With the recent flood of race-baiters, stemming from Bill Bennett's recent remarks, I've been forced to think about what life would be like if we did in fact turn the clock back on racial progress and equality. And after meditating on the issue for a few ipod nano-seconds, I've decided it wouldn't be all that bad. Modern technology combined with old racist ideology creates a brand new wave of cool products and services:
SlavE-Bay – Why pay ridiculous retail prices for your slaves??? Bid on SlavE-Bay and get your own personal slave at up to 75% off the price you’ll find in most commercial slave outlet stores. We have all types of slaves – house slaves, field slaves, athletic slaves, sex slaves. They’re all here for the whippin’ at SlavE-Bay. In fact I have my own slave typing and uploading this post for me right now. It’s awesome!! And I was able to “buy him now” for only $13.88 and $15.00 shipping. Steal of a deal!! Only way to beat this bargain is to build a boat and go to Africa yourself.
TiVNegrO – Have you been so busy creating capital that you have completely missed out on all the Negro antics this week? The ballgames, the latest hip hop shoot-em-up, or “GirlFriends” … well fret no more, when you get TiVNegrO all the latest Negro shenanigans will be available to you 24/7, whenever you want. TiVNegrO keeps a record of all negro activity in the country in its newly patented Digital Negro Library. You can watch that negro throw a chair across the crowd again, again, and again. Slow-motion, fast-forward, you can even stop live-negro-action for those times when your negro friends come by and you don’t really want to “get into that whole race conversation.” With TiVNegrO you just pause and watch it later. TiVNegrO works for you, on your schedule.
Distressed Jeans by Jim Crow – We always have the edgiest jeans on the market. We have authentic, vintage, distressed jeans for him or her coming to you directly from the name you trust -- Jim Crow. Each jean is special, individually designed, worn by an actual slave doing actual farm labor on our plantation, so each one is different. The rips and general “distress” come from whips, and running through briar patches, and escaping our dogs. If you’re lucky you may even get a pair with actual blood on them. Don’t be fooled by knockoffs, all Jim Crow jeans come with genuine negro hair embroidered into the back pocket. If there ain’t no naps on the back, it ain’t Jim Crow.
Apartheid Housewives – These segregated housewives are craaaaaaazy. Watch the hijinx unfold as these oppressed women wash their laundry in a creek, and try to figure out which white man has the AIDS vaccine.
Slavester (beta) – Want to be a good massa and keep track of your slave’s friends and family? Then Slavester is the slave-networking tool for you. Plug in your slave name to our expansive database and come up with all the siblings and children associated with your slave.
I-Nigs – The latest and greatest in portable music. Not everyone can be a techno-geek, downloading (illegally mind you) and playing mp3’s and wav files and whatnot. For those who want a more classic player and sound we present I-Nigs. With your purchase you will be given your very own portable negro who will actually sing the songs you want to hear for you. Attach this negro to your beltclip, or stow him in your very own I-Nigs stow-away bag. Manage your playlist on the fly. The high-end models allow your I-nig to sing for you or your friends. DJ your very own party with I-Nigs!! If you don’t need a lot of memory, I-Nig minis may be the selection for you. I-Nig minis are children of the I-Nigs. They have fewer songs in their head, but are more likely to fit in your pocket. Get one for you, and your special someone as a Kwanzaa gift.
Bill Bennett is on the money. Crime goes down. Commerce goes up. It's win-win baby!!
Great! Where can I get ME one?
ReplyDeleteHey, pretty spiffy blog you've got underway here.
Thanks for commenting over at Falafel Sex. We need more BIll Bennett fans as readers.
great stuff, especially the jim crow jeans. man coulda had a chain of plantations.
ReplyDeletebtw, my favorite part of BB comment was Bush's "Not appropriate" response. way to lead.
CR
iNigs?
ReplyDeleteYou think Levar Burton knows the words to Sonic Youth songs?
(I will now proceed to Hell. I'm sorry.)
Lord lord lord.
ReplyDeleteI do not approve.
Still, I want an I-Nig. Bad.
I appreciate your idea that I bought Tubbs off of SlaE-by...
ReplyDeletebut in truth, she got me from www.iwanttomoveupintheworldwithawhiteperson.com
Or so she says...but I was the cheapest model they have. She seems to love me though, even thought I don't have an iNig.
....you can tell she was the cheapest model. She can't even spell 'behind'.
ReplyDeleteThanks CR. Thanks Abbey, though not sure if I'm a Bill Bennett "fan".
ReplyDeletetubbs/carly -
The cheap models also usually lack the clean credit history ... that's a crucial feature.
tubbs may want to look into -
Converting From Negro To Assimilated Negro
get your ducks in a row, maybe you can upgrade?
though I suspect you won't want to. Even the cheap models have an endearing quality to them, no?
Negro-
ReplyDeleteI'd consider converting, but I don't need to; I'm light skinded. So light skinded infact, I've glided through the red zone and entered yellow. Also, unlike you, I still live in the South. Down here, color still matters. And I'm on top of the food chain.
Plus, I got that good hair.
*falls into depths of self-hate and racial identity crisis. Imitation-of-life/Mariah-Carey-style*
Does the INig dance? I am assuming they do, but I need to be sure. I don't want to have to pay extra because of some fine print loophole.
ReplyDeleteI'll take a sex slave too!
I knew I didn't gloss...I'm not a glosser. I'm definitely not a glosser.
ReplyDeleteTsk, Tsk, tsk... So very tasteless, and un-PC.
ReplyDeleteDo Jesse & the Rev. Al know about this?
Funny as hell, though. ;-D
How about a investement company, which advertises on park benches, named NIG?
ReplyDeleteIf there ain’t no naps on the back, it ain’t Jim Crow.
ReplyDeleteClassic.
Haha, very cute :)
ReplyDeleteThat said, the thing that really interests me about this post (and its comments).. is how would the comments be different if a non-black blogger had posted it? I dread to imagine! :)
spacemonkey - I don't know with the company. But certainly the Negro Stock Exchange is a possibility
ReplyDeletepeter, moonflake, jenn, kurt, kiril and anyone else - thanks.
peter - yeah I actually thought there'd be more sensitive types sending me hate-mail. but so far not too much of that.
probably too busy watching TiVNegrO
Great post. It's amazing how many people there are out there who really would fare better if they just didn't open their mouths in public. From Bill Bennett to Hillary Clinton, people just can't seem to keep their hand (or mouth) out of the race cookie jar. I really do appreciate your take on this, we need more bloggers like you. Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteTHAT IS SOME FUNNY SHIT. KEEP IT UP, i hope to read some more of it.
ReplyDeleteiNigs?
ReplyDeleteYou think Levar Burton knows the words to Sonic Youth songs?
LMAOOO!
*DEAD*
You KNOW he knows the words to that! This is a funny ass post. I don't even know how I came up on your blog, but i's funny ish. I'll be back...
FUCK ALL YOU REDNECK YALL ALL COULD SUCK A DICK AND DIE SLOW HAVE A VERY NICE AND BLESSED DAY THAAANKS
ReplyDelete情趣用品
ReplyDelete跳蛋
情境坊歡愉用品
跳蛋
情惑用品性易購
跳蛋情人性易購
按摩棒
跳蛋,按摩棒
情惑用品性易購
視訊交友
免費視訊聊天
免費視訊
視訊聊天室
視訊交友網
視訊聊天
情人視訊網
免費視訊聊天室
視訊美女
辣妹視訊
聊天室
聊天室交友
視訊聊天室 視訊聊天室
免費視訊聊天室
520聊天室
ReplyDelete一夜情聊天室
一夜情貼圖區
一夜聊天室
一葉晴貼圖區
一葉晴貼影片區
丁字褲女優
丁字褲美女寫真
丁字褲美女影片
人之初貼圖區
八國聯軍情色網
八國聯軍論壇
十七歲女孩貼影區
又又處女貼影區
下載a片
上班族聊天室
大老婆俱樂部
大波霸美女影片
大眾論壇
女同志聊天室
女郎俱樂部
女郎貼影區
女狼俱樂部
女學生內衣照
女優天堂貼圖
女優王國
女優盒子
女優貼片
女優貼圖
女優電影
女優寫真
女優影片
小老婆俱樂部
小老鼠論壇
小弟弟情色網
小弟弟貼圖區
小弟弟貼影片
小弟弟貼影片區
小弟弟貼影片網
小弟弟貼影區
小弟弟影片
小杜情色網
小妹妹貼影區
小高聊天室
小說論壇
小賤人貼影區
小瓢蟲情色論壇
小瓢蟲論壇
小護士偷拍網
小魔女自拍天堂貼圖區
小魔女自拍貼圖區
小魔女免費影片
小魔女貼圖區
小魔女貼影片
不色不進貼影區
不穿內衣
中部人聊天室
內衣秀
內衣模特兒
內衣模特兒寫真
內衣褲
天天情色
天天幹貼圖區
天天網遊論壇
天天論壇
天生名模貼圖區
天堂私服論壇
天堂情色
天堂情色網
夫妻聯誼俱樂部
少女內衣
手工內衣
日本av女優
日本av女優免費影片區
日本a片
日本女優
日本內衣
日本正妹
日本正妹照片
日本正妹影片
日本美女
日本美女圖庫
日本美女寫真集
日本偷拍
日本情色女優
日本辣美女優
日本模特兒寫真
日本學生妹
月光論壇
月宮俱樂部
月宮貼圖區
比基尼
比基尼女郎
比基尼內衣
比基尼泳裝
比基尼泳裝外拍
比基尼泳裝美女
比基尼泳裝美女的影片
比基尼泳裝美少女圖片
比基尼美女
比基尼美女的奶
比基尼辣妹
比基尼辣妹照片區
比基尼辣妹圖片
比基尼辣妹影片
比基尼線
水美眉
北部人聊天室
卡通aa片
卡通aa片免費看
卡通a片
卡通a片免費看
卡通美女遊戲
卡通貼圖區
可愛美眉
只有貼圖區
台中人聊天室
台中聊天室
台論論壇
台灣 kiss 倩色網貼圖區
台灣 kiss 情網貼圖區
台灣av女優
台灣a片
台灣a片王
台灣kiss情色文學
台灣kiss情色文學區
台灣kiss情色網
台灣女優
台灣自拍偷拍
台灣客棧電影貼圖區
台灣美女
台灣美女 kiss 情網貼圖區
台灣美女貼圖
台灣美女貼圖區
台灣美女電影
台灣美女圖
台灣美女寫真貼圖區
台灣香腸俱樂部
台灣偷拍
台灣情色
台灣情色貼圖
台灣情色網
台灣情色網綜合論壇
台灣情色論壇
台灣無限貼圖區
台灣貼圖區
台灣賓館偷拍
台灣論壇
台灣論壇女生遊戲
台灣論壇好玩遊戲區
台灣論壇遊戲區
巨乳女優
巨乳美女
布蘭妮貼圖區
平面模特兒
打工正妹
本土a片
本土女優
本土偷拍
正妹大學
正妹大學宅男社
正妹日報
正妹地圖
正妹百人斬
正妹自拍
正妹空姐寫真
正妹星球
正妹相簿
正妹美食地圖
正妹無名
正妹無名相簿
正妹無名相簿分享
正妹照片
正妹圖
正妹圖片
正妹圖片或照片
正妹網
正妹裸照
正妹影片
正妹餐廳
正妹牆
交友啦咧聊天室
交友聊天室
交友貼影區
伊莉論壇
同志聊天
同志聊天室
同志貼圖區
名模露點
成人a片
成人偷拍
成人情色
成人情色小說
成人情色文學
成人情色貼圖
成人情色貼圖區
成人聊天室
成人貼圖區
成人影片
成人影城
成人影音
成人影音城
成人論壇
有閒俱樂部
百分百貼圖區
米克情色網
米克綜合論壇
自拍a片
自拍偷拍
自拍偷拍成人影片
自拍偷拍貼圖
自拍偷拍貼圖區
Really rare things on this site
ReplyDeletePure genius. It cracks me up when people question things from the perspective of "what if a non-black blogger had posted it" mind-set. No disrespect to Peter but I doubt anyone but a person of color could temper something of this nature with the right amount of historical truth, sarcasm, and ridiculousness that allows it to be funny without being malicious. It reminds me of my white friends who say things like "well why isn't it ok for me to say N*gger", generally my response is "why are so dead set on being able to say it?". But nonetheless I think most people of color can appreciate race jokes from White people when they're funny and not just stupid or malicious. It the difference between a comedian like Ralphie May and someone like Michael Richards (Kramer from Seinfeld) making comment. If you hang out with people from a certain ethnic background you know the subtle nuances of how things are said and done. You know when you can get away with it and when you can't. TAN (regardless of his actually ethnicity) is a funny mofo with his finger on the pulse and therefore his comment are funny and poignant. Besides who wants to read a blog called "The Assimilated Cracka"?
ReplyDelete