Breaking News: Tough Guy Wonders What Male Friends Are Thinking

October 17, 2005

Tough guy speculates on male friends' inner thoughts

Austin, Texas (AP) -- After a hectic weekend of sports action, reputed tough guy Luke Steele reluctantly admitted to wondering what his male friends are thinking on occasion.

“It’s taken me a while to grow comfortable with this, but there have been times where we’ve been hanging out drinking, watching the game, and I’ve made a comment about something and no one responds. This weekend after the Notre Dame/USC game I asked what they thought about gender roles and how they’re evolving in the new millennium, and everyone was silent. At the time I played it off saying, ‘well who cares what her role is, as long as she’s got a nice ass and a fine pair of knockers, right?’ They were still looking at me weird, so then I told them I was going to the zoo to wrestle with a bear and take food from a lion … but when I left I really just walked around wondering what they thought, in terms of what I said, and you know, just life in general.”

Mr. Steele continued, “The big thing was, everyone was quiet, so I figured, you know, they had to be thinking something …but maybe they weren’t, maybe some of us guys just black out … I don’t know … that’s why I wonder.”

When the incident was reported to Luke’s friend Nikolai Oxstrong he replied, “Huh? I didn’t hear the question, and I will never hear the question.”

Another friend, Hardy Hardrock, claimed to misunderstand the query, “when I heard him use the phrase ‘gender roles,’ I thought that was some sort of jargon for asking what online porn sites I like the most. I was silent because I don’t really have a favorite. I like them all. Very much so.”

Wife Daisy Mae supported her man saying, “actually he asks me what I’m thinking all the time …”

Luke looked at his wife in astonishment then sheepishly told reporters that “she’s just joshing.” He then ran away after smashing a beer can on his forehead and saying nothing matters to him more than his “Longhorns winning the championship.”