Friday, October 14, 2005

Go Ahead, Steal My Identity. Please.

so someone told me I should be careful with how much personal information I disclose on the internet. Which you can't really argue with as sound advice. But I was wondering if they were concerned about the apparent epidemic of identity theft spreading across the country.

Because I'm not.

Quite frankly, things haven't taken off the way I'd like. So I wouldn't mind resetting the 'ol identity odometer . Therefore if any identity thieves are lurking about figuring out how to become The Assimilated Negro, let me help you out:

First Name: Broke

Last Name: Negro

Middle Name: Ass

SS# : 021 – 47 – 6402

Amount owed in loans - $500000000000000000000000000000000

Amount of revenue currently being contributed - $00000000000000000000000000.01

# of current friends: 0

# of former friends who are owed money: 427000000000000000000000000000000

# of bounced checks in the state of Virginia: 5,269


I think this can get you on your way.

I have a street team handing out flyers and t-shirts with my social and other key information. Please use it yourself, or forward it on to your friendly neighborhood identity thief.

Also, in the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that debt collectors are actually writing this blog for me because I told them on the phone that my words are the only thing I own.

When I asked them for a break, they told me to watch this informative video.

So go ahead, please steal my identity. I dare you.

.

19 comments:

  1. What gets me are the dumpster divers who will go through your trash to dig out personal info on you. Ever since I heard about them, I've been putting the contents of my cat litter box and fridge leftovers in the bag of shredded papers.
    If they're that desperate, they can deal with that shit!

    ReplyDelete
  2. this is my new favorite read. period. the gawk-rap was just the beginning, but i'm so with you on this one. and everything else.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are too funny. I love stopping by here. I enjoyed readig your 100 things link. I hadn't heard of you yet so I missed that one. Interesting stuff. We have a few cool things a common, and that's always nice.

    ReplyDelete
  4. OK..Im forwarding to some media buds.. and.. what will a "literary agent" do for you?
    Cool and funny video but with a message.
    If I did that, it would be called "passive aggressive" but then, I didnt let MY beard grow out. heh

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is just great stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  6. i've been the victim of identity theft...i came back from Europe after 7 years to find that someone had been having fun as me and left me bills to the tune of 50K and a credit score that would depress anyone.

    i am convinced that this is the worse thing that could happen to anyone...

    ReplyDelete
  7. "open up my wallet, let me see what's inside: a dead phone card and no ticket for no ride."

    ReplyDelete
  8. laura - they might enjoy your extras - your personal info, plus a food and a place to shit. all the amenities of home.

    zey - nice to have you on board.

    rach-a-el - you hadn't heard of me yet?

    blackcat, greg - thanks

    annush - yikes. ummm please disregard this post.

    unsane, jack - waddup.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Great stuff. That 100 things list has alleviated me from having to do one because, because, hell I can't even begin.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I just used your ID to buy a Hootie & the Blowfish CD on Amazon.

    ReplyDelete
  11. just surfed in from Miriam's. Hah!!!!

    too funny.

    I like your profile: writer, marketing, artist.

    when you put "free-lance" with all that, it means "un-employed motherfucker with a suit."

    --signed a freelance writer.

    ReplyDelete
  12. zona - thanks

    CR - very funny

    prairie - who says I have a suit?
    I'm actually homeless

    ReplyDelete
  13. don't leave the IRS out of the fun - tell us all about the year you didn't pay taxes!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I feel you if some one stole my idenity they'd give it back, with my credit

    ReplyDelete
  15. Lady Charlie - honky2/02/2006

    Sounds like we have a few things in common there Brook-ass...

    Maybe one day we can bribe someone into owein us money...

    In the mean time... I'll just enjoy that attitude !

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous6/24/2006

    Steal Mine.
    Brandy Marie Blackburn
    48 Marie
    Ecorse MI 48229
    phone 313 406-5273
    SSN: 377-88-0971
    DOB: 09/30/1979
    Work at Fredericks Family Homes
    in Southgate MI
    Driver licence B-421-098-585-754

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous6/24/2006

    Roy Bruce Waltonbaugh
    48 Marie
    Ecorse MI 48229
    SSN: 373-88-0130
    Work at Inland Waters Detroit

    Go ahead steal it!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous5/16/2008

    shit take mine 2
    adam james bowen DOB:11/14/1980
    209 east oceanview ave apt #5
    norfolk VA 23503
    SSN# 594-16-2348

    ReplyDelete

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