Mrs. Claus Files for Divorce
Says she doesn’t get enough “quality time”
(AP) October 6, 2005 – Alaska
In an unprecedented move, Mrs. Claus has filed for divorce due to irreconcilable differences.
In a statement Mrs. Claus announced, “I’m a woman with needs. I have feelings, emotions and opinions that matter. I need someone who can appreciate that. Nicky is just not there for me. He’s not there when I need him.”
Nickolas “Nicky” Claus was shocked to hear her wife was filing for divorce, “I spend 364 days out of the year with her. I worked all my life to get this dream gig, where I’m off every day except one, and really I don’t go out until bedtime on Christmas Eve and spend a few hours … and then I’m back. How can she complain about time?”
Mrs. Claus when hearing of her soon to be ex-husband’s objection tearfully replied, “it’s not a matter of days, hours or minutes.” The tears continued to stream down her face, “You see?!!? You see what I’m talking about?!?! He’s checking the clock and the calendar … but he’s not listening to what I have to say.”
Some female reporters could be seen nodding their heads in agreement as Ms. Claus poured her heart out passionately.
“I love this man I tell you. I love him to death. But if I need him on December 25th, he is not willing to compromise. I make a Christmas list myself, and every year my #1 wish is to make love with my husband from midnight until 4 AM on December 25th. And he has NEVER given me my Christmas present. I get to have a list also, I’ve been good all year and I deserve to celebrate Christmas with my guy!!”
Mr. Claus when hearing of the tirade said, “Laura is being manipulative and unreasonable. That’s just not fair.”