Friday, February 15, 2008

About TAN: 1.1

Hi there.

My name is TAN (aka The Assimilated Negro). It's also Patrice Evans. Somewhere along the way I have lost track of who's who. Not really! But maybe a little?

I'm a moneylancing writer, producer of things creative or not so much. [insert joke here]. Ha!

I started this blog in the fall of 2005, and I've been fortunate to get opportunities and some sense of a platform because of it. More on that in a minute, but since you're here let me tell you what's going on:

I write a lot about race, and negro this and negro that. The Assimilated Negro. The Advanced Negro. The American Negro. TAN works in a lot of ways besides the darkening of one's skin via melanin release; that's why it's the greatest [negro] acronym ever. Generally speaking, I think we're over the surface/skin part of "race," but the psychology of it all is sort of endlessly fascinating. Since I'm not a psychologist or a PHD (unless the D stand for Drinking? Drugs? Dooin'itwell? then maybe?) I can only examine it in my way. So here's a digital rainbow of colorfast content you won't see anywhere else:

Black People: Can We Still Guilt Trip On Slavery?, Which Negro Are You: Kanye vs. 50, Blacks and the Stock Market, YG&B = N-Word

White People: TiVo or NEgro?, Cracka Crackdown: Cracka Rap, Sexism vs. Racism

Black People That Love White People and WPTLBP: Blipsters, Let's Talk Mandingo Parties, The Assimilation Exchange,

Keeping Hip Hope Alive: Songs To Know: Silent Treatment, TAN 25 albums, My Convo w/ Biz Markie

For the Sisters: Quest for Claire Huxtable, Ebony Porn Confessions, Mediocre Black Chick Conditioning Program

For the Crazies: TAN's Fables, Penis Letter, iNigs and such, and of course, the case of The Too-Curly Pube,

OH, and sometimes I suit up as the Black Weird Al Jankovic: 50 Cent, Eminem, Jay-Z, Ludacris,

And that just the tip of a big black iceberg ...

(ADD Break: Go ahead, think about some other non-race stuff for a second... Hilary/Obama: crazy, huh? Britney: crazy, huh? Tom Cruise: crazy, huh?)

Sooo yeah, if you need a funny, smart, gourmet Voce-de-Negro, then I'm your guy. Hit me up! Sometimes I'm annoyed -- and shocked! -- when all this leaves me pigeon-holed as a "race guy." But, whatevers. Dy-No-Mite, bitdges! (see how I updated that reference there?). I can't help it if when I hang out with people they're all, "Dude, that was awesome. It was like an episode of The Wire. And Chappelle's Show. And ... um ... Oprah! The realness, the jokes, the humanity! You rock!" I'm just being me.

(They say that or send me scary hate mail.)

If I did a "pro" site, and I think about this every day, it'd be some sort of Modern Negro blog-zine (innovative!). And it'd have great video content (revolution!). And music (revolution, not televised!). And it'd be for black people who like white people and white people who like black people. And asians! And for young people who see race, but aren't hung up about it. And old people who are still young at heart. And there'd be news and current events and smart, funny, insightful commentary/pieces on all of it. Only a smidgen of gossip though, sorry. I don't understand why we care about Britney's bloody underwear, and I only pay attention insomuch as it says something about us. Aww. Anyways, essentially it'd be like this blog you're on now except it'd be more voluminous, more organized, more pretty, and, HEAVI'LY; edited. Better writing too, natch.

But as is this site is semi-that, semi-personal ....*

(ADD Break: So, you seen Lost? Or any sort of reality television show? How about that Super Bowl, crazy huh?)

I got on the new media landscape when I started contributing to Gawker. Heard of them? If not, I used to be like you! If you have, then I'm like you now! First bit was a commentary on the lilly white media mag industry. Then Ghetto Pass column was a nice burst of energy, Ghetto Chinese Spot, Ghetto Pickup Artists, and Ghetto Person of the Year: You, Cacasians, were favs. This video on Don Imus is amusing. My Gawk Gallery is here.

I blogged for The Roots and Okayplayer. That was a cool name drop for a while. I just facebooked Questlove, waiting to hear on that.

When I started I often skewered Ebony mag for their antiquated Negro Digest perspective. Now I'm a contributor there. Go Ebony! After suffering occasional accusations of Uncle Tomming for Gawker, I've appreciated the chance to be an equal opportunity cultural rapist.

Speaking of, I just recently kicked off a column at AOL Fanhouse: Shirts & Skins.

I've written for some other sites and mags. Been mentioned in/on some as well. NY Times, Time Out New York, The Guardian, Penthouse, The Huffington Post, King, Deadspin, College Humor amongst others. Do you recognize any of these names? I sure hope so! My Press Room contains many of these things.

Besides the all encompassing spectrum of race, I'm interested in: sports, movies, music, boobies, advertising, sandwiches, new media trends .... pretty much everything except politics and economics. Which come to think of it are the two subjects most relevant to the world at large. But I say nay! I say Snotsicles!

I think my other primary love is ... you!**

... To Be Continued ... and/or Edited ...


  1. damn. ZERO comments on your video.

    i'll hook you up TAN.

    I actually found you from the FANHOUSE. I am most cetainly an Assimilated Negro by way of the Navy.. and surburbia. Love the blog.

    I can hardly make rent either.

    Dig the vid.


  2. When my blog grows up, it wants to be like yours.

    I joke. I kid.

  3. I can't recall where I first saw you, but that's a nice resume you have there.

  4. TAN for president-ish.

  5. I'm not sure how I ran across your blog but I do find you very entertaining. Maybe it's because I grew up in the OC. :)

  6. Anonymous12/10/2008



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