Thursday, September 29, 2005

Trends I Started

I believe in the communal reservoir of ideas. The notion that everyone on the planet contributes to a shared pool of thoughts; so that when someone in Europe has a brainstorm, it enters the thought-osphere and other people in America can draw off that same idea, despite not being in direct contact with the person. So this means that, for example, Joe Schmoe could have thought of the ipod the same time as Steve Jobs (or the engineers who brought the ipod to Jobs) did.

So with that preface, and considering I’ve been fairly quiet about my contributions to “The Pool,” I thought I’d share a list of some of my contributions. This list will likely be constantly updated, as I’ve contributed a lot, but can’t remember everything on the spot.

Trends I Started:
Wearing flip-flops on the subway

Wearing jeans at night

Mixtapes

Wearing double t-shirts.

Enjoying the synergy of drinking while peeing at the same time

T-shirts with funny/cool phrases on them

Only doing two verses for a hip hop song

Making an acronym out of whatever you happen to be talking about at the time (i.e. “That’s M.A.A.O.O.W.Y.H.T.B.T.A.A.T.T silly, the assimilated negro started that)

The concept of combining two independent words together to make a new one. Like White and the N-Word = wigger. (I didn’t come up with wigger. I came up with the notion that allows you to create the word wigger, or blog, etc.)

Wearing t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers together.

Rock, paper, scissors

Flipping a coin to settle disputes

Reading Maxim magazine

Vaginal penetration

Setting your clock five minutes ahead to be on time

Brushing your teeth in the shower to save time

Spraying water on your clothes to iron them … and save time

Telling people you’re five minutes away, when you’re really fifteen minutes away

Rubbing your belly to indicate hunger

Any kind of hip hop song that has to do with idolatry of the Caucasian Female

Rubbing your booty to indicate having to go to the bathroom
Interracial dating

Interracial mating

Using double and triple parentheticals (you mean like this one?) (no, more like this one) (or this)

That’s going to be all for now. You’ll notice some of the things haven’t caught on yet, like others. And you might think I’m being a little presumptuous to posit myself as the sole progenitor of these cultural trends that you likely have taken for granted. But when is the last time you used posit and progenitor in ordinary conversation? Exactly.

So this was just an FYI … please pay your respects accordingly.

thanks

6 comments:

  1. Anonymous9/29/2005

    thank you oh great tan man
    ( TYOGTM )

    ReplyDelete
  2. A personal thank you for shedding light on the whole "vaginal penetration" thing

    A.P.T.Y.F.S.L.O.T.W.V.P.T

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous11/27/2005

    that's called 'parallel diffusion' (a white told me that)

    thank you for the inspiration to call DARTH VADER the B.M.F.O.A.T.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Damn, I thought I invented both spraying water on your clothes to iron them and telling people you’re five minutes away when you’re really fifteen minutes away.

    We must've synergystically brainstormed these together as co-progenitors across time zones.

    ReplyDelete

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