Monday, March 06, 2006


A few days ago, when we had a run of freezing temperatures, I was talking to a friend and they were lamenting about how they were not looking forward to their jog in the "snot-freezing cold."

And I thought to myself, it does suck to jog in the snot-freezing cold, I wonder if there's anything I could come up with to make it just a little less miserable.

Then all of a sudden it hit me. I had the solution.

And now I'm happy to present the newest food sensation from TAN.


Snotsicles!™ are your savory solution to "snot-freezing cold." Snotsicles!™ allow you to make that frozen snot work for you. Don't be bored in that blizzard with regular old boogers on your lip, pick up Snotsicles!™ and get that party under your nose started.

See Snotsicles!™ come with everything you need to turn that Mucus Moustache into a fruity fiesta of flavor and fun. The secret is in our specially formulated flavor-crystals. All you do is sprinkle a little on your top lip, head out into the arctic conditions, and when the flow from your runny nose mixes with our patented ingredients, ... WELL WATCH OUT WINTER!! Now instead of a cumbersome frozen snot bubble, you have a delicious treat. One the whole family can enjoy!

Kids angry cause instead of dessert they have to shovel snow?

Never fear, Snotsicles!™ are here. Children are known to spend hours licking their Snotsicles!™ You'll wonder why they love being sick and never hang out in the house anymore.

now in mixed-berry, passion-fruit, banana, minty-eucalyptus, salty, extra-salty, and hairy-licorice flavors ...

Snotsicles!™ are so easy to use...

all you have to do is make sure your nose is good and runny ...

then apply the special Snotsicles!™ flavor-crystal adhesive

and VOILA, Snotsicles!™ ...

put this girl in the freezing cold with Snotsicles!™ flavor crystals and no more tears...

the blizzard booger beater


  1. That's just nasty.

  2. Anonymous3/06/2006


    that's funny shit TAN. nasty, but funny.

    we hadn't gotten some of that pure straight nasty from you in a while.

    I would say keep it up, but no need. It's cool, but you know we don't want you to just be nasty-man

  3. Anonymous3/06/2006

    oh that poor child.

  4. What about lime-ade?!?!?

  5. Now TAN, that last one is just wrong. I'm nauseous. Blech.

  6. this just fucking gross. were you going for the nausea factor with this post?

  7. Anonymous3/06/2006


  8. Dude.

    That made me puke inside my mouth. I just had last night's dinner again.

    Thanks for that.


    Drop It Like It's Cold!

  10. I was convinced I had invented the word Snotsicles and I called up my nephew and told him all about it and he was so impressed AUNTY CLAIRE YOU ARE SO COOL and then I found out its old news like OOOOOOOLLLLLLLLDDDDDD news and I was pretty sad.
    But I didn't tell the kiddo so I'm still cool.

  11. Anonymous3/07/2006

    Um, yeah. Whatever.

  12. I thought this was your lamest post ever...until I scrolled down to the photos. The grizzled Snotsicle man in the parka is a thing of beauty forever.

  13. Anonymous3/08/2006

    The Assimilated Negro - fantastic theme for a blog...a lot of the ideas explored here are fascinating (I’ve thought a great deal about this myself)… and I like the way you write…not impressed by this nose discussion/pictures though! - seriously if you focus on the assimilated negro subject matter you’ll soon have enough material for a book :}

  14. Anonymous2/06/2007

    Is THAT what the Lindsay Lohan/Strawberry Quik rumours are all about? It makes sense now!


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