Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Aardvark Monopoly

I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to outsmart emotions. You can’t. The same way you’ll never beat an aardvark in Monopoly. Sure, you can set up the board and go through the motions, talk a little trash:

TAN: you want to buy Park Place?

Aaron the Aardvark: ...

TAN: Too late now stupid [quickly grabs the dice and rolls]. Park Place is a no-brainer at this stage of the game.

Aaron the Aardvark: ...

Our brains and our heart re-enact aardvark Monopoly all the time. Our brain sets everything up, explains the rules, and always figures to win. Our hearts seem to oblige, glutton for punishment, but everyone knows it might leave the table at any given moment to go smell for ants.

That's why at the start of the game, I always shoot the aardvark in the head. I mean, either way you're fooling yourself right? And there's NOTHING more frustrating than that casual too-cool-for-monopoly-school aardvark indifference. F*CK YOU AARON! I WIN AGAIN!!


  1. aardvarks are assholes.

  2. Melanie3/07/2007

    Don't trust Aardvarks. They'll steal your money and make advances on your mother... and they don't like taking "No" for an answer.

  3. i call uncircumsized penises aardvarks.

  4. I saw an aardvack drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's. His hair was perfect.


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