Well maybe they are. And maybe they always have been. And maybe we should get over it.

Perhaps it's because I'm still a new-jack, but I don't think the "blogosphere" per se is rewriting the rules for how you market and go about the business of commodifying a product. I don't think Hugh is necessarily wrong. But I think the more correct sentiment is "what doesn't work in hollywood and madison ave. also doesn't work in the blogosphere." It's not blogs that have created new rules, it's everything. It's the digital media era - with file sharing, and blogs, and 800 channels, and the internet, and digi-cams, and everything else. Information overload has been the impetus for a different approach, and blogs are a byproduct of the information overload.

I'm sure suits were firing off tons of seemingly inane questions when they were first trying to get a handle on how to commodify television. It's the nature of the business. You ask every question in the book, even the stupid ones - what happens if someone leaves a bad comment?, what if you don't have trackbacks?, can a blog have children?, if you kill someone and repent on your blog are you no longer guilty of murder?

Some of these questions may be silly now, just suits trying to figure out how to make $, but if Harriet Miers is on the Supreme Court and blogging, who knows ... maybe you will be able to get away with murder (of a baby) if you write well enough .... or blogroll her.

And ultimately this Q&A is the same game that's played anywhere in capitalist america. People trying to tap into the "hip-hoposphere" do the same thing - What does the hip mean? what does the hop mean? When is the best time to get shot? etc. etc.

There's suits and artists. And like the actors, authors, and rock stars before them the nu-blartists want to make money, but also want to complain about how the money is made.

But this is what we do. And treating readers like humans or consumers is purely based on your ability to form many and varied personal relationships. The mob is the mob. Just because the mob comes to read a blog instead of sitting in front of a tv, doesn't make them any more human. If you get 150K hits a day, you're not going to be able to keep up. Some people will become *gasp* nameless faceless "readers" ... and they will *gasp* fit into certain demographics ... and if your goal is to maintain that traffic you will likely *sigh* tailor your content to the faceless consumer. Because that is what we do.

In general I just think we should be more comfortable with our roles.

Artists/bloggers/creatives shouldn't roll their eyes when suits come asking questions. they shouldn't sermonize about the big bad marketing meeting. And suits shouldn't roll their eyes when artists/bloggers/creatives start acting like self-righteous arrogant assholes who happened to stumble on a formula but are too blind and full of their own shit to really use it to empower themselves (and others).

there's no more art. there's no more marketing. they're becoming one and the same. mARTketing.

mARTketing is the new new ... and if you want to make some money, go ahead and ask any silly question you want.

thus spach TANathustra
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Bloggin' For Nothin', And The Bloupies For Free

"yo son, let the ladies get some food, bloupies gotta eat too ..."


blog + groupies = bloupies ...


The "True" cyber-girls who stalk your inbox are known as "Troupies"

spread the word ...

Phase 2 For True: Negroes Enjoy Sex & Love Too!!

I'm sure every young male 18-34 is familiar with the online dating service "True"

The first directive of their marketing plan was to make softcore-porn ads standard in every web based mail app.


If a girl like this is not positioned next to your hotmail inbox, just click refresh.






Copyranter has an amusing blurb on True and E-harmony. I didn't really have much to add until I went to my own hotmail and discovered that True has gone to Phase 2 of their plan:







True discovers that Negroes also enjoy "finding love" and getting presented in a soft-core porn motif.











This was the first touch of melanin I've seen from true , and it's probably been a year that they've been massaging my ego with oh-so-sexy imagery.

Of course I got much love for the light-skin ladies, and the kinda light-skin ladies, so it's all good to me. I just find it amusing, considering how aggressive they've been, that it took some time to break the colored airbrushing tool out.

I personally suspect Phase 2 began soon after they stumbled upon The Assimilated Negro.
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Need A Nanny??? TAN Provides Excellent Nanny Service

I’ve seen a lot of moms in the crowd here at The Assimilated Negro. Crazy moms. And I wanted to let those moms know that The Assimilated Negro offers a top of the line Nanny service. If you ever saw the show SuperNanny, you know the type of service we provide.

I recently performed a rehabilitation with the Hendersons family. They were an extreme case, and can demonstrate exactly how effective my service can be:


When I first got to the Hendersons I just stayed in the background for a while. Surveying the actions of the family, so I could see what the problems were. There were a number of serious issues. Here were the notes I took during the initial two days of observation:

- If the doorbell rings, and one of the children answer, when the mom asks,“who is it?” the kids usually say, “shut the fuck up mom, I got it.”

- If the children don’t like the breakfast that was prepared they usually spit it back up on the floor, or on the parents. The older ones then ask for money “to get something decent to eat” and leave. Sometimes with the parent’s car.

- None of the children have licenses, the oldest is 14.

- At least three days a week the children tell the mother they’re not going to school, and they plan to play “Death Rape 3 – New Mexico” all day.

- Throwing things around the house, baseballs, basketballs, jai alai balls, the father’s balls …occurs with regular frequency

- Painting the walls occurs with regular frequency

- Masturbating in public occurs with regular frequency

- There is not a piece of furniture that hasn’t been peed on

- The pets are placed in the oven with regular frequency

- When it’s time for bed, the children scatter and bust all the lightbulbs in the house. They then put on night-vision goggles and set up tripwires and booby traps that torture the parents most of the night. Until everyone falls asleep from exhaustion.

After watching this mayhem for two days, at one point the parents broke down in tears, and it was at this juncture I began to intervene.

I told them, if you don’t command authority, they will never respect you.”

One of the children was standing near me with a smirk on his face, chortling. I asked him if he knew what "chortling" meant and he told me, “shut the fuck up. You ain’t super nanny. You just negro nanny. We eat those for breakfast punk.”

I looked bemused while handing a tissue to the parents so they could wipe away their tears. I tell the parents, “watch this”

I then grab the child by his ankles, swiftly, so that his head hits the non-carpeted floor with concussive impact. When he grabs his head in pain, I (still holding him by the ankles) spin him around once and fling him head first into the wall. He crumples to the ground in a sniveling heap.

The parents look concerned, but also a little relieved at the sudden quiet throughout the house.

I told them, “this is how we’re going to issue time-outs going forward.”

I spent a few more days with the Hendersons to really set the tone. Some of the techniques I used are noted below:

- when kids talk back, always respond with closefisted punches to the face. If the infraction is minor, a back-hand slap can suffice. It’s key to punch/slap them while they’re still talking. Don’t let them finish explaining themselves.

- Use tranquilizer needles without discretion. Administering the shots to the neck adds an extra psychological effect to the sedation. Keep kits with needles and serum in every room in the house.

- If you smoke, put your cigarettes out on their eyelids ... or genitalia. Urge them to not pick up smoking

- When bad, after they’ve apologized and you’ve said, “ok, I forgive you, just don’t do it again.” Offer them a milkshake to get over it. Then pour a little milk in the blender, and a teaspoon of ice-cream. Then add as much okra, cauliflower, and brussel sprouts as you can. Combine it all in a blender. If they try to run away tell them, “each and every one of those tall frothy shakes better be in someone’s belly within five minutes.” If they throw up, just refill the glass and start over. Keep two huge sacks of vegetables around so they know that you have plenty in reserve.

- If you tell them to take out the trash, and they ask for five more minutes to finish a game. Smash the console with a mallet while they’re playing. Tell them, “when I say take out the trash, I mean now!!”

- Feel free to add crossbows and bullwhips to your discipline chamber

By the time I left the Hendersons the children were cowering in fear, and the parents were delighted, relieved, and most of all … relaxed. I told them “at this point, all you have to do is remain focused and consistent. Think of it as a new lifestyle. Consistent discipline breeds respect … and a happy home.

So you agitated mothers out there, if you need some peace and quiet in your life, don’t hesitate to grab that carrier pigeon and contact the assimilated negro.

Holla!

Blurfing All Night Long + Overheard + Cardio Cabbie = This Post

So it occurred to me "blurfing" (blogging + surfing) should be a more frequently used word, especially in the blogging community. But I had not seen it until it popped in my head today. I googled it and saw hits come up, but I didn't look at anything because I'm still adding it to the Trends I Started list.


Overheard

*with a stern reprimanding tone*

"... chewing sugarless gum is not a substitute for brushing your teeth ..."



Crazy Cab Driver UES

I was walking down the street, and this cab driver zooms in and pulls right up to the curb at the end of the block I'm walking on. There's a tree just a couple feet away from the corner of the street. The cabdriver gets out of his cab and makes a beeline right for the tree. At the tree he looks up and starts jumping trying to reach the bottom limb. He eventually grabs the bottom limb and starts doing chin-ups. But he's struggling with the chinups. He ends up doing THREE chin ups, and then got back in his cab and left.

So to recap:

This cabdriver, who hasn't done a chinup in like five years, is on a mission to the tree spot he previously scouted, a spot where he could just barely reach the bottom limb, and with a lot of hassle struggle to knock out three chinups. I wish I had video.

This is why NYC is the greatest city in the universe. No where else could you receive such uniquely compelling entertainment. Free of charge. Just out the blue.

And if you live in NYC. This cabdriver may be driving you somewhere tonight.

I'll be looking for it on the news.
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If This Blog's A Rockin', Then Please Come A Knockin'

Title isn't very relevant here ... but it brings a smile to my face ...


Anyways, don't tell the feds, but there's more hot Negro lovin' going on at these carnivals. Everyone's looking to cop something from SlavE-Bay. Not sure if that's a good thing for me or not.

Carnival Comedy

Carnival Satire

too bad they both like the same post, but at least I'm no longer at the back of the bus...
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She Was Curvy, Light-Skinned, and Boring. Mulattinous In Every Sense Of The Word

If gelato can be gelatinous, does that mean a mulatto can be mulattinous?

I think you have two options:

#1 - A mulatto with gelatinous features (i.e. I don't think you're ready, for this jelly) - they would be mulattinous.

#2 - Or you could have a mulatto who is monotonous. They'd be mulotonous.

I think #1 is closer to real. But #2 is closer to funny.

Anyone know somebody who fits the description so we can ask? I suspect mulattos are extinct, but you never know what might turn up in a rainforest somewhere.

How TAN-Man Saved Hip Hop By Killing Himself ... Someday

So I posted earlier about killing yourself to get a little extra notoriety.

Now I admit, killing yourself might be a little sensational, and beside the point, maybe, but the real thrust of the idea was about hip hop marketing.

I asked CopyRanter what was going on hip-hop-styley during Ad Week, and he responded, "what is this hippity hoppity you speak of. I don't want my hips to start hopping anytime soon thank you. Please leave me be Negro."

Which got me thinking. That's not a good response for any self-respecting hip hop lover to hear. And then I thought some more. Maybe hip hop was absent because right now it is at a crossroad. Most people (in fact most anything that evolves) face a crossroad, or turning point, somewhere in that twenty to thirty age range.

This is the stage hip hop is at now, and it’s trying to find a new voice, a new brand identity.

When hip hop started, the message was very clear: this is the street, this is raw, this is the underbelly of the beast. If you brought hip hop into your house, there were actual pieces of street left in the living room. Along with the guns, forties, and blunts.

And hip hop was viral because the message and product were all intertwined in one neat anti-neat package.

“somebody … anybody … everybody … SCREAM!!!”



*this space is allotted for post interaction - i.e. screaming*

*go ahead, don’t be shy … scream*



So this was very effective when the startup Hip Hop Inc was putting itself on the map. It found its niche and spread.

Seth doesn’t mention it in the books of his that I’ve read, but hip hop is a prime example of the effectiveness of an idea virus.

In the mid-late 90s, Puffy added glam and polish to the basic message. He made it fun and glossy and constantly “remixed,” but he re-mixed things we knew. Like any savvy marketing mind he realized there’s nothing new under the sun, so it’s about mixing familiar themes/basslines/samples into new translations. He made hip hop more Purple. And it wasn’t just the music/product. He also tweaked the message. With Puff we really begin to see the evolution from criminality that is politicized and/or angry (like an NWA or Public Enemy), to a crime that is now about empowerment. It’s about capital and capitalism. Get Rich Or Die Tryin'. It used to be more about the fight and independence, because that’s all you had. You, your heart, and your pride. But with Notorious BIG as the ultimate pitchman, the message became one of Thinking Man’s crime. “How we gonna make this money so we can live how we want to live?” This familiar, but slightly remixed, hip hop package exploded with Puff at the helm.

This, as opposed to say Sean John, is Puff and Biggie’s real legacy. They were market leaders when hip hop graduated from Underground University and began having to pay some bills. Throw in the West Coast franchising and this is how hip hop began to rise up the ranks in the Capitalist Hive.

But now hip hop is at a new stage. It needs something new to sneeze about.

A lot of people look at Eminem’s emergence in 99-00 as a big race issue, an example of the great white rapper being chosen by his people.

And I’m certainly not going to argue race as a big intriguing factor. But I think it’s important to acknowledge Eminem’s stylized emotional accessibility as another message-shift in the hip hop marketing plan. Artists who didn’t follow the criminality-as-capitalism formula setup by Biggie and Pac and Nas and Jay-Z didn’t usually do anything “unique and different” so much as they did anti-crime music. No new currency, just two sides of the same coin.

But Em brought new money with him. And it’s probably worth mentioning at this point that when I say "Em did this" and "Biggie did that," it doesn’t mean absolutely no other artist did any of these things, I believe in the idea pool, it just means they were the big-popular-known name. I think Eminem's influence can be summed up via one line that he used in radio freestyles, “I don’t sell crack, I smoke it.”

The sensibility of that line is what turned hip hop on its head a little. You could argue that such a line could never be uttered by a black artist. This is where race enters the equation in a big way. Once Em got over the initial hurdle of his race, the once insurmountable obstacle became the ultimate safety net. Em had freedom to express whatever his crazy/demented/artistic mind could come up with. And because Em remained so loyal to the hip hop motif, his message changed the product, hip hop opened its eyes and realized it too could express whatever its crazy/demented/artistic mind could come up with.

So when I go from NWA to Eminem to Kanye West I don't see a racial through-line. What I do see is an attempt to find a newer, better, and more accessible brand identity.

But it is again time for change.

The marketing of empowerment through hip hop will always be viable. But it's no longer where the blood is drawn from, it's no longer "the edge." That era peaked with College Dropouts Getting Rich or Dying To Try.

Dying to try ... that brings it back to killing yourself for notoriety.

My hope and dream is that i will be able to make a contribution to the next message shift for hip hop. That is, at least partially, the purpose of The Assimilated Negro.

There is something in this rapping, and blogging, and hip hop, and marketing that signals a shift.

And I'm going to be part of it, even if I have to Kill Myself to make it known.


ok. now back to jokes and jokes and jokes ...

TAN Says: Girls Never Get Enough Quality Time

Mrs. Claus Files for Divorce

Says she doesn’t get enough “quality time”

(AP) October 6, 2005 – Alaska

In an unprecedented move, Mrs. Claus has filed for divorce due to irreconcilable differences.

In a statement Mrs. Claus announced, “I’m a woman with needs. I have feelings, emotions and opinions that matter. I need someone who can appreciate that. Nicky is just not there for me. He’s not there when I need him.”

Nickolas “Nicky” Claus was shocked to hear her wife was filing for divorce, “I spend 364 days out of the year with her. I worked all my life to get this dream gig, where I’m off every day except one, and really I don’t go out until bedtime on Christmas Eve and spend a few hours … and then I’m back. How can she complain about time?”

Mrs. Claus when hearing of her soon to be ex-husband’s objection tearfully replied, “it’s not a matter of days, hours or minutes.” The tears continued to stream down her face, “You see?!!? You see what I’m talking about?!?! He’s checking the clock and the calendar … but he’s not listening to what I have to say.”

Some female reporters could be seen nodding their heads in agreement as Ms. Claus poured her heart out passionately.

“I love this man I tell you. I love him to death. But if I need him on December 25th, he is not willing to compromise. I make a Christmas list myself, and every year my #1 wish is to make love with my husband from midnight until 4 AM on December 25th. And he has NEVER given me my Christmas present. I get to have a list also, I’ve been good all year and I deserve to celebrate Christmas with my guy!!”

Mr. Claus when hearing of the tirade said, “Laura is being manipulative and unreasonable. That’s just not fair.”
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What Do You Have To Do To Get Some Attention Around Here ??? Kill Yourself?? (audio)

Interruption advertising isn't working anymore. If you want people's attention, you need to go above and beyond.

And if you do that hip hop stuff, well fact of the matter is, a dead rapper is a more marketable rapper.

Maybe it holds true for blogging as well. Perhaps The TAN blog will rise to prominence ... posthumously.

At least I would have had the foresight to predict it....

The Rapper/Blogger Suicide documented below:


Kill Yourself TAN-Man




lyrics

i'm suicidal
situation is vital
can’t be at home watching American Idol
knowing I’m only unknown
cause I’m still alive
so I stay penning lines
and can’t wait to die
so you say look at what he did
look at how he lived
look on e-bay they selling posters from his crib
look how his teeth had crowns
he wore smiles and frowns
some girls blew him off
some girls went down
so how should I do it?
how I’m gonna go?
maybe drop a toaster when I get into the flow
can’t shoot myself
I’ll be a Cobain biter
so maybe no-pain no-gain
with a propane lighter
can’t o-d on cocaine
just too cliché
keep butting heads w/ Tone
might catch a death by DJ
cause hip hop
we need a suicide
we on the killing ourselves tip
but don’t fuck with all that killing yourself shit
so when I RIP
watching the sales pick-up
you’ll gonna be like he was the truest
only way to do this
like Van Gogh, Hemmingway, Marc Anthony, Brutus
virginia, Hitler, Jim Morrison, Judas
list goes on
that’s how you end a song
zapp and Donny Hath
you’ll don’t know the half
this will to power
got me counting the hours
I think it all day
you only think it in the shower
it’s insane
how you could gain fame
and end the pain
with one vein
*rip*
another page stained
you’ll maintain
i’m shutting the mainframe
over for Jor-El
and I don’t mean another another stage name
time to show you what I’m really about
jor-El signing off baby
over and out

Oh TAN-Man, Do You Have Anything In A Size PG-13?

So I haven't been set-up for very long, but already some people are beginning to place demands on my content. Not for my content mind you, on the content, like maybe you should do this, and maybe you should do that type stuff.

Since I'm still just trying to get people through the doors, and into the club ... it's all good. Say or suggest what you like. Ask and ye might receive...

One person told me I was funny, but a little "extreme" with the race stuff. Maybe I should present some safer, family-oriented content.

Apparently, unbeknownst to me, I have unwittingly bared my booby and offended some people. Not enough that they didn't laugh (or say they did) ... but enough for them to order a carrier pigeon to send a message to The Assimilated Negro

So upon receiving the pigeon, I immediately sent my assistant for something out the Smells Like Onion department.

And so this is for all the cutie-patootie lovers out there:


Apples and Oranges Strike Back

Say they “have more in common than people know”

(AP) October 11, 2005, New York –

Today representatives for both Apples and Oranges discussed their continuing shock at how Apples and Oranges are still being used as examples of difference. One notable Orange announced, “When people say, ‘it’s like apples and oranges’ to make the point in comparing things that are different, we’re always taken aback.”

One Apple spokesperson said, “I mean we’re different … but we’re sure there are better examples. Like popcorn and missiles, or how about an aardvark and sneakers? Now those things will make your point be known. With us, I don't know, I think there’s still a lot of room for ambiguity.”

Another Orange agreed, “sure our colors are different, but red and orange are pretty close, it’s not like black and white here. We’re both fruit. We both have seeds in the middle. We’re both nutritious and tasty snacks. I could go on ... but what’s the point … people are going to say what they’re going to say”

Not looking for revolution, apples and oranges clearly just want their similar voices to be heard, “We don’t want to cause a ruckus, but we just want to make it be known … we’re not as different as people may think.”
apples and oranges point out that even other fruit like grapes and papaya are more different than apples and oranges
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Maybe Milk & Beans Don't Really Go Together

Overheard (person is talking into cellphone):

"I discovered my problem is the soy milk.

*pause for other person to respond*

It's not the noisiness of the gas ... it's just ...

*in a very hushed matter of fact voice*

... it's just very strong."

I'm So Vain, I Bet You Think This Post Is About Me. Don't You? Don't You?

"how beautiful love can be ... loving you is loving me"
- Common

I'm an old soul, but a new blooger, so I'm not sure of the exact etiquette but I can only presume if people show you love, you show it back ... or at least say thank you.

unless it's a panhandler or crack-head ...

so head knods go out to :

fellow negro Maine, who clearly missed his stop on the underground railroad and ended up a little too far north

Tubbs, who claims negrohood, despite very light shading

Cobb, hopefully the last time I'm associated with cabbages. it's definitely the last time I'm associated with kings.

Blogebrity, who apparently TivNegrO's "Apartheid Housewives" on a regular basis.


That's all the reciprocating-fellating I can do today. Check's in the mail guys and gals...

Eminem gave me some love also, but told me not to link him. He acknowledges, however, I'm clearly capable of speaking for him.

Blue Notes -- Museum of the Assimilated Negro: Exhibit B (audio)

This is the second exhibit in the Museum of the Assimilated Negro.

The first exhibit is about the Assimilated Negro's love affair with mid 90's "Golden Era" hip hop (artists like A Tribe Called Quest and De La Soul highlight the more recognizeable names)

This exhibit begins, "Now as we continue on, you will see the assimilated negro eventually had to modernize his sound ..."

The interlude is narrated by world-traveled poet, Avra Kouffman.






The display piece in exhibit two is "Phone Sex".

"it won't stop 'til you say when / and then / no REM / so get your friend / on IM / we can do it again ..."





we got the remix coming soon ... but did you peep the old school phone tone? vintage...


The Museum of the Assimilated Negro kindly thanks you for your feedback and support. Please come again.

If We Bring Back The Slave Days, Look At The Cool Products We'll Have!!

With the recent flood of race-baiters, stemming from Bill Bennett's recent remarks, I've been forced to think about what life would be like if we did in fact turn the clock back on racial progress and equality. And after meditating on the issue for a few ipod nano-seconds, I've decided it wouldn't be all that bad. Modern technology combined with old racist ideology creates a brand new wave of cool products and services:


SlavE-Bay – Why pay ridiculous retail prices for your slaves??? Bid on SlavE-Bay and get your own personal slave at up to 75% off the price you’ll find in most commercial slave outlet stores. We have all types of slaves – house slaves, field slaves, athletic slaves, sex slaves. They’re all here for the whippin’ at SlavE-Bay. In fact I have my own slave typing and uploading this post for me right now. It’s awesome!! And I was able to “buy him now” for only $13.88 and $15.00 shipping. Steal of a deal!! Only way to beat this bargain is to build a boat and go to Africa yourself.

TiVNegrO – Have you been so busy creating capital that you have completely missed out on all the Negro antics this week? The ballgames, the latest hip hop shoot-em-up, or “GirlFriends” … well fret no more, when you get TiVNegrO all the latest Negro shenanigans will be available to you 24/7, whenever you want. TiVNegrO keeps a record of all negro activity in the country in its newly patented Digital Negro Library. You can watch that negro throw a chair across the crowd again, again, and again. Slow-motion, fast-forward, you can even stop live-negro-action for those times when your negro friends come by and you don’t really want to “get into that whole race conversation.” With TiVNegrO you just pause and watch it later. TiVNegrO works for you, on your schedule.

Distressed Jeans by Jim Crow – We always have the edgiest jeans on the market. We have authentic, vintage, distressed jeans for him or her coming to you directly from the name you trust -- Jim Crow. Each jean is special, individually designed, worn by an actual slave doing actual farm labor on our plantation, so each one is different. The rips and general “distress” come from whips, and running through briar patches, and escaping our dogs. If you’re lucky you may even get a pair with actual blood on them. Don’t be fooled by knockoffs, all Jim Crow jeans come with genuine negro hair embroidered into the back pocket. If there ain’t no naps on the back, it ain’t Jim Crow.

Apartheid Housewives – These segregated housewives are craaaaaaazy. Watch the hijinx unfold as these oppressed women wash their laundry in a creek, and try to figure out which white man has the AIDS vaccine.

Slavester (beta) – Want to be a good massa and keep track of your slave’s friends and family? Then Slavester is the slave-networking tool for you. Plug in your slave name to our expansive database and come up with all the siblings and children associated with your slave.

I-Nigs – The latest and greatest in portable music. Not everyone can be a techno-geek, downloading (illegally mind you) and playing mp3’s and wav files and whatnot. For those who want a more classic player and sound we present I-Nigs. With your purchase you will be given your very own portable negro who will actually sing the songs you want to hear for you. Attach this negro to your beltclip, or stow him in your very own I-Nigs stow-away bag. Manage your playlist on the fly. The high-end models allow your I-nig to sing for you or your friends. DJ your very own party with I-Nigs!! If you don’t need a lot of memory, I-Nig minis may be the selection for you. I-Nig minis are children of the I-Nigs. They have fewer songs in their head, but are more likely to fit in your pocket. Get one for you, and your special someone as a Kwanzaa gift.

Bill Bennett is on the money. Crime goes down. Commerce goes up. It's win-win baby!!