Since I broke through the virtual glass ceiling and got plugged on Gawker, I now spit out mimosas instead of Colt 45, and caviar instead of fried chitlins when I read something ludicrous on Gawker's jock-brother Deadspin.
The most recent thing that induced hurling was this post about the Chicago White Sox as an all-time-great team. In the comment section there were a bunch of crazed crack-head Chicagoans supporting the notion, until I showed up and put the smack down on all the nonsense.
I mean what do you want from me? Respect? Ok fine, congrats to the White Sox, you won the Little League World Series. *twirls finger*
Now I said no one cared about this World Series matchup before it even started.
And from the tepid response I was forced to think, "hmmm maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the world doesn't revolve around NYC, and there are people who care about the Astros and the Chicago Cubs, err Bears, err Bulls, err White Sox."
But lo and behold, just when things seemed dark, and even guys like Easy were in my comment box pointing out the error of my ways, the word comes down from ESPN:
More People Watched Me Wipe My Ass On Public Access Television Than Watched The World Series
hey, I don't write the headlines, I just link them.
This series "beat" out the 2002 tussle between the Anaheim Angels and San Francisco Giants (also known as the World Series for gay people) for lowest rating ever.
And yes I do think that's engraved on the championship trophy.
And yes I too had forgotten about that 2002 World Series. Just like I imagine I'll forget about this one as soon as I press "publish post." Or blink.
So I can't wait to Fed-Ex this post to Zulkey, and the ten other wannabe Cubs fans trying to convince Chicagoans there's a reason for looting.
hmmm, but how will I pay for the Fed-Ex? My blog's not worth much. Oh wait, I know!! I can sell my autographed Paul Konerko jersey on E-Bay. If I lie and call it "Official MLB Toilet-Paper" I might even get a couple bucks for it.
The one good thing is since Boston won last year, at least when people ask "who won the world series?" we can say "The Sox" and it won't make too much of a difference.