Lil' Kim Gets Five Mics - Hip Hop Fans Plan For Immediate Evacuation!!

I figure most everyone, both on the assimilated side, and on the negro side, is familiar with Lil' Kim. Everyone on both sides pretty much recognizes her as the hoochie-mama rapper who crossed over and is now frequently seen on red-carpets and big celeb parties. On a list of things that come to mind when thinking of Lil' Kim aka The Queen B, terms like "classic," "timeless," and "artist" are either last on the list, or don't make it on the list before you remember that there are an infinite number of more productive options than making a Lil' Kim list.

So when walking in NYC today I almost got hit by a car, because while crossing the street I happened to see a billboard announcing that Lil Kim's latest album "The Naked Truth" had received Five Mics from The Source. I had to call one of my boys to make sure there wasn't some sort of terrorist alert I didn't know about or something.

Now some of you on the assimilated side might not be familar with The Source. Well the short story is that The Source bills itself as "the bible" on hip hop, culture, and politics. And in its record review section they rank albums with a "mic" system. One mic is wack. Five mics is a classic album. Here's a primer that breaks down the history of the magazine, and its current spiral downward.

The bottom line here is that any serious hip hop fan knows that it would be impossible for Lil' Kim to drop a 5-mic album. Maybe if she had Jay-Z, Nas, and Common collaborate to ghost-write it. With Kanye, Jay-Dee, and Dre on the boards. And then have Lauryn Hill do the vocals. Then we could talk. But classic timeless albums are not what Lil' Kim does. Lil' Kim does "I have buffoons eating my pu**y while I watch cartoons..." - that's Lil' Kim. Amusing - yes. Entertaining - maybe. Classic - never.

The Source shold bill themselves as a magazine for hip hop satire. That would be truer to their current identity. "The Farce" perhaps. It's something to seriously consider. Lil' Kim getting five mics is an incredibly funny bit.

Especially considering the new editor-in-chief for The Source is a woman. And these comments from Kim herself:

“I think it just does great for the evolution of black women. I thinks it's gonna be great for female rappers now too.”

By this logic hip hop advocates should elect the Yin-Yang Twins as president and vice president come next election.

Consider also that Lauryn Hill's - The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill - was not deemed worth of the "timeless" rating.

I guess it is positive for all those young black women out there to know that all they have to do is get a little plastic surgery (old to the new), get sent to prison, and drop mediocre material to be heralded as a classic artist.

Here's the evolution of black women according to Lil' Kim.

Classic material baby ...