Negro Bowl I continues over at Deadspin. In this installment: The Black Coaches Guide to Success in the NFL ...Defense Wins Championships
Yeah, I know you know defense wins championships, but you better study it again black man. You can't even get a job in this league unless you're bringing crazy acknickulous D at all times. You should be studying the Cover 2 so hard that when the mailman comes to drop letters in your box, there's a 245-pound linebacker knocking him on his ass before envelope meets aluminum (your mailbox is aluminum right?). "THAT"S INCOMPLETE MAILMAN, TIME TO PUNT!!!" Your house should be a redzone and the milkman should be terrified of dropping off his bottles anywhere near it. If you don't have a milkman, GET ONE, and then SACK HIS ASS! Hire Terry Tate as your personal assistant.
You have a serious legacy to live up to here; Dungy, Lovie, Lewis, Crennel, Rhodes ... they all engineered some of the finest defenses of our generation just to get in the position. So if you want to win, forget offense, get the eye of the tiger, prepare yourself. If you have children, they should be hungry, showing their teeth, barking and crawling on all fours as they stunt their way into the kitchen to blindside your wife or mistress. Then do a "Lights Out" dance on the meatloaf. You were having meatloaf right? DEFENSE BABY!!!
Negro Bowl I [Deadspin]
And if sports and Super Bowl hubbub got you down, go feel on some BADONKATHOUGHTS ...
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ReplyDeleteT.A.N.,
ReplyDeleteYou are making me want to put on some pads, face paint and a tight ass jersey and just run around Denver sackin people and doing work. I will get some of that black reflective eye paint just for effect. Maybe I can personally sack all the snow/ice drifts single handedly. I would be the heroine of Denver, and yes people would be addicted to me like a drug. YESSS! I am totally inspired now. I am off to get my football uniform.
NEGRO BOWL '07- If you don't know, now ya know, suckas!
Ready to rumble,
Ms. Denva