Monday, March 05, 2007

Map Seat

The map seat sucks for both parties. Anyone sitting there is annoyed at map checkers, any map checker is self-consciously aware of this. Here's a typical NYC exchange:

LOST moves in to look at the map, MAP SEAT doesn't take kindly. It might be helpful to know MAP SEAT is white, LOST is black.

Map Seat – yo son, do you need to get so close?? You blind or something? Why don’t you back it up a little bit.

Lostsorry, but um, I’m just trying to figure out where I’m going.

MS – YO SON!! Your breath is too hot to be talking all close to me like this. Play like Onyx and bacdafucup!!

LOnyx? Look ... ok, I’m backing up. There’s no need to be confrontational here, I just want to figure out directions.

MS - where you trying to go?

L - Uh, well it’s in Brooklyn, but I’d really prefer to jus—

MS – listen, I know Brooklyn. Where you trying to go?

L - [pause] Um, Park Slope I think ... I have to get off at Atlantic.

MS - I should have figured a brother like you to live out in Park Slope.

L - ...

MS - I'll give you a heads up when your stop is coming up.

L - Can I just look at the map? Please. Is it your map?

MS - Is it my map? [looks around at no one in particular] No, it’s not my map, is it your map?

L - No … but I just want to look so I can know where I'm going.

MS - I'm getting off at Union, it's one stop after. I'll let you know. Don't worry.

L - [mood: annoyed] Fine. Whatever. How many stops is it?

MS - [looks at map] I don't know, six or seven stops.

L - What's the stop before mine?

MS - I don't know, but I'll let you know before we get into Brooklyn.

L - Thanks.

MS - No problem.

L - It would have been easier to just let me look, you know.

MS - Maybe. But your breath is really hot.

L - Really?

MS - Yeah.

L - That sucks, I'm going to a party where my ex-girlfriend is going to be.

MS - Here son, use some of my Burt's Peppermint Drops. [takes out drops]

L - Thanks. [takes drops] Wow, these are good.

MS - Yeah. They still only cover up the problem. You have something more serious going on I think. You have health insurance?

L - Uh ... no?

MS - Actually, this is my stop here. It's all yours. Later.


  1. Hi TAN. We don't have maps here in Boston, but if we did, I'm sure you'd witness the exact same conversation. Especially if blacks and whites rode the same trains.

    Been enjoying your blog.

    TAH (The Assimilated Honky)

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