When Naked in France, Is It Better to Be Sexy or Funny?

oooh la la, oui oui oui:

Make The Girl Dance "Baby Baby Baby" ( official video )

ha ha ha, hee hee hee:

Prom Night In Mississippi

How old are you?

Did you go to your High School Prom?

Was it integrated?

I'd imagine that last one to come across as sort of a joke question -- is it integrated??? do you mean like cavemen and dinosaurs? these are the jokes people -- But for Charleston High School in Mississippi, it's a legitimate query. They just had their first "integrated" prom a couple years ago. The story of it serving as the old world grist for Paul Saltzman documentary "Prom Night In Mississippi".

Here's some pub copy on it:

The film deftly weaves together student-made videos, interviews, and fly-on-the-wall moments with scenes of school officials, parents and Morgan Freeman himself, as white and black members of the Charleston senior class work together to organize the groundbreaking dance. While students prepare for the big day, seemingly inconsequential rites of passage suddenly become profound as the weight of history falls on teenage shoulders. We quickly learn that change does not come easily in this sleepy Delta town, as Freeman’s generosity ends up fanning flames of racism among several generations of Charleston residents.

And a video clip:



Some thoughts:

1.Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. These people are from The South:

KRS, I Knew, Duh, But I Did Not Know Buckshot and Talib Had Off The Dome Skills Like This

I think there is an objective philosophical argument to make for dropping "freestyle" as our textual indicator of off-the-dome skills. It muddies the clarity of our folklore/storytelling. It will be confusing *in the future*. But it's also an argument that's tough to make with conviction, cause I do agree, with many, that whatever you call it -- "freestyle" -- is the pinnacle of the hip hop culture. Professor Chang once said "hip hop is the art of the impossible", and freestyle is the most transparent, immediate practicing of that. A good freestyle is that perfect form of spontaneous literature. And as readers, consumers you have a sense when you're seeing the *real* shit.

Two samps below:





But for real, I always thought Buck and Talib were "written freestyle verses" types. And I'm not quite certain with Buck if that was all off the top, I mean if it was, he's sick and immediately moves up a pay scale or two.

Hate to be Grumpy Old Men about it, but def don't see it that much from the young boys. Here's Drake, "freestyling, on Flex. Not off the dome. Off the cellphone. I like Drake, but y'know, it's not the same. KRS and Buck got 20-somethingK views, on two clips, Drake has gone gold with this one. Huh?

Got Beef, The Game Vs. Jay-Z: Satellite Just Went Down

"A wise man once said don't argue with fools/ cause people from a distance can't tell who is who"
-Jay-Z

So a couple days ago, somewhat surprisingly, the hegemonic Jay-Z did actually speak out on the whole beef with "The Game", and he wasn't particularly stately about it saying bluntly, "tell groupie, get over it".

The Game, who when not barking in front of the Hov estate has been tussling with Bow Wow in ALL CAPS, was probably delighted to get wind of Jay taking notice, and subsequently gave an *exclu-clu-clusive* to the Boodah Brothers where he fires back.

It's more of the same, which is to say childish blather from someone not playing in the same league really. Like if the kid who dunked on LeBron recently started talking to the press about how he is a better all around ball player than James. ...As I'm writing this, I sort of feel like I'm too biased to Jay, but Game calls Jay ugly, old, and wonders why he doesn't have a child "is he firing blizzanks or somethin'". It's like, come on, really? For 15 minutes, that's all you got? Firstly, ugly, besides being childish when repeated ad infinitum, is irrelevant when this guy is marrying (married?) a girl widely considered "the hottest chick in the game". Nextly, hello, we're all gonna get old. Thirds: Game's bio talks about a history of child abuse, from presumably too-young parents, ... so the final stab seems particularly short-sighted.

Forward Fodder

Do people still do the email forward thing? I think some people who read my blog do. I take 'em 8-80 dumb crippled and emailing-crazy, etc.

Anyfod, came across this site with so many wonderful little images/sayings to forward I could hardly choose which ones to post. And goshdarnit if they're still not fun as all heck.

for the "gotta have my coffee" workaholics:


for the slow chin-strokers:
for socially-conscious-liberal-do-gooders-who-do-good-to-the-extent-that-bumper-stickers-and-such-constitute-doing-good:

for ironic quirky humor lovers:


for people who like to intellectualize their cycles of depression:


for all my single ladies, who know what they want:


via Make My Mood, People Sayings

AssimiLinks: Your Jealousy and Black Female Rabbis are Useless To Me, Like Newspapers and Indie Dream Girls

Changes afoot. TAN soldiers being recruited and suited up for war. There will be AssimiLink-dumps. Send assimilated links, news, brainfarts to theassimilatednegro at gmizzy.

~~

On Jealousy: "Jealousy may be losing its utility in contemporary life, more useful to our ancestors than to us" -- does this mean in 100 years jealousy might not exist? useless and/or phased out via our evolutionary tract like the dodo bird, the appendix, third nipples? what other emotions are no longer useful to us nowadays? Psychology Today with the fodder for thought.

Paper vs. Web, the unscientific experiment: Slate's having some people only read physical newspapers for a few days, while others only read the web. Unscientific but interesting, and a model TAN might use to to conduct some cultural experiments of his own.

Speaking of newspapers, how does the Times home page gets made: don't need much more explanation than that. via the Observer.

LeBron James going from classy to ashy: Josh Levin dissects the Lebron James video cover-up. "The man who wants to be known as "The Global Icon" should be smart enough to realize that a single dunk in a pickup game does a lot more to build the name of the unknown dunker than it does to harm the world-famous dunkee. LeBron lost face the only way he possibly could have: by failing to be magnanimous." Indeed. Although really the reason to peep is for inclusion of video of Michael Jordan losing a one-on-one game to CEO John Rogers. Nice insightful pull on that one, Josh.

Indie Dream girls: Doree Shafrir, who's hot to death right now, explores the genre of manic pixie dream girls in movies. we're gonna have some focused follow-up on this.

First African-American Female Rabbi: have the jews gone post-racial and post-gender? i'm surprised at the lack of negro memos i've received on this.

And finally, some unreleased Nas, a snippet from a song called "Colors", from DJ Khalil and OKP

DJ Khalil and Nas in the studio recording "Colors" from DJ KHALIL on Vimeo.

illustration: via

Dear TAN: As the Ass of Your Blog Turns, Or Something

Send your questions/letters to theassimilatednegro [at] gmail [dot] com.

In this edition: How to shortcut-access this blog!

Dear TAN,

Noticed I'd started typing "ass" into my browser address bar to get to your site a bit back. Realized I could just as easily type "as". Would you rather have a rump association going on in my head when I'm looking for you, or preposition?

LV-LT

~~

LT,

Firstly, thanks for asking! There are many things we do not understand in this world. Many things we know exist, but can't tangibly grasp. Associations by way of browser address routines are certainly one of the numerous, perhaps infinite, number of intangibilia that indeed influence the way you, me and everyone we know lead our lives. If you think a certain thing, or are triggered into a certain mode/sensibility by way of my url-shortcut, then that quite possibly frames my content as much as the blogger template, letters, and words. It -- WE -- are all connected.

As we try and fix the circuitry of life, it'd be easy to overlook this little filament of a notion. Luckily, because you are bold enough to ask what needs to be asked, we at least have a point of entry.

So. Now. "As" or "Ass"? Well, I guess it's more about what the associations do in your head. That is to say TAN is here to please. Or at least provoke in a pleasant fashion. So my natural impulse reaction is to give the "Ass" a thumbs up, but then again I'm a guy; we thumbs up most anything that's moist on the inside, and in close proximity to a viable orifice for our egos. (hmmm, should I edit that?). So the question really is for you: does "ass" make you think, "oooooh, ass. i want me some of that." or "i'm glad i do yoga/run/eat right/sex-like-a-champ cause i got a good one..." or maybe "lots of fine asses 'round town these days." Does the word make you think things that fall on the spectrum somewhere between positive and innocuous?

Or does it make you think of assh*les, and/or people who act like asses (is there a difference?); the smell of ass, and/or the ghosts of gas-passed past. and other such cheerless ephemera.

i can only presume "as", the preposition, is more of a blank slate. at least, that's what it is for me. something neither here nor there in terms of associative properties. I guess its entirely possible for you to have strong feelings about grammar, and positive or negative emotive connections in that regard. I know grammar enthusiasts. And was once good friends with a girl who was abused by commas as a little girl; totally killed our chances of making beautiful poetry together.

Anyas, i like showy. i like to stand out. when i can. when appropriate. I'd rather be a stinky ass, than an unnoticed preposition. Psychologist Caorl Gilligan teaches growing up as a process of slow-forgetting. I want to be remembered! Even when you're old! So if forced to choose between two undesirables, i'm inclined to go with an indelible ass.

but as with all things, it really just depends... somehow, though, i think this particular train of thought will linger with me for a while. Thanks for the food for thought.

xo,

-TAN



top ass image: via

The Prep School Negro, Trailer

This isn't in my *voice*, but it is in so many ways what TAN is all about. Where the conversion process begins.



Looking forward to peeping the movie in full. Contact has been made with Andre, the director and producer, so hopefully more recon/stuff to follow on this thread. But really it all just gets me to thinking about how we're close to hitting *our* stride; maybe the final hurdle will be when we finally have the *assimilated* Judd Apatow sensibility on the screen. Not oriented as documentary (unless it's faux/mock), but as simple funny story-telling. Baby steps, negrosan.

We are coming. We are Assimilateds. Hear us roar!

The Prep School Negro

BYOBBQ and The J Period Mixtape Giveaway

This weekend the hip hop blogosphere is getting together for a first annual BYOB (Bring Your Own Blog[ger]) BBQ. That's BYOBBBQ for short, and blog-cutesy.

AnyB's, looks like they got some online power brokers in the building. Nahright, Missinfo, 2dopeboyz, smoking section, OKP, others ...


also jperiod (mixtape king-ing-ing-ing!) on the wheels, and in the spirit of a first annual, and the online-free-hip-hop-content-sphere, there's a couple classic mixtapes being given away. here's the links:



Alternate Links:
THE BEST OF THE ROOTS: http://www.zshare.net/download/62630976eb935c84/
CLASSIC SOUL VOL. 2: http://www.zshare.net/download/62630909c7c8a245/

not sure if i'm gonna be able to make it cause my daddy went and got born on the same day and wants to have a party himself, so if you're in nyc and interested and have the ability to socialize and mingle, holla at me for details, i might want to send an emissary or something.

If It Looks Like a Duck, And Quacks Like a Duck, Then Maybe It Has a Spiraling Maze-Like Vagina

Sometimes you come across things on the internet and you're like, how did this not result in an intergalactic media extravaganza, the likes of which a leaked Michael Jackson-Sarah Palin sex tape could only hope to muster, ... or at least land a Time magazine cover story or something:

Female ducks have evolved "maze-like" genitals with many twists, pouches and dead ends, in a bid to prevent rape and retain control of who fathers their offspring – while male ducks have evolved equally convoluted penises to keep up.

OK then!

You win everything, ducks. Congratulations.

Duck genitals locked in arms race [Cosmos]

image: via

How I Learned To Be Super Successful By Writing Letters to My Genitalia

A couple months ago the lovely and charming Blaise asked me to participate on her "How I Learned..." reading series. The subject that month: How I Learned To Be Super Successful.

Video from the evening just came in. Here's part 1, which is the letter I wrote that started the viral-meme-chain-reaction of people writing letters to their genitalia (everyone knows about that craze, right? right???):



A Letter From A Black Man to his Average-Sized Penis [TAN]
How I Learned [HIL]

Jaydiohead: The Encore

Max Tannone, the DJ behind the Jaydiohead (Jay-Z + Radiohead) mashup that got some buzz late last year, and eventually landed a twitter shout-out from Mr. Carter himself, has released a 5-song encore.

When I unpacked the concept a little bit in January i said:

Jay and Radiohead seem complementary on the surface but are actually antithetical artists in sensibility. Jay in his own words, "is a business-man." "He's not trying to do numbers like The Roots." The Roots, of course, are artists. Maybe the closest thing to a Radiohead of hip hop. Also, the Obama of hip hop bands.

Jay is an artist as well, of course (my word choice is/was lacking); but this also ties in with the DOA critique. Hov's flow, presence exudes a bottom line sensibility that prioritizes business over "artsy" impulses that could potentially expose him, i.e. artist vulnerability is lacking. Mr. Carter plays it smart/safe as an emcee. Which is why I think the *concept* of Jaydiohead strikes more than the actual execution (though as toure and jay attest, there are definitely a couple joints that really cook). Radiohead's ethereal vibe/sensibility is more befitting abstract poetry, not matter-of-fact smooth criminality; hence my RadioNas suggestion.

I haven't gotten to marinate with the 5-song additions to really dig in on those, but I'm glad Max is still experimenting. It's all good-culture in the hood.

Jaydiohead: The Encore

Previously:
5 Fingers on Jaydiohead [TAN]

Dear Mayara Tavares

You opened my eyes yesterday. And not in the way everyone, including myself, who got suckered into O-Bum-a-Gate would imply.

I don't know. I just empathize with your position. And want to apologize for being part of the knee-jerk media monolith (an eensy-weensy small part that sells Snotsicles in the back of the mailroom) reaction.

Because when the picture came out that seemingly captured our President Barack Obama taking a peek at your tush (perhaps elevating you to "ass that changed america" status), some clowns made jokes, some crazies exclaimed how this meant our president was a pedophile, some skeptics skepticized it as a plant by conservatives. Still others wondered why anyone cared either way because guys look at girls behinds all the time.

But no one really wondered about Miss Tavares. No one, so far as i saw, was like: Hello??? Everyone?? Please everybody just shut the f up and think about this young socially conscious and proactive teenager getting to go on what is likely a once in a lifetime trip of her dreams to meet the president -- the new and improved *special* president who represents the face of a new world order -- and how everything is absolutely ruined when your ass ends up circulated around the planet as, uh, the butt of headlines, and now people are slow-frame analyzing your walk, and feeling free to comment on the power rankings of your booty, and every possible reaction you could have except for the one that empathizes with the little girl who just wanted to look nice when she met the president.

so, i don't know... for what it's worth (very little), i was guilty too, but sorry about that.

(uh, and you too, #1 megan fox fan.)

Sincerely,

TAN

Obama Trying to Get His Hands Around Global Warming?

UPDATE: with retraction/apology.

This is the presidential sitcom moment right before both Barack and Sarkozy face front and see their beautiful wives glaring at them.


I think we can skip to the end and award this "picture of the year". I also anticipate more photos of Obama walking Bo by himself in the future. And maybe doing lots of other things by himself. (Which actually does raise the questions of whether Mr. Obama, y'know, occasionally rubs one out before a big speech or something. It might seem obvious that he does, it's just natural, but I could see feeling self-conscious about such things if you're President. And is there really any privacy in the White House? I don't know. If he does, i bet that first one carried some extra tension, or emotion, or something)

But I guess our Ass Commander in Chief won't actually be by himself; Sarkozy looks committed to the role of giggling-sidekick-wingman. Is he not about to elbow Barack, and be like "not bad eh, EH"?

This is TAN, though, and it wouldn't be right if we didn't add a couple more pics of powerful black men where the thought bubble is pre-scripted with a "DAAAAAAM"



Actually Diddy's thought bubble seems like it's more complicated than that.

Emma Shulman: A Woman to Stay Young With

Had this passed on to me, a profile/interview on what I can only imagine to be the baddest mamma-jamma in New York City. She's probably gonna slap me good for such corn-ball phrasing, but for real, let us count the ways:

1. She's a consultant at the Center for Excellence on Brain Aging and Dementia. I didn't know this existed, but now aware it sounds very necessary and very brilliant. I don't care so much about me getting old, so much as my brain. And, of course, consultants are always the best kind of job to have.

2. You'd be a consultant too, with this sort of itinerary: currently pursuing a master's in cultural anthropology. private class in writing. acting class at John Jay. fordham for english lit class. and belong to the Philharmonic, the ballet, the Roundabout. -- wow. that's a lot of classes, are you in high school miss lady with the dyed gray hair?

3. ok, well with all the studying, how do you let loose?: "I smoked. Seventy-something years. I just quit three months ago. Cold turkey. I like red wine, a glass with dinner. I used to drink Scotch. I was a Scotch maniac.

I was a pretty wild kid, running around with a lot of guys."

4. oh yeah? Pretty wild with the guys? Well, you're so smart and interesting, maybe we could go out or something?: "I didn’t want to get involved again. Men who are older are looking for someone to take care of them. They don’t cook, they don’t clean. By the way, I never cooked, I never cleaned."

5. Playing hard to get are you? Well, how old are you anyways?: 96

NINETY-SIX??!?!?! Holy smokes! talk about being out of my league: more educated, more wordly, has drunk more scotch, smoked more cigs, told more significant others to hit the dishes because she doesn't do that, helped more people in ways that matter, and had more fun while she did it, and .... SHE JUST QUIT SMOKING THREE MONTHS AGO. AND SHE SAW THE GEORGE WASHINGTON BRIDGE GET BUILT. AND SHE'S LIKE, I ONLY MESS WITH YOUNG GUYS CAUSE I CAN'T BE FOLDING CLOTHES FOR THESE INFIRMED DUDES WITH ALL THESE CLASSES I'M TAKING, AND BLOGGING AND BALLET AND STUFF. WHAAAAATTTT????

Is she 26 or 96? What's the movie where lindsay lohan jumps into her mom's body? that's obviously the only explanation for what's going on here.

Seriously, I've been sussing out the MJ narrative and indulging the inspiration from "superstars", but look no further than Emma to see inspiration, life etc is all around you, what you make of it, and any other cliche she'd smack me for because life isn't about talking it's about living.

ok, off to throw pebbles at her window and see if Emma, Queen of The Olds, will have a scotch with me.

Experience Necessary: She Knows a Thing or Two About Aging [NY Times]

Previously in "Amazing People":
My New Rap Name Is Wesley Autrey

image: Sara Krulwich