Quirky Prep School Alumni Update Form Letter

To: alumni@yourschool.edu
From: I'm An A**hole @ [your email here]

Dear Friends,

Hey everyone! [your name here] is living in [your city here] and writing notes about himself in third person.

Wait. Let me start over.

Hey everyone! I'm living in [your city here] now. Haven't been doing much since graduation beside getting [boys/girls] pregnant and selling drugs to little children. I just got a big pack of sugarfree chewing gum for my birthday and recently name-dropped [your school here] in my last job review. Ch-Ching! I'm thinking that will net me a nice little raise sometime come never.

But seriously folks. I am totally loving [your city here]. Been in touch regularly with [school buddy you don't remember #1] and [school buddy you don't remember #2]. I'm trying to convince them to get the band back together for a [your dorm name here] reunion tour. I've also been in touch with [school buddy you don't remember #3] and [school buddy everyone hated #1]. Everyone seems to be successful and making a lot more money than me :-)

But don't cry for me [your school here]-entina. The truth is I've been doing slaving at [latest 9-5 job here], while also trying to [creative hobby-type pursuit here] in and around [your city here]. If interested, you can visit [www.your blog here.com]. Here are some youtube links with me and some other [your school here] alums. Awesome!!

And now that this "class note" is longer than any paper I wrote while attending this esteemed institute of learned learning, (aka Not [your school here]!). I would be remiss in not adding that I recently saw pics of last year's class reunion and felt a pang of regret about missing the festivities. Well maybe not quite a pang, but something. And definitely something in the pang family. Maybe a little sister, or second cousin or something. Regardless, I hope to be in attendance at the next gathering.

Finally, for all you fine [your school here]-acitas who were too young and naive to take full advantage of the good lovin' I was offering in [your dorm here] every night after study hall, you, too, should holla at your [boy/girl]. Let's get this late bloomer action jumping off STAT! My [boyfriend/girlfriend] won't mind, I promise. [insert your jokey exclamation here!]

Well this has been fun. In fact, "holla at your boy's" go out to everyone. We must do this again sometime, no?

Happy holidays all. Stay young, and well wishes for the new year.

Your loving classmate,

[your name here] '[your class here]