Thursday, January 05, 2006

Woody Allen Is Like Having Sex With Jessica Alba While Watching The BCS National Championship Game And Passing Undetectable Gas

I saw the movie Match Point two nights ago, and it was excellent. It's probably the best movie I've seen since Eternal Sunshine.

I do confess to being a Woody Allen fan. If you're also a Woody Allen fan, then you should have seen the movie yesterday. If you're not a Woody Allen fan, you should still see it, because the best part of the movie is that you wouldn't know it was a Woody Allen film if not for the credits.

Here's a quick list of things that Match Point rivals in hotness:

1. Sex (duh).
2. Texas Vs. USC for the National Championship.
3. Bob wandering aimlessly around SoHo looking for Jessica Alba.
4. Nina Gordon singing "Straight Outta Compton."
5. My bodyguard beating down a negative commenter.
6. Getting drunk and mysteriously waking up with no hangover.
7. Getting drunk and mysteriously waking up with Jessica Alba and Nina Gordon singing "Straight Outta Compton."
8. TAN blog in the month of October.
8.8. The highly anticipated TAN/Zulkey CraigsList Project.
9. The feeling of relief when you know you have to pass gas in public, do so, and find that it is both inaudible and odorless and therefore undetectable.
10. Passing highly detectable gas but successfully shifting the blame to someone else. Preferably someone with a high profile blog, and a sense of humor, like Lindsay.
11. Getting a papercut on your tongue while licking an envelope.
12. Fire.


  1. Anonymous1/05/2006

    daerest tan

    i dont know about htis

    you are my boy

    just took a look at the trailer looks pretty british chap,

    I never go to movies I assume that you know what you are talking about this looks

    i am gona go check it out

    Eternal was the best film ever

    dont fucks with me

  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  3. Tannizzle

    You’re my man 50 grand and all but let’s get one thing straight; I’m the biggest Negro Woody Allen fan on the blog scene. I’m actually currently working on a rant post about how he’s one of the greatest comedic writers / filmmakers of our time and it’s a shame his greatness really won’t be appreciated until he kick’s the bucket, B.I.G style. But I digress.

    I mean did you watch the 24hour Woody Allen marathon on the Starz channel Christmas Eve through Christmas day with a bottle of Johnny Walker Red and an 8 ball? No? What was that, you did something boring like spend time with you’re loved ones?

  4. Lucifer1/05/2006

    Withnail & I is greater than any film The USA has put out...including this one. British satire is the greatest, plus this film was pretty darn boring.

  5. anon - if you don't like it, its your own fault/problem.

    virgie - that's cool. I can be #2 on the list.

    lucifer - well, to hell with you then ...

  6. Anonymous1/06/2006

    HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. This is only because I told you to see it, isn't it?

  8. Say, you ever got drunk and woke up with Jessica Alba by your side? Cause Match Point was seven kinds of hot, but I can't see it even starting to rival that previous scenario. I gotta hook that up and put it to the test.

  9. Item #12 has to be the most hilarious comparison.

    I'm on the fence about Woody Allen. Everyone rants about his twisted relationship but hey...R. Kelly. And that fool's STILL getting paid.

    "Match Point" looked interesting, though. Hopefully I can get a group together and check it out...

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