Monday, March 20, 2006

Can People Move Backward And Forward At The Same Time?

I saw this post where Brown Baby laments the demise of a fling/relationship, and was struck by the line:

"Or is he actually thinking people moving forward can actually move backward? "

Most people who list themselves on the Relationship Stock Market, can relate to that initial rush when you're clicking with someone. You meet, chemistry is great, you consummate the chemistry physically, then your eyes pop out of socket when finding out that even after sex you still enjoy the person's company. It then dawns on you that a relationship only really needs two things - good conversation and good sex - to be worth your time, and subsequently your waking moments get consumed with thinking about your new partner-in-crime.

But after the weekend, or the week, or however long the honeymoon period goes, reality aka "the other shoe" drops and more often than not someone wants to scale things back. And since you've just had this intimate connection/rush, most people are mindful of being sensitive to the other person's feelings. "I like you but ..." followed by "let's slow it down," "I need some space," "I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship" - these are the stock phrases. Cliche because they get the job done.

In this situation, someone is usually trying to move the relationship backwards (presumably because there's some ideal relationship template that dictates that certain things have to come first in a happy relationship), usually to some pre-sex stage, because, I guess, sex brings a whole bargeload of intimacy and baggage with it.

So you end up trying to move forward, while taking the relationship backward.

And I wonder if that's really pushing the relationship forward, or, as Jewel might say, are you standing still? Stagnating the relationship because you refuse, or don't have the balls, to acknowledge some sort of impasse or conflict that has caused a problem ...

I don't know, but I like the phrasing of moving forward and backward at the same time.


  1. well, for what it's worth. we just stopped altogether.

  2. I thought this was good and so right on. However, remembering some conversations I had with ex's, it kind of makes me happy that I am not single any more.

  3. I like that phrasing too.

    I don't think that plan has ever actually worked in real life, but it looks good on paper...

  4. For what it's worth, I agree, and given my current situation, I think it woudl be easier if the honesty was there sugar coat it for me. I get enough sugar in my cereal.

  5. Please excuse the off-topic blog whoring, but I would love for you to check out this performance by a 12 year old:

  6. I have heard this comment before - the "let's take it slower" after things start to move well. It has always been a marker (for me) of a situation that is never gonna work. If you can't be honest and stick with me in the first week, how are we ever gonna make it longer?

  7. Anonymous3/27/2006

    slower is inevitable, but if you can't keep moving forward whats the point?


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