Friday, January 13, 2006

Come On Baby, You Know They Used To Be Blue ...

For any negro peeps out there feeling frustrated cause some girl they have on the radar is only feeling the "blue-eyed" type. Here is a choice bit of information that may assist you in circumventing that problem.

Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue

Of course the "incredibly curly" hair, permanent [tan], and overly extensive hip hop collection you have now will have to be explained as well. But I'm sure you can manage that. Good luck.

(link sent in by newly minted TAN fan Jumper Bailey)


  1. Get colored contacts. Seriously.

    For whatever reason, non-white kids with blue eyes pull mad tail (or whatever kids say these days). Really, works without fail and for pretty much every combination, like this half-Indian/half-white kid I knew in high school, the two half-black/half-white brothers (you know, like male siblings) I knew in college.

    But the ultimate proof for this theory was when I was walking in the city with this Japanese dude while he wore blue contacts. He's not a bad looking dude, but the effect was obvious.

    Girls dig the exotic thing to begin with, and the out-of-place blue eyes made him that much more exotic. Though the blue contacts were wasted on him because he was gay and all.

  2. I have to agree with spinachdip on this one. Non-white guys with light eyes--either blue or green--are the hottest.

    I think it's the contrast of darker skin and lighter eyes that makes them so yummy.

    (Of course, this also applies to the ladies.)

  3. Anonymous1/13/2006

    Blue or light eyes can become a disadvantage for women, though. Whenever I make eye contact and don't immediately smile, it's interperated as a dirty look. It's the icy-supermodel-glare effect. And unfortunately, I'm not a supermodel, so people think I'm a bitch.

  4. Anonymous1/13/2006

    Spinachdip --

    Whether the blue contacts were wasted is, of course, a question of perspective. Mr. Lip-Licker might see the matter differently.

    TAN --

    I'm taking the liberty of linking my blogcritic fake-news riff on this item here. Yank/edit the comment if I'm being too link-whorish.

  5. Anonymous1/13/2006

    colored contacts look fake and cheap and never attractive seem like the poor man's nose job to me.

  6. You know what? That story about all babies having blue eyes at birth is crap. Yeah, white babies are generally born with blue eyes. BOCs (babies of color!), not so much. As this link mentions farther down the page, Babies of other ethnic origins such as African, Asian, Hispanic and Native American, are often born with brown or black eyes. My son's a white/Asian blend, and he absolutely had brown eyes from the get-go.

    That said, Gary Dourdan, who plays Warrick on "CSI"? With those light eyes popping from a backdrop of cinnamon skin? Hot like fire.

  7. Anonymous1/14/2006

    Orange --

    Exactly! The point of my forwarding the story was the fact that the entire article from start to finish talks about babies as if they were all white without considering for one minute that most of the babies in the world are not, in fact, white.

    Populations of continents (in 1000's)
    (from Wikipedia)

    Year 2005
    World 6 453 628
    Africa 887 964
    Asia 3 917 508
    Europe 724 722
    Latin-America 558 281
    North America 332 156
    Oceania 32 998

    Now, this is a complete oversimplification, but it still makes the point. Obviously, there are substantial numbers of people in both North America and Europe who are not white, so the percentage of blue-eyed babies in the world is far lower than even these numbers might suggest to the casual observer.

    The essential point is that the folks at Yahoo! did not even consider that they were omitting most of the babies in the world (and a lot of the babies in the U.S.) when the piece was published. It just sort of didn't occur to them.

    And that ties back to TAN's review of "Crash" in which he talks about "better" racism.

    When we talk about racism in the culture, we tend to talk about the openly hostile or covertly hostile forms of it. But we shouldn't leave out the clueless kind.

    And losing track of all those babies is about as clueless as it gets.

  8. Anonymous1/14/2006

    I think getting all worked up over this fact contains a hint of racism. Is the underlying message that blue eyes are the best and most attractive? Plus people are always overlooking something--- now "flesh" colored bandaids, thats something to get worked up over. Still no black people bandaids, friends. Furthermore, technically brown eyes are better as the pigment keeps the sun out. Green eyes are a mutation.

  9. Jumper, way back in the day, my high-school German teacher told us that "all babies are born with blue eyes" story (he went off-topic a lot) and I always suspected it pertained only to honkies like me. But it was kinda hard to find a link today that addressed the Caucasian-specific aspect—I don't think's the only place that forgets not everybody is white.

  10. Anonymous1/14/2006

    It is certainly true that people are always "overlooking something," be they bandage manufacturers or magazine editors.

    Sometimes the consequences of such "overlooking" are trivial, as in the case of the Yahoo! piece. Sometimes the consequences are significant.

  11. I have but one thing to say, TAN my friend: CSI Warrick Brown.

    (although Orange beat me to it)

    High on the list of "people I would leave my significant other for no argument no question sorry thems the breaks"

  12. So I am a mutant huh... very cool!

  13. All this talk of melanin makes me jealous. I have blue eyes and red hair and the whitest skin in the world ever and freckles so anybody out there with some spare melanin please send it my way because I'm sick of having to get chunks of my skin surgically removed for biopsy because thanks to the big hole in the ozone layer and growing up in the South Pacific near to said big hole in ozone layer I am the person most at risk of skin cancer ever so I badly need some melanin.
    Help the melaninically challenged.

  14. TAN, might you recommend a method of transferring melanin from a melanin-privileged individual to a melanin-deprived one?

  15. Anonymous1/15/2006

    blue eyes? me and you used to have blue eyes at the same time? we should start a club. except mine are green now.

  16. I partied with Gary Dourdan once at Crobar (and by "parited" I mean hung around the same bar he was at calling him "Warrick" all night). Quality, quality individual. Bought me and my friend two beers and several shots of Patron. He didn't do much all night except drink and dance with some Colombian girl though. He went home with her, so I guess we are all wineers. And, yes, those eyes are cool.

    A quote I once read said "Blondes may have all the fun, but girls with black hair and blue eyes get whatever they want." May have been Hugh Hefner.

  17. Anonymous1/16/2006

    My eyes are blue. My mama's eyes are blue. My Da's eyes are blue. All of my grandparents as far back as photographs can document have blue eyes. As far as I know, we were born with blue eyes but, even with that bit of genetic evidence, I have to say that the "all babies are born with blue eyes" nonsense has always sounded just like that. Utter hogwash.

    Still...when I was awaiting the birth of my black/white biracial baby I prepared my self to look very closely in her eye to watch this phenomenon myself. Like the way cotton oxidizes to blue when its lifted from the indigo pot, I expected the eyes of that little baby of mine to magically colorwash from deep denim to darkest walnut.

    Well, I'm sure it's no surprise to anyone here that here eyes as black now as they were the day she was born. Can't see the pupil from the iris. Here hair is darkest brown, too. But her skin? Her skin my friends is almost as British Isles pale as my own. Talk about breathtaking contrast. I've never seen anyone be able to look away from her.

    So, there you go.

    Now, can someone tell me what this post is about?

  18. Anonymous10/07/2011

    Bandaids should be made by Crayola! Or the box should come with pens so you can paint them any color you want


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